Run no: 1403
GM : Cockroach
RA : CandyMan
Venue : Coco Beach car spares reclamation centre
Hares : DumbAss, Nuts4Love, BoogieBoobs

Scary thought for the day : when Nuts4Love noticed the lack of scribing it was already half way through the circle (which shows just how much notice you lot take). The RA eventually caught on about half way into his slot - so that possibly makes him the second most intelligent hasher at the run. You should definitely be worried.

Despite the GM’s concerns about the venue, nothing went walkabout except a group of hashers led by BoogieBoobs and both the run and walk seemed to be applauded and met expectations all round. What ever happened to slash down the tall poppy and destructive criticism I hear you ask.
The refreshing onshore breeze made the circle a popular place to be, except for a pair of virgin walkers who wanted to run but didn’t - they had to be dragged back into the circle twice before finally escaping to their version of reality.

Cockroach gave away all the left over valuables, and allowed muuuultipleee boring announcements about Halloween parties, the Marine Ball, the Caledonian Ball and other forthcoming non-events, but slipped in the breathtaking nwh arrangements ‘probably’ at CampBed’s and Spits’n’Swallows (there farewell hash so don’t miss your last chance to abuse them).

Having been awarded hashshit last week, KnightRider was bullied into donning more and more of the regalia during the run, which effort continued under CockRoach’s reign in the circle and KR was duly downdowned for his efforts to maintain his dignity.
The CandyMan had Shark Killer in the circle, in the nicest possible way - possibly to show off her fetching red skintight running longs - but purportedly because she auditioned for the Wicked Witch of the Aussies (Ed. note = Wiz of Oz to you).
AC/DC joined her because she had run back to collect the non walking virgins (said to be training for the Tanzanian 100 metre team) which sounds like heroinism to me - can you say that ?
Departees Jesus and Twitcher were followed in by the returnees. Fat Bastard claimed to have been gestating but we all know she’s always had a big round tummy full of beer and burgers. Castrato and Dumbass were also welcomed back, which left Kim who was accorded hero status for returning after a last run in Dar in 1992, but a downdown for not having bothered to turn up since he actually returned to Dar in January this year.
Moving on to the virgins the RA was delighted to find Drew had arrived from Arusha, which inevitably led to a few brief showers of rain. However his fsp called into question his nationality as he claimed the reverse cowgirl for his own. Caroline was scared to admit to roots in Mikocheni in case some similar performance would ensue. Her fsp was initially claimed as ‘unknown due to a state of virginity’ but under stern questioning soon changed to an intrigueing ‘hangman’. A quivering group of male hashers immediately surrounded her to elicit more details - which were unfortunately lost to your scribe in the hubbub.

The GM recovered control of the circle (joke) and pointed out that Caroline is actually an undercover agent (more perking of ears) but only in terms of writing up the hash. Seems we are popular subjects for literary efforts recently.
At the insistence of Jesus, the GM also called up snitches for misdemeanours. Pleasure Centre and Pleasure Pooch, Shark Killer, OnePumpChump, Kim, and F’Off were variously “dobbed in” (in keeping with the vaguely Aussie slant developing in this weeks trash).
Half marathon frb’s TinySausage, AC/DC and Jesus were recognised and F’Off was joined by all his American friends before we moved on to the HashShit stakes.

KnightRider was quick to remove the regalia and started the ritual beer soaking and dirt tredding sequence with vigour and dedication. Alternative nominees included OnePumpChump, Kim, and Flatulence, but the circle were in a mean mood (according to KnightRider’s assessment) and the truly democratic voting confirmed that KR should be allowed to maintain his exalted position for another week. Surprisingly reluctantly he again donned his newly annointed robes.
SLSC with the virgins and ON ON to a good spread of food and another small libation or two completed the evenings proceedings.
Good run, good venue, good food, good company - anotherresoundingsuccesshick.
She’ll be right at CampBed ‘s tentsite next week.
See ya there for a tinnie while Bruce and Sheila’ll chuck a prawn on the barbie for ya.

yours sincerely, but with no guarantees of accuracy,
Squire L
ps If you too want the chance to make up or simply enhance history, then tell the CockRoach you’ll scribe for him. He’s auditioning applicants week by week.

Hash # 1402

GM: Cockroach

RA: Jesus

Scribe: Shark Killer

Hares: Wanderlust, Hash Dance

According to Squirrel, the hilly run had almost as many checks as Saturday, and nobody got lost.

The Trailmistress, Nuts for Love said the 1403 run would be at a secret location, so we’ll have to check to website at the nth hour and hopefully it won’t be down.

Shark Killer made 2 announcements, about there being auditions for wizard of the oz, I mean the wizard of oz on Saturday 16th Oct at the Little Theatre and also Quiz night on the same date, both announcements being wrong as both events are on Friday, 15th Oct – and no, nobody had given her vodka down downs before she made the announcements.

Campbed and Spits are having a going away party on 23rd Oct at their place, and it turns out that is also Shark Killer’s birthday. 25th October will be Campbed’s and Spits’ last hash.

Tiny Sausage is having an anniversary hash at Mbezi on Saturday 6th November morning for 1 year since the opening of his car shop.

Dominatrix left her beer cooler (with no beer in it, thankfully – or she would have been banned from the hash for disrespect towards beer) at the beach on Sunday, along with Charlie’s little pink shoes. The hash inherited an unclaimed mug as a down down beer cup and nobody claimed a thong that was left behind as well. We think it belonged to candy blower, because she was knicker-less on the Saturday night.

The Guest RA from Kampala who runs like a woman and wears a bra and doesn’t know where his bum and titties are, immediately called on BOB for nearly knocking 3 people off their bikes, and Just John for trying to slide down the barrister at slipway.

Shaggy haggis, who doesn’t usually get noticed was called upon for being late, and then running part, driving part and walking part of the run. He was also nominated for hash shit for the same reason, but it turned out he was a hash hero since he went to get beer.

There were absolutely NO virgins at all – what are young people today coming to! (well, certainly not by themselves)

Returnees included Gary Glitter, Dodgy Dick, Muff Diver, Kate, Knight Rider, Boxer, Close Encounters and Just Gabriel.

Departees included Gary Glitter, BOB, Panty pockets, Muff Diver (who just wanted a down down again), Flatulence (who also doesn’t usually get noticed and will be in Sunny Scotland – but he’s trying to get out of it because he doesn’t want to get sun burnt), and outlaw.

Nominations for hash shit were Shaggy, Shark Killer for abusing her power as guest scribe, Dodgy Dick for smoking in the circle, Cat in the Hat for being, well, himself, Knight Rider for being confused about his sexuality and Just Ryan for talking during the entire circle, and not even to a woman. There was a clear winner – Knight Rider! He donned the hash shit gear including the blonde hair – well brown with the mixture of mud and beer, and led us the long, wrong way to the food.

On on

Shark Killer

Hash # 1401
GM: Cockroach
RA: Candy Man
Scribe: Pleasure Centre
Hares: Horni Goat, Flatulence, Wet Dream

At the tenth minute of the tenth hour of the tenth day of the tenth month of the tenth year of the 2nd millennium the intrepid harriers, harriettes and pups of the Dar es Salaam Hash House Harriers headed out on our fourteen hundred and first run.

Hats, sunglasses and smears of suncream were not just a recommendation but a necessity as the sun baked our intrepid runners and walkers and we were all thrilled to find the beer stop in the shade of a semi abandoned vacation home (it could be yours for the bargain price of $500,000 USD*).

• Title deed not included

No one was lost (this time) as the walkers meandered down the cliff and explored the tidal flats. The runners caught them up and capered ahead into the sea. Father Abraham took a splashy turn when sung in knee deep water on shifting sands. Flatulence complained that it was the most work he’d done since he went to Arusha which resulted in an impromptu wet t-shirt competition. Pleasure Pooch tried to rescue yours truly who she thought was drowning, what with all the splashing.

Finally we dripped our way up to the circle – thoughtfully set up in the shade by Candy Blower. The solemn ceremony of the circle commenced with the usual comments on the quality of the run (“good, but Flatulence is a lying bastard and paper hater,” said Cat in the Hat) and walk (“We didn’t lose anyone” said Wanderlust)

The 1402 run will be hosted by Hash Dance and Wanderlust at the Dance Floor. She promised Valet parking outside. Easy Let cannot be disconnected from her CrackBerry which means we were able to find out that auditions for this year’s Pantomime, the Wizard of Oz, will be on the 15th at 17:30 at the Little Theatre.

The GM celebrated other hashers who’ve been to big number hashes (Dar 1000, Addis 1400, Lusaka 1500) and gave special thanks to the hosts and Wild Things and a reminder to clean up before turning the circle over to the RA.

The RA got right down to business with infractions:

There were a whole hoard of hat wearers, a squatter, sock and shoe cleaners, trippers, and the inappropriately dressed, but special mention went to Boogie Boobs, Candy Blower, and Panty Pockets (Squirrel stood in as a fetching look-alike) for stripping off their undergarments during the debauchery the night before. We have finally learned why Candy Blower named her son: “Knicker-less” (we were all wondering).

Speaking of said Debauchery, it was cut short (or at least moved away from the tents) when Twitcher told Easy Let, Fat Bitch, Candy Blower, Legless, Cat-in-the-hat, Candy Man and Wet dream to shove off… the RA awarded them a down down in consolation. Spitz had provided some real knock-down punch, which was greatly enjoyed by all, especially Legless. When they finally stumbled off to bed, Fat Bitch literally stumbled into Wet Dream’s wee bush, and made the mistake of telling the RA about it, right before the circle commenced.

Speaking of last night, Legless, Shark Killer and AC/DC demonstrated their scandalous sleeping arrangements, snug together in one tent! It was no surprise therefore that Legless and Shark killer were among the last to breakfast this morning (along with Camp Bed and Late Cummer).

Back to the GM, with a note to our sponsors: DT Dobie (for the tshirts) and TBL, as well, of course, as our hosts. Flatulence, Late Cummer and Horni Goat were rewarded for their late-night game efforts with a down down from the new triple (RIP old Triple!).

Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for: Hashit!

There were several nominations: Twitcher for ruining Wet Dream’s evening, Legless for being noisy and running into a tree, and Candy Man simply for being a noisy bastard. Twitcher just about had the nomination wrapped up when there was a late-breaking SELF nomination by Candy Blower!! Didn’t she learn from Fat Bitch’s indiscretion? Needless to say the honors were awarded to Candy Blower for her expert knicker removal (she even voted for herself!).

The circled closed with the usual song, and hashers headed home, a little sunburned, a little salty, and very happy.

OnOn

HASH TRASH
Run No. 1400
Venue: Wet Dream’s & Boogie Boobs’s Beach Hideaway, Kimbigi
Hares: Cockroach, Wet Dream, Boogie Boobs
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Pinky Winky aka The Perkle aka Candyman

What a pulchritudinous Hash - so fitting for our 1400th birthday. So many Hashes and yet so little sign of Hashers maturing into responsible, sober, productive adults. Here’s to the next 1400 Hashes - On On.

The Chief Hair - Cockroach - warned Hashers of the hazards of running over coral, and then measured his length before he had even got out of the plot - as did BagOBones. The trail showed unmistakable signs of overplanning and the left hand not knowing what the right hand was doing - i could have sworn it had been set by a Government ministry, but as it was I just swore. There seemed to be checks behind every bush - well perhaps not every bush. But we soon settled down into a steady rhythm going nowhere quite happily. And there were three beer stops - not an all-time record but very welcome nonetheless.

Once the preliminaries were over Hashers got down to the serious business of drinking, being rowdy and generally taking the piss. Spitss and Swallows (always a popular choice) was the first to be targetted on account of her wrecking the Triple last week, trying to hide the evidence, and then pissing off in a great hurry - to attend to a Code Red - so she said. After careful scrutiny of the Penile Code, Hashers determined that she had committed manslaughter and must be punished by submitting to a horizontal down down - executed by no less than Mr Egregious himself - CampBed. You will not be at all surprised to learn that she foamed horribly at the mouth, and then muttered “Fricken” a lot. Pinky Winky was the RA, and a fine job he made of it (it’s just a pity that it doesn’t pay well - and I have been told that the pension is not up to much either). He brought in the LateCummers - to whit: LateCummer, Wounded Knee, and Nurse Ratched (sic) and he got the wannabee Scots (Jesus and BagOBones) out to do a Reel of Two on the side, and then castigated (ouch) Easy Let, Jesus, LateCummer, Cockroach, and Wanderlust for being Inappropriately Dressed. Spitss (ever alert for threats) said that Twitcher’s tent looked like a psychotic helicopter - or a mad chopper if you like - and ‘tis true there was a striking resemblance. Talking of bad parents, there was great opprobrium for Wounded Knee and Nurse Ratched (sic), Head Gasket, and the Wet Dream team. Virigns humiliated included Adam, Natalia (who likes threesomes with a chair) and Melanie. The three GMs (former and present) took the Triple, and a right mess they made of it it too. And the Hashit went to Head Gasket lookalike - Shaggy Haggis. The Circle ended - as it should - with a lusty rendering of Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

On On
BoB

Due to lack of space the account of a sighting of the rare ‘merkin’ at Kimbigi has had to be held over to next week. Editor

Hash Trash 4 October 2010

Hash number 1399 (getting very close to a round figure)

Hares for the run: Cat in the Hat & Nuts 4 Luv

Hares for the walk: Spitz’ Swallow and Jesus

From Cat in the Hat’s house

GM: Cockroach

RA: the Candy Man.

Hares’ judgement time:

A bunch of happy walkers in full bloom commented on “a short one” which went well and kept them all together. This confirmed that size doesn’t really matter provided one knows how to use it. Other hashers wished they had been on the walk.

Announcements:

- The 1400th run will be this weekend at the Boogie boobs and Wet Dream resort, South Beach , 41 km from the ferry. The way will be marked with paper from Amani beach and painted DH3 signs. The run will start at 4pm, so better leave Dar by 1pm to be in time. And there will be a surprise at 10 to 10 on the 10-10-10. Lifts required please email Cockroach simonpbugg at yahoo.com also those offering lifts.

Shark Killer wants to share a tent and despite some interested bidders, she will end up in Head Gasket’s family tent.

- Next Monday’s Hash will be hosted by two lovely ladies, aka Wonderlust & Hashdance somewhere near Slipway.

- Little Theatre Bal has been postponed until further notice, faute de combatants

- 30 October: Halloween party at the Little Theatre.

- 6 November: Guy Fox party at the Police officers’ mess

- 6 November: Marines’ Ball at the Mövenpick. Tickets are on sale at the US Embassy.

- Nothing about the Indian New Year’s fire works L

Be prepared to be good and give to charities:

- There’s gonna be a Sunday morning run some day, for the benefit of the disabled children of the Salvation army

- And of course the already highly publicized Wild Thing sponsored project that will receive support from the Halloween party. And do keep your fancy outfits for a Fancy dress run on November 1st.

For those who like tiny balls, Europe has won the Ryder Cup but some Dom Dom Dom Dom Dom Dom friends tried to pretend that the US had won. There was a mini beer cup and I don’t recall who won, sorry, I was too absorbed by the Cat exhibiting his chest.

Our beloved R.A. condemned the forgetful bastards (I forgot who, sorry, was probably still in shock), the late coming bastards (Desparate, Bombastic, Late Cummer, Easy Let, Shark Killer, etc. ) and the fashion victims (Shark Killer again, Jesus, No name, Saddle Sore, Easy Let and yours truly): Ladies, be ready for a warm Safari if you don’t cover the bumps in your Hash tee shirts.

Kiligodo was lauded as the best singer but he needs to learn the end of the song for next Hash.

Returnees included Injured Jonahtan, Spare and Banzai. The Hash hero was Jonathan for getting injured from too much sex (??) – How did he hurt his legs? Can we get him back in the circle for a demonstration please?

Those who dared announcing they would not go to the 1400th run bouhhhh!!!!!!!!!: Panty Scottish, Foxy, Saddlesore – too busy riding MLP, Bob the tight git, Spare - who’ll be cooking the Swedish Chef, and Nuts 4 Luv & Mancuff who can’t find the venue (dum dum dum dum dum dum).

Ah, and the virgins of the week were: Atipa Omani, from Mafia, who came via the football connection and likes doggy style; Harry from Ghana, who was brought by Ed Gasket and likes doggy style too; Jane from Oregon, who was brought by nobody, or, she meant Cat in the Hat, likes the kitten style or whatever; Sheryl from Botswana boosted our RA’s ego when he felt like Sherlock because he found out who had made her come to the Hash. There was also Drew from Botswana , who enjoyed the 69; and Göttögöttösthing from Finland , who likes it as open as possible (ahah! There we go! Perhaps that’s how Jonathan hurt his leg …. Call me Sherlock!°). Finally, Kevin, from Canada , likes doggy style so they can both watch the hockey game.

Happy Hashy Birthday to Fully Fitted!

Just John shall from now on be called One Pump Chump.

A last minute sponsor for the 1400th is DT Dobbie.

Squirrel happily handed over the Hash shit gear to his successorssss. (There seem to be two, hence the sssssss): Spits’ Swallow was nominated for having broken the triple and run away with it – bouhhhhh!!!!. And One pump chump for listening to his music during the run two weeks in a raw – bouh toooooooo!!!. In a bit of a chaos, it seems that One pump chump will be Hash shit next Monday but we have a mystery hasher who will take the Hash gear to wear during the 1400 weekend.

Virgins swung low and went for (no) food.

On On!

Foxy Pussy

Hash # 1398
GM: Cockroach
RA: Candy Man
Hares: Horni Goat, Flatulence, Shaggy Haggis

After an achingly long run (declared to be “too Flat” by Jesus) and a “Well Directed” walk (as described by Saddle Sore) the circle got down to business. Those Hashers feeling chilled by the nippy Dar es Salaam night huddled up near the brais which were in full blaze.

Announcements were many and detailed:

Saddle Sore reminded us all about the Little Theatre fancy dress party on Oct 30, Hosted by Wild Things Safaris, proceeds to charity. Kiddies come early for games, dancing and live music from the Band with No Name late. She mentioned something called a Ducky Lip? Dunno… sounded like a venereal disease to me, but one can never tell with the brits.

Panty Pockets was put on the spot by Easy Let who didn’t want us to see that she was a late cummer and completely inappropriately dressed (who wears Heels to a Hash? except to a red dress run, of course). Another Little Theatre Do is in the making- this time the Little Theatre Ball on 16 october. Tickets are 70,000 Tsh for Non-members, members get a 10,000 tsh discount.

While we’re on the subject of balls… the Marine Corps Ball is on 6 November. Being yanks the ticket price is in good old Uncle Sam Dollars- $65, and the time is military 1800.

Better than any ball- the 1400 run is coming up! Gallantly hosted (whether they know it or not) by Boogie Boobs and Wet Dream at their Beach hideaway somewhere in the nether regions south of Dar. GM expects the price to be 40,000 or 50,000 tsh (60 if we beg hard enough), and tents will be provided by Wild Things. The tshirt with the lovely new logo designed by our FABULOUS haberdasher (aka yours truly) will make its debut there… so don’t miss out!

There were many items lost, but they all seemed to belong to Outlaw, who demanded a down down for each one, then complained about the quality of our golden nectar! too cold and tasty apparently… a shot of Grand Malta cheered him right up… enough so that he had to be brought BACK into the circle almost immediately upon exiting for violating the No Sex on the Hash rule with none other than Head Gasket. Hanky panky was also observed with MLP and Saddle Sore, so they joined the wayward couple.

The RA started off on a high note: announcing that Flatulence and Horni Goat were the winners of the Treasure Hunt over the past weekend, but then got right down to the misdemeanors. And what a list there was!

Late cummers, Transportation abusers (walk-ins, taxi riders, lift refusers, bajaj dare devils), Techno users, Fashionistas (who have the good sense to modify our t-shirts in fantastic new ways, but are totally unappreciated by the RA), and Nut Cracker took a tumble over a bottle of Fanta. There are really too many individuals to remember!

Returnees included Outlaw, Saddle Sore, Mr Bombastic , and Flatulence. Departees included nut cracker (off to Haiti), MLP (off to Malawi for his Birthday) and Just JC (off to Mbinga… wherever the hell that is).

There was quite the slew of virgins! Three self abusers came on their own (Joe from Near Leeds- cue song, Ryan from the USofA and Roman from Canuk-land). Sharkkiller brough Shane who likes to get clean with a crowd. Just Orlando (as he then was known) dragged out James who is purely medieval and Kevin who enjoys some finger abuse. Pinto from USofA and Miriam, the sole woman of the group, from Denmark rounded out the bunch.

Fuck Off was reminded that it is Reunification Day in Germany, which is apparently why he left.

Orlando shall henceforth be known as Stroker due to some rabble rousing by Nutcracker, who was appropriately named Hashit for her trouble.

The circle closed with the familiar song and the group descended on the brai.
OnOn
Pleasure Centre

HASH TRASH
Run No. 1397
Venue: Valhalla
Hares: Arse Liquor, Castratus, Spits and Swallows, Panty Pockets
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: The Perkle

You would think the local residents would be very blase about Hashers by now, but there seemed to be more than the usual amount of “staring in disbelief’ on this Hash - all became clear when I ran abreast of Pleasure Centre, as she was wearing an off-the-shoulder number that looked as though it would imminently become an off-both-shoulders-and-the-rest number. Talking of decolletage (as you do), Easy Let was all got up in a cracking Arabian Nights costume, but sadly the RA missed the opportunity to get her to do the dance that went with it.

I have written before in these hallowed pages (cf Trash 959) how I sleep well at night knowing that Spits is on duty watching out for threats to world peace, so you can imagine how horrified I was to learn that she cannot read a map! When given a map to guide the walky talkies on their little stroll, she got it completely a... over t..! Fortunately there were others less navigationally-challenged (yes, I do mean you, Dominatrix) to keep everyone on track. As for me, I guess it’s back to the sleeping tablets.

Now where were we? Ah yes, Valhalla. CampBed - a virgin runner - said the run had broken his balls and had anyone got a Band-Aid? EasyLet said the walk was dusty, but it was good on the hole (no, we won’t go there). NWH will be at Windy Towers and will beset by those three well-known Hash Incontinents (I think you mean ‘Incompetents’ - Ed No, I know what I mean - Scribe) Flatulence, HorniGoat and Haggy Shaggis. There were interminable announcements of important events including in no particular order or accuracy: Arse Liquor’s Leaving Thrash at F.I.N’s old house this Saturday starting 1900, a St George’s Treasure Hunt on Sunday morning at 1000 at Oysterbay SC, TANZACAT, the 1400th Hash at Wet Dream’s Beach Palace on 9th October, MLP’s birthday on October 13th (free drinks all round), somebody’s Annual Ball at the Little Theatre on October 16th, Halloween, November the 5th and 6th, the Marine Corps Ball, Christmas, New Year, the Mactilda Hash on 23nd January, and the All Africa Hash on 6/7 May in Addis.

There was a morass of LateComers, Departees, Premature Finishers, Returnees, Virgins and The Inappropriately Dressed, but I do remember Jesus in his RA RA skirt, Alice (who the .... is Alice?) liking to do it on her tummy, and the welcome return of Nutcracker. But of course the big story of the night was that it was the last Hash of Arse Liquor - call him what you will - Freddie, Lady Gaga, King of the Piss Artists, Obama’s Secret Weapon - he gave us a helluva lot of laughs during his short time with us. Years from now, some grizzled old Hasher (Kilin’dogo?) will still be talking of when AL gave us the “Alabama Crabdangler’. Go well - we will surely miss you.

The Hashit went to Pleasure Centre for teasing everyone with hectares of bare flesh, and she had the brass neck to put the red soutien-gorge on Pleasure Pooch. (I hope Foxy appreciates all this week’s frog stuff - Ed) And the Circle ended with SLSC.

On On
BoB

Hash Trash 1396.
Venue: Nuthouse

Following a conflict between the pen provided by Desperate and the paper provided by Pleasure Centre, very few notes were taken about this wonderous event. It felt like it was Bob a job week as I got landed with grabbing money from everyone (many thanks for the luxurious weekend I have booked in Selous) and writing this work of fiction…hash hero or what?

Thank goodness for the breaking news that the god-awful Peroni-piss water is off the menu (that world renowned broadsheet – Trash #1935). If by any chance there are any piss-in-a-bottles left, please oh please grand master can we have it instead of safari? I’m hoping that’s not blasphemous to the safari gods.

Our enthusiastic Hares – Cat in a bag, Nuts for lurve & Pleasure centre – battled the funky weather and set the trail numerous times yet still managed to have the promised 2 beer stops and the odd bit of paper on the ground in roughly the right kind of place. The reviews were favourable – obviously lies.

The circle fluctuated between a little ‘Lost control’ and a lot ‘Lost control’. The GM seems to be under the impression that hahsers who semi-willingly drink warm safari, spray ice water and beer all over each other on a regular basis are going to shut up because they get shot with a water pistol shooting peroni-piss-water. Dream on….

NWH will be at the real brewery where they brew lots of real Tanzanian beer. We have been promised a right old show and some Yankee beer. So, why we are hauling our asses over the other side of town is a mystery to me.

Perkle blower announced the Last Night of the Proms – on Sat if you fancy a picnic at the BHC. Arse liquors leaving party will be also be on Saturday 25th (see, I knew it was the 25th not the 18th , I was about to swear on the last Peroni bottle it was announced as the 25th ), Panty pockets was trying in vain to sell delightful Morogoro hash t-shirts, a snip at 3000/- each. Oh and in 4 more runs it’ll be the 2000th run at yet another mysterious location.

1000’s of spurious down downs, bits floating in my down down and the circle went on and on and on and on so I left for more interesting entertainment. Hence I wasn’t witness to see who was professing to be a virgin yet have an FSP. Nor can I give testimony to the hash shit awarding ceremony – though my personal opinion is that AC/DC should have the hash shit forever for asking for an iron at the Kola Hills Hotel at any time of day (did she get one?). I assume that the chaos of the circle ended with SWSL although the RA failed to take Close Encounters up on a song in memory of her recent trip up north, so maybe not?

With love,

Dominatrix

Hash Trash
Run No. 1395
Venue: Rock Garden, Morogoro
Hares: Wet Dream, Cockroach, Panty Pockets
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: The Perkle

Just Douglas (as he was then known) said that the run was rocky, stretchy and good fun, though I reckon Wet Dream is losing his grip, as he didn’t con anywhere near as many Hashers as usual to go up the near-vertical cliff. And as one who remembers being conned by him in the past, I like to see lots of others befall the same fate. To be fair though, he did his best to get us all arrested for pissing about in the waterworks, and, if it hadn’t been for Banzai’s diplomatic skills, we might all be still languishing in Morogoro Jail.

The GM kicked off the proceedings by pulling out of his bag a selection of thongs, anal floss, and sundry other pieces of female underwear that he claimed to have found in his bed when he woke up. The only Harriette brave enough to own up to owning any of them was Sparkle, and she called in Gypsy Queen, Takkatrakka, and Twitcher to join her in the Down Down. Anemone Queen (I just write it as the GM says it) and Tina (a.s.w.t.k.) were called to explain the strange noises they were making in the middle of the night. Kilin’Dago, Turtle and Sparkle were thanked for clearing up the mess. The RA had a rant about breakfast - with Candblower allegedly failing to deliver on her promise of The Big Breakfast, and Spits making everyone queasy with her bacon and peanut butter sandwich. There was a Fish Song from Get Me Off, Twin Peaks, Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, and Nuts4Love, as well as a new version of the Father Abraham song. It was announced that the much-anticipated Battle of the Dickheads had been won very convincingly by Get Me Off, who blew her opponent (Flatulence) clean out of the ring. She is our new Queen of the Dong. Just Douglas was renamed LEGLESS, and Tina was named CENTREFOLD. The Hashit went to AC/DC for caring so much about her appearance on the Hash that she was searching desperately for an iron at 6 a.m. on a Sunday morning. I ask you.

On On
BoB

HASH TRASH
Run No. 1394
Venue: Kola Hill, Morogoro
Hares: Squirrel, BagoBones, Panty Pockets
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: The Perkle

The run started well but I had a feeling in my bones that it was going too well, and sure enough, when we met up with the walky talkies the full shocking scale of the disaster became apparent - LateCummer, who can normally charm himself into anyone’s knickers, had been rebuffed at the first hurdle - ipso facto - no beer stop at the Rocks. With a heavy heart and bursting lungs we pushed on. The Hares got a fright when they thought they had lost Babu Bill (as he was then known) but you don’t get to his advanced age without knowing your way around, and he turned up right as rain just when the search party was setting out. Hashers on the Rocks treated themselves to a virtual beer stop, and judging by all the extravagant burping and farting that went on afterwards they enjoyed it more than the real thing. The Rocks are one of life’s great turning points - and those saddoes still trying to prove something (despite being well over the hill) went over the hill - whilst those more comfortable with their personas went around the hill and were rewarded by reaching the second beer stop (as it was originally known) first. Are you following all this? - do try to keep up.

The Circle kicked off with a long round of thanks;
Panty Pockets - for much of the organisation (sic)
Bumtitty - for providing the softies, ice and water
Alex Moshi - for sponsoring the T-shirts (couldn’t he change his company’s name to Cream Pages? - yellow is so not my colour)
GGBL (Gary Glitter’s Brewery Ltd - an SAB Miller charity) - for providing the designer beer imported specially from Italy (but not for much longer - surprise, surprise)
Not to mention, but I will anyway, Cockroach, LateCummer, and CandyBlower.

Things then got rather rumbustious but the GM whipped out his water pistol, and this dampened things down for a short while. The RA took over, with the GM kindly giving him a lesson in the complexities of loading and firing a water pistol. Those the RA called to account included:
SCBs; Wet Dream, Bumtitty, Babu Bill
Fallers and Crawlers: Wet Dream, Foxy Pussy, Castratus, Squirrel, Bullseye and Banzai
Movers and Shakers: Twin Peaks, Bumtitty, Takkatrakka, Felicia
Inappropriately Dressed: Buggered Balls, Shark Killer, Dominatrix, Foxy Pussy, Panty Pockets, Grasshopper and Tadpole
Overly Fit Bastards: Enema Queen, Twitcher, Flatulence, Banzai and Hornigoat
Returnees: Boogie Boobs, Shark Killer, Enema Queen, Spitssss, and TittyBummer
Virgins: Babu Bill, Felicia, Chris, Charles, Nancy, Tina, and Anita (and if you were her size your FSP would be “on top” (U.S: cowgirl) too)

Then there was some naming and shaming. Babu Bill was named FATHER ABRAHAM and was treated to a horizontal down down by Foxy Pussy, Stella, the electrical engineer, is henceforth to be called AC / DC, and Tarimo is to be KITI MOTO (though I thought ‘Piggy Wanker’ would have been a more profound choice).

The Hashit was a no-brainer. Shark Killer not only missed the Hash cos her mind was elsewhere (in the Marine House perhaps?), she was also wearing a skirt in the Circle, and had been heard trying to hide her hash name. Wet Dream (Standard Chartered Bank), Foxy Pussy (“hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”), and Dominatrix (trying to seduce old men) were just there to give the whole contest a spurious air of authenticity. As in all the best Circles the event ended with the singing of SLSC.

OnOn
BoB