HASH TRASH
Run No. 1382
Venue: Jackie’s Bar
Hares: NightRider (the Brains) Boxer (the Grunt) Panty Pockets (the Fluff)
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: The Perkle

An all-time ‘classic’ from a very experienced stable - solid without being stolid, fairly brisk, but with andante passages, a creditable length, and clever enough to fool a marine. And the Hash trail wasn’t bad either. Spitsssssss said the walk was ‘awesome’, not least ‘cos they were only three so they got to make up their own rowt’ (sic). The Trailmaster put it about that NWH will be at Valhalla. The Dumb Dumb Hash will be on the 4th July at Babu & Boogie’s Beach Shack. The Morogoro Hash will be held at a mystery location on 11/12 September.

The RA had worked himself up into a right stooshie about Paul washing the Hashit gear - but how was he to know that this was a no-no? He won’t do it again. Sundry latecomers included Shakina (as she was then known), Twin Peaks, Get Me Off, Arse Liquor- and Close Encounters got dragged in there as well. Mr Bombastic was congratulated on being a Hash Hero for getting off a plane and into a waiting US Embassy limousine, which whisked him straight to the Hash. By this time Arse Liquor was becoming increasingly disruptive - he was either high on coke, or he had forgotten to take his Ritalin again. Loads of oiks were punished for being inappropriately dressed, and there were a few returnees including No Comment. Only one Virgin - Patrick from Dar - whose FSP is ‘anything that is on offer’ - wise beyond his years that guy. And then a first for the Hash - a crisp break, courtesy of Arse Liquor, who had by this time completely lost it - paying a peripatetic grocer 10,000 for 2,000 worth of crisps. The RA had taken a shine to the near-virginal Shakina, so he put her up for naming. SHARKILLER was what she got - it is not often that a girl gets a Hash name she can repeat to her mother. Candidates for Hashit including Paul (for disrespecting the Hashit regalia) Head Gasket (for making Gemma cry - and making Spitss spitting mad) and AL (for his impertinent impersonation of one his country’s closest allies in the war against terror). It went to AL. The Circle ended with SLSC.

On On
BoB

HASH TRASH
Run No. 1381
Venue: CampBed’s tent, Grants Road, Msasani
Hares: Loves That Shit, Candyblower
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: The Perkle

Loves That Shit dished up some outrageously mendacious marking at one point, but when all’s said and done it was a very Ok trail - The Perkle went so far as to say that it was ‘pretty damn good’, though, if you trust his opinion on anything, you’re dafter than I thought. Desperate said the walk was very chatty, and that she had even learnt a new recipe for fairy cakes (I made that last bit up). In the absence of the Trailmaster and the presence of his clueless lookalike (Squirrel) we moved onto announcements, viz. the Dumb Dumb Hash on the 3rd & 4th of July at South Beach, and, on the 11th & 12th September, the Morogoro Hash, which the GM was at pains to point out will this year be held in ......Morogoro.

The RA has been under the doctor (something to do with genital warts apparently, but we won’t go there - Candyblower isn’t - and I would trust her judgement anyday) but this didn’t stop him making Easy Let and Stella drink out of their (newish) shoes. And not content with this he then unleashed a tirade about hashers who do muscle-stretching exercises at the checks, and hashers - MLP and Shaggy - who use inside intelligence (sic) to short cut to the beer stop via a neighbourhood bar. Returnees included Slappa, Shaggy, Tiger, My Little Pony, Close Encounters and the Candies themselves. Loves That Shit ripped his ‘orrible shorts off to reveal ................ another pair of ‘orrible shorts underneath. He is donating them to the Hashit regalia - how thoughtful of him. Sad to say, he and Retarded Leprechaun, Sail and Nutcracker are leaving us.

The Virgins - Peter, Paul and Mary, plus Matt and Stella, came up with the usual answers, but Lesley’s “anything in front of a mirror” sent a frisson of sexual excitement around the Circle - either that or the RA had a can of insect repellent in his shorts pocket. I think we should move quickly on now to Kevin, who from henceforth will be known as RAGING TROTS - something to do with his extreme left-wing views apparently. Unusually, the Hashit was awarded to a Virgin - Paul - for taking the running and fitness part of the Hash far too seriously. The RA told him that the good news was that he would be first at the food, though he immediately had second thoughts about this, remembering some of the crap we have had to swallow on the Dar Hash. We were warned that it was spicy, so I feared that we would all have the raging trots, but in fact it was a piece of piss (perhaps not the most apposite phrase to use when describing good food - Ed). The food was great - honest - even Flatulence would have found nothing to complain about. Did I mention that the Circle ended with SLSC? - well I have now.

On On
BoB

HASH TRASH
Run No. 1380
Venue: Banzai’s Green Oasis in Upanga
Hares: Banzai, PantyPockets
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Loves That Shit

A very select group of hashers gathered in Upanga for Dar’s first Saki Hash. Getting to Upanga at 5.30 on a Monday night is not for the faint-hearted, but it turned out to be a piece of piss. While I was waiting for the kick-off I got my legs waxed by Nutcracker - such silky, smooth hands........ Now, where was I?.. ah yes, Upanga. Banzai set a very creditable trail for a neophyte, though it was a bit hard to follow at times through all the smoke and dust - but just when my mouth began to feel like the bottom of a parrot’s cage we got to the beer stop - where Buggered Balls just had to lap up the thrill of a Warm Safari in Upanga - definitely a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Rewinding a bit.....that mean, rascally Arse Liquor bought a choc ice off a Stop Me and Buy One man on Ali Hassle Mwinyi Road, and didn’t share it with anyone - i could tell that Nutcracker was just dying for a lick. And a cute Virgin from across the pond caught up with us on the corner of Maliki Road and Lugala Street, though come to think of it, it could have been Kitonga Street. The walky talkies, led by that desperate duo, Dominatrix and Panty Pockets, claimed to have enjoyed some scintillating conversations - dishing the dirt and taking the piss more like.

As usual, the GM had forgotten everyone’s names, so he had the brilliant idea of getting us all to introduce ourselves to the Virgins. After that, Arse Liquor, as full of himself as ever, harangued us about Thirsty Thursday Night at the Marine House, and his birthday party / all weekend piss-up at CampBed’s tent on Grants Road near DYC. Both of these events kick off at 7.30. NWH is also at CampBed’s tent. Loves That Shit did a fine job in his first try-out as RA - I think he could go far - who knows, maybe all the way to Ubungo. (This is getting out of hand - get a grip, Ed). Yes, well, there were: four Latecummers - Arse Liquor, Takkatrakker, Big Mac, and Just Bridget; three Virgins - Ian, Buggered Balls, and Big Mac; one Returnee - Neandershorty, and one Leaver - Dominatrix (heading for her nuptials across the pond). Someone wanted to give Just Bridget the name of GRANNYPANTIES (I reckon Arse Liquor will be cleaning latrines night and day for the next week) but PantyPockets filed for copyright protection, so the naming and shaming has been postponed. Arse Liquor was awarded the Hashit for being Arse Liquor. And the Circle ended with the traditional song. I reckon these small Hashes sans rowdies are more fun, so please don’t everybody come to next week’s Hash.

On On
BoB

HASH TRASH
Run No. 1379
Venue: Twitcher’s House of Little Horrors, Msasani
Hares: Bumtitty, Twitcher, CampBed
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: CampBed

It was long, it was hard, it got a little bit twisted at one point, but it came good in the end. And the Hash trail wasn’t bad either (How much more of this puerile crap do we have to put up with? Ed). A real Hash trail for once. Of course some anally-retentive Hashers complained bitterly about the trail crossing back on itself. Loosen up guys - get a life. Head Gasket (more of whom later, unfortunately) said it was “bluddy long”. Nutcracker cracked her knee, but with a good dose of positive thinking and some deep breathing she’ll be as right as rain in no time at all. Pleasure Centre was pulled by a dog. And Dommy proclaimed that the walk had been a life-enhancing experience for her - yeh well - nuff said.

Our venerable Trailmaster, Castratus Interruptus, promised us a truly amazing Hash next week - Dar’s first Sushi Hash - set by Banzai, and with a guest appearance (if we’re lucky) by Bonsai. Obama’s secret weapon - Arse Liquor - invited everyone to the launch of his new DVD “Live at the Bagomoyo Beach Resort” on Friday night at CampBed’s tent on Grant’s Road (yes, don’t you wonder at the hubris of some people).

CampBed kicked off by saying that he aimed to be a “Wham Bam Thankee Ma’am” kind of RA, unlike the superannuated windbags that normally occupy this slot. And despite being blown off course by the occasional unscripted event - e.g., Bumtitty getting bitten on the neck by what Spitsss (she knows a thing or two that one) identified as a Sodomising Bat (Pteropus Homoeroticus) - he pretty much kept to his promise. The Virgins - Just Bridget, Valerie, Popcorn, and Sakina (who comes by herself) - were humiliated in no time at all, and then the Inappropriately Dressed and Returnees were summarily despatched. As was Ski Feet, who is, sadly, leaving us, just when we had started to notice him. The line-up for Hashit was Bumtitty, Brad, Banzai, - and Head Gasket for being his usual noisy, obstreporous, pain-in-the-arse self. And it was awarded, very deservedly, to Head Gasket. True to tradition, the Circle ended with SLSC. And talking of bumptious Hashers, I have to report that Arse Liquor then barged to the head of the food queue claiming he had been recalled urgently to the Fort on a matter of national security - he proceeded to stack his plate with food, and then ran off with it into the night! I tell you, that’s one Crazy Mother*****r.

On On
BoB

HASH TRASH
Run No. 1378
Venue: Jackie’s bar
Hares: Arse Liquor, Nits for Love
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Shaggy Haggis

Unusually, it was a Live Hare run. By tradition, if you catch the Hare, you get to strip them, so perhaps this accounts for the great hurry everyone was in - with no holding of checks, and much racing. I could have understood it if we had been chasing the Walking Hare, but the thought of what a Marine has under his shorts doesn’t bear thinking about. Foxy Pussy pitched up breathless at the beer stop, and the pack, kind souls that they are, welcomed her with the Hash version of the French national anthem. Any road, Dumbass said the run was “sweet” SWEET ?*!!* Our Trailmaster promised us that next weeks Hash will be an amazing affair at a mystery location, which as every seasoned Hasher knows is a euphemism for “I haven’t got a fu**in clue”. This brought back fond memories of our last Trailmaster, who scaled the pinnacles of ineptitude, and relied on his insouciant charm to get him out of trouble. Arse Liquor (who I understand doubles as the American Cultural Attache) told us that the Thirsty Thursday Movie Nights have been reinstated by popular demand - starting 17.30 precisely at the Marine House - it is easy to get in - just show the guards at the gate your jerry can. Dominatrix tried to tell us about some big drama at the IST Theatre, but she had lost the plot, the title, the cast, the date of the performance, and whether parental guidance is needed - it amazes me how she finds her way to school every day.

Shaggy was the stand-in RA, on account of the Perkle having caught the pox (I reckon it was those Swiss girls he pulled at the Bongoyo Hash). He started off by castigating Dominatrix for confusing her nipper - Charley - about her gender. Sadly, this proved to be the high point of his lucidity, and after that his all-too-familiar tergiversatious ramblings got worse and worse - or as he would have it.......”wurss and wurss”. At various times the Circle was occupied by Desperate, Boxer, Head Gasket, Vince, Elephant Balls, Foxy Pussy, Arse Liquor, Just Lealah, Panty Pockets, Nutcracker, Squirrel, Wounded Knee, and Poptart, but why they were there is anybody’s guess. And does anyone care? Virgins included Bridget, Popcorn, Rob, Vince, and Ingrid - all of whom had very sad FSPs. I wandered away at that point in search of the greater mental stimulation of collecting car numbers on Haile Selassie Road, but I vaguely recollect that the Circle said a tearful goodbye to Freckles, awarded the Hashit to Arse Liquor, and ended, as it should, with the traditional song.

On On
BoB

GM: Cockroach
RA: Candy Man
Scribe: Nuts For Love
Host: Dominatrix

It was a smaller hash than usual, possibly a difficult place to find or the exhaustive weekends has in Bagamoyo, though by popular demand it was recalled that those not attending Bagamoyo wanted the Monday hash, so where were they?

The circle started with the hares Dominatrix and Cockroach to the familiar hares song but alas, some have been practicing............. one hour and 7000 verses that were harmonious we managed to find out about the run, Lord Whore Whore said Indecisive and the walk reported by Easy Let smelly walky pokky.

The trail master away hi better half love those nuts stood in and advised that the multitalented Ass Licker will host. Swiftly on to announcements that included wet pussy’s at the G&D i hope its 18+, followed by some bestiality with Goats and a kili marathon, no compete ion for the hash as long as its not a running competition.

The Winning Tiny team were summoned but they had already returned to the Olympic training camp.

RA soon got on with the task after the newly sung Perkle in the Circle, Head Gasket, not only late waiting for a lass that was never going to pitch, he was running a very busy office (put it on silent ringing) and yet again taking out another guest for a top night in Dar.

Dominatrix yet again in the circle for the map of her set trail that she gave the GM to take the runners, nice map this time, shame the route did not correlate, but the RA was impressed by this maths teacher being an expert launderer! Then it was the fate of those incorrectly dressed, Lord Whore Whore and TakaTrack with no hash shirts, after they had been given two each at Bagamoyo.

Returnee Lord Whore had no excuse for his long absence but joined Easy Let and Head Gasket for a down down. Then it was a fashion parade of Fancy pants that Easy Let seemed to miss, Dumb Ass, Lord Whore with shorts made from matching shower curtains and LTS with those torturous pink shorts.

Virgin Orlando from London a guest of Head Gasket with a Missionary FSP and kids that resemble Head Gasket in more ways than one said Flatulence. We drank a mix of Kili and that Grand Malt, quite nice before singing Warm Safari.

GM awarded a milestone 100 run shirt to Horny Goat who after popular demand decided to don it, unfortunately this still did not shut up the heckling Flatulence. Then some corresponding emails were mentioned, one in particular was the one from the Ultimate ambulance crew who treated two of the runners from the Bagamoyo hash, the first treatment was for depression and the second was for a long standing right leg.

Then the GM found out why the map did not function, walkers Dominatrix and Candy Blower were shopping on the walk, taking fashion advise from Easy Let, but wait for it the only other walker being the Virgin Orlando, but adding injury to insult they made him pay for the new skirt (TSH 1,000). He will never hash again it was just like being at home with his wife, Dominatrix showed off her new attire which should have joined the hash shit gear, well, maybe not and why did you not get Tsh 900 change !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This then led to a naming of Orlando, many good suggestions from the Harriette’s but the outcome was BIG SPENDER and you probably guested Dominatrix excelled her self into the hash shit position Bad map, Shopping and a fine display of Laundry. The circle ended with SLSC and for once the GM got it right.

Nuts For Love

HASH TRASH

Run Nos. 1375 & 1376

Venue: Dar to Bagomoyo the long way

Hares: Wet Dream, Boogie Boobs

Grand Master: Cockroach

Religious Advisor: Perkle

Beermeister: Triar *uck

Man of the Match: Arse Liquor

Another really great Bagomoyo relay - a truly fun day out for all the family - made possible by quite a few people putting in a lot of effort, and the very generous support of our sponsors. All those of us who didn’t put in any effort owe them a big thank you. Too many good memories to recount all of them, but the sight of Arse Liquor feeling for his missing shoe in two feet of mud was one of them - I haven’t laughed so much since Close Encounters left her bikini bottoms behind ..(That happened years ago - do you have to keep going on about it? Ed). Amazingly, no-one got lost or left behind, though Nutcracker and the Beermeister did try.

Thankfully, there were no flying motorbikes this year, but there was plenty of other excitement, what with unscheduled toilet stops, whether the burgers for lunch would be cooked right through (they were), whether Bumtitty would run up that hill without his heart exploding (it didn’t), and the Perkle (sad bastard that he is) spotting a spoonbill (Platalea alba). It was hot, sweaty work of course, and unlike a normal hash, there was always the pressure not to let the team down. No-one did, and there were some brave performances from those who are hashers not runners. We even got to Bagomoyo before dark.

The Circle went on and on, but the euphoria and self-belief generated by the day’s efforts (Steady on - don’t get carried away, Ed) carried us all through, helped along by plenty of lubrication. While we were having fun, LateCummer was pouring over a hot random number generator (no, not Moonhorn) and the results he came up with had all the credibility of an Iranian election. Let’s just say that those teams that were made up exclusively of real, regular hashers can be justly proud of their efforts.

The after-dinner entertainment just got better and better as the night wore on, culminating in Arse Liquor’s stunning Freddie Mercury performance. This wasn’t an impression - during that tumultuous, captivating, out-of-body experience, he was Freddie Mercury. This man should be at Cesar’s Palace - I can see his name in lights beaming out over the Strip - “ARSE LIQUOR TWICE NIGHTLY.” MLP said that after that performance every woman in the room would be ready to drop their knickers for him (AL that is not MLP), and probably not a few of the men would too. The audience gave him a standing ovation. Of course, lets be fair, he did have a superb backing group in the “HeadBangers” - line-up was Flatulence and Shaggy Haggis on air guitars - I noticed some sloppy chord changes from Flatus, but he was atop the bar at the time - and of course I musn’t forget Head Gasket on air drums - though God knows I’ve tried. It was truly A Night to Remember. And I haven’t even told you yet about Get Me Off dancing something that looked like the Charleston on Speed - though I have now. And the KILI just kept flowing and flowing.

The Hair of the Dog run was a mite subdued, but it was full of interest nevertheless. The trail wound its way around and through the Holy Ghost Mission’s sewage ponds, which was done purely so that the puerile Hare - Wet Dream - could exclaim “Holy Shit”. Actually, it didn’t smell at all, which speaks volumes for the benefits of the celibate life. We are on very dodgy ground here, and so we were, but Ski Feet raised the moral tone by expounding on the relative merits of aerobic and anaerobic digestion. We then headed to the beach, and who’s bright idea was it for us to run throught the mangrove forest? There was a Circle with a lot of singing. The RA abused his powers (what’s new?) by perversely naming his son TADPOLE when everybody had voted in favour of CANDYBUG. Hey, lets call him KNICKERLESS TADPOLE. And Nurse Ratched was awarded the Hashit. Good choice. Of course the Circle ended with SLSC - did you need to ask?

On On

BoB

HASH TRASH
Run No.1373 3 May 2010
Venue: CampBed’s tent
Hares: Just Chris, Spits n Swallows
Grand Master: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Candyman

Some of the returning runners were heard to mutter darkly about it not being a hash trail - could it perchance have been set by someone who has never run a Hash? The walk was pedestrian, but there was nothing to mutter about, and the girl talk wasn’t the least bit titillating. And to think that I could’ve stayed at home and watched the History Channel. It is hard to get used to having a trailmaster that knows where next week’s hash is, but I suppose we’ll just have to put up with it. There’ll be a going-away party for FIN at the Marine House starting 20.00 hrs and finishing 02.00 hours precisely. That well-known pervert Dominatrix wants us all to f*** up Ali Hassan Mwinyi even more than it is already f****d up, just so that she can have an excuse to skive off work. When has she needed an excuse? Bunny says there is a Kili Half Marathon on the 29th of some month in Dar (sic) and it is as long as you want to make a half marathon (sic). In case you were asking, FIN’s going away party is on the 14th May (I think). Candyblower was trailing something on the 9th May - probably another St George’s Society Orgy - but she’ll tell you if you ask nicely. Easy Let was wittering on about a thespian thingy called “Bouncers” at the Little Theatre from the 6th - 8th & 13th - 15th of some month. If you have signed up for the Bagomoyo Relay you must pay the outstanding balance at the next Hash or risk being savaged by a squirrel.

For reasons which thankfully escaped me the Circle decided to call Candyman “Perkle,” though “Prickle” would have suited him better. He had thrown a tantrum before coming to the Hash, and Candyblower had caught it full in the face, but - all credit to her - she got him back on track, and he strutted his stuff in his usual interminable (inimitable, surely? Ed.) way. Late arrivals included Boogie Boobs, Wet Dream (BB was late coming apparently - nothing new there then) Easy Let, Castrato and Tiny Sausage. The RA was tickled pink that one of those Marine chappies had take the On In sign literally and run into someone’s garden. Love That Shit was wearing g*d-awful ghastly shorts and this led on to matters haberdashery - with the RA consenting to Takkatrakka’s fervent wish to become Hash Haberdasher - and Easylet, Close Encounters, Dominatrix, and Pleasure Centre being made to parade their customised T-shirts - a tuck here, a push up there, a bit of discreet padding, a scoop neckline - but it’s all totally wasted on male hashers - most of whom are totally wasted already. The all-important “humiliating the Virgin” ritual was interrupted by the Abuja Song, but she (Valery) couldn’t be coaxed into revealing her FSP anyway. CampBed and Spits are going to Scotland to celebrate their 10th Wedding Anniversary, but, don’t fash yerselves, they know to take hot water bottles. Only Freckles saw fit to honour the Dutch Queen’s birthday - shame on you Hashers, what has the Dutch Queen ever done to you? One of those Marine chappies, heretofore known as Just Chris, is from henceforth to be known as POP TART. And his soulmate (the Pentagon’s policy is: don’t ask, don’t tell) heretofore known as Just Rio, will be known as ARSE LIQUOR. The Hashit went to Love That Shit for his gruesome shorts.

By the time the Circle ended I had almost lost the will to live. SLSC never seemed so sweet. What d’ye mean I didn’t say where next week’s hash is? I’m telling you now that it’s at Elephant Balls’s mudsplash. I have had enough of writing this crap every week. Mark my words, someone is going to get volunteered.

On On
BoB

HASH TRASH
Run No.1374 10 May 2010
Venue: Elephant Balls’s mudsplash
Hares: Boxer, Panty Pockets
Grand Master: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Perkle

There seemed to be a lot of Hashers not signing up for the food - in anticipation perhaps of it being standard Scandiwegian fare - i.e. rancid raw fish on dry crispbread. Any road, that’s neither here nor there, because it was a crackingly well-set trail on relatively uncharted territory. Sail said it was set by pros for running by pros (i think he meant professionals). True, it ended with us all in the dark, but that was because of the late start on account of endless farting about with money for Bagomoyo - pay up early next time, like wot I did. There’s a leaving party for FIN at the Marine House on Friday, which ends at 0200 sharp, leaving you just about time to stagger to the start of the Bagomoyo relay at 06.30 Saturday at St Peters Church. And as we are on the subject of the Bagomoyo, Wet Dream warned everyone to juice up, cream up, and only pitch up in serious 4WD vehicles. You have been told. Why is it that most teams have about 6 members but Wet Dream’s team has 36? Mmmmm. There was to be no Hash on the Monday after Bagomoyo, but then Arse Liquor offered, and then that hussy Dominatrix took his offer off him. She’ll send out a map, but I would advise everyone to ring up Candyman at 5p.m. Monday, as you usually do.

The RA, for reasons lost to me, called forth three Hashers - LateCummer, Gary Glitter, and Flatulence - who are well-known for their robust, no-nonsense attitude to women. He was in a right crabby mood, witness LateCummer being hauled over the coals for coming to the Hash early, and Arse Liquor, Head Gasket, and Bumtitty being down downed for exposing their tits (why is it never the harriettes who do this?). My Little Pony and Saddlesore kept groping each other and so had to be forcibly separated, but then proceeded to have telephone sex across the Circle! Takatraka, Arse Liquor, and Loves that Shit got into trouble for being inappropriately dressed. Returnees included Wounded Knee, Beach Balls (remember him?), Saddlesore, MLP, and Ski Feet. The RA sounds ever less convincing when he tries to tell the Virgins that he isn’t personally interested in their FSPs, but for the record, Ashton Martin (Durban) likes it arsy versy, Hokkkorn (Oslo) likes it in the backside, Kathy (Auckland) likes it on the boardwalk, and Morag (Aberdeen) likes it in the heather. Gary Glitter was hailed as a Hash Hero for agreeing to let us have 200 cases of Kili for the Bagomoyo relay. Let’s make the most of his generosity before he gets fired from TBL. It was also his birthday. As for awarding the Hashit, there was, sad to say, such a piss-poor set of candidates - Wet Dream, Boogie Boobs, Candyman, Saddle Sore - that it was re-awarded to Loves that Shit on account of his failure once again to wear the regalia and brandish Torsten’s Friend and Torsten’s Friend’s Brother. Why is it so hard to prise these two out of Boogie Boobs’s clutches? The Circle ended in the traditional way.

The food was fine - not a rancid fish in sight - but some Akevitt would have gone down well.

On On
BoB

HASH TRASH
Run No.1372 26 April 2010
Venue: Whorehouse, Haile Selassie Road
Hares: Cockroach, Easy Let
Grand Master: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Candyman

Plenty hashers and not a few dragons pitched up breathing fire for this St George’s Hash. Sail said it was classic Msasani run. Of course, true to the spirit of our beloved GM, it did go on a bit, and we were left in the dark. I heard that the dragons had a bit of a set-to with some wild dogs, but that Easy Let shook her handbag at them and they took off. Castratus assured us all that next week’s hash will be at Spitz’s spitoon, where she will be assisted by the laconical Camp Bed. Three Bagomoyo team captains fronted up - Wet Dream (Gordon Brown), Candyman (David Cameron) and Bumtitty (Nick Clegg) - all pitching for the dubious services of two undecided, quasi-virginal, blonde harriettes aka as Alice (as she was then known) and Twitcher. Not unexpectedly, they voted for flash over gravitas (or in the case of Bumtitty - gravitarse). It was announced that Danny Boy will be playing to a full house at the George and Dragon on the 28th.

The RA took umbrage at the number of Hashers who had ignored instructions to wear something red and white, so he formed them into two teams for a boat race, that was won by Squirrel’s team. So the RA announced that Aieeeeeeeeeee’s team had won convincingly - which was just the first of the nights many travesties of justice. Returnees and departees included Mr Bombastic, Gary Glitter, Pleasure Centre and Camp Bed. Whilst most businessmen trying to impress their clients would take them for a meal and after-dinner entertainment at the Kempinski, Head Gasket bring his to the Hash - and unsurprisingly we never ever see them again - this week was no different - with three rather bemused and inappropriately dressed Yanks paraded as Virgins. Then there was some naming and shaming. Just Alice is henceforth and forever more to be referred to as WONDERLUST. There was a right stooshie about naming Anna - the RA took it into his head that her name was BIKERACK, whereas a sizeable coterie of Hashers (lead by the over-excitable, and laconically-challenged Nutcracker) claimed that it was TAKATRACKER or TAKATRAKA. The GM then tried to move on to the award of the Hashit, but he quickly capitulated in the face of “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” and re-opened the naming, to the evident disgust of the RA. So, Anna became TAKATRAKA - and the RA was nominated for hashit because of his outrageous vote rigging. The RA claimed official immunity, but the Court of Appeal (ex-GMs) squashed him flat. Nutcracker was awarded the Hashit for being completely out of order - and the GM may be looking for a new RA. The Circle ended, as it should, with SLSC.

On On
BoB