HASH TRASH
Run No.1374 10 May 2010
Venue: Elephant Balls’s mudsplash
Hares: Boxer, Panty Pockets
Grand Master: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Perkle

There seemed to be a lot of Hashers not signing up for the food - in anticipation perhaps of it being standard Scandiwegian fare - i.e. rancid raw fish on dry crispbread. Any road, that’s neither here nor there, because it was a crackingly well-set trail on relatively uncharted territory. Sail said it was set by pros for running by pros (i think he meant professionals). True, it ended with us all in the dark, but that was because of the late start on account of endless farting about with money for Bagomoyo - pay up early next time, like wot I did. There’s a leaving party for FIN at the Marine House on Friday, which ends at 0200 sharp, leaving you just about time to stagger to the start of the Bagomoyo relay at 06.30 Saturday at St Peters Church. And as we are on the subject of the Bagomoyo, Wet Dream warned everyone to juice up, cream up, and only pitch up in serious 4WD vehicles. You have been told. Why is it that most teams have about 6 members but Wet Dream’s team has 36? Mmmmm. There was to be no Hash on the Monday after Bagomoyo, but then Arse Liquor offered, and then that hussy Dominatrix took his offer off him. She’ll send out a map, but I would advise everyone to ring up Candyman at 5p.m. Monday, as you usually do.

The RA, for reasons lost to me, called forth three Hashers - LateCummer, Gary Glitter, and Flatulence - who are well-known for their robust, no-nonsense attitude to women. He was in a right crabby mood, witness LateCummer being hauled over the coals for coming to the Hash early, and Arse Liquor, Head Gasket, and Bumtitty being down downed for exposing their tits (why is it never the harriettes who do this?). My Little Pony and Saddlesore kept groping each other and so had to be forcibly separated, but then proceeded to have telephone sex across the Circle! Takatraka, Arse Liquor, and Loves that Shit got into trouble for being inappropriately dressed. Returnees included Wounded Knee, Beach Balls (remember him?), Saddlesore, MLP, and Ski Feet. The RA sounds ever less convincing when he tries to tell the Virgins that he isn’t personally interested in their FSPs, but for the record, Ashton Martin (Durban) likes it arsy versy, Hokkkorn (Oslo) likes it in the backside, Kathy (Auckland) likes it on the boardwalk, and Morag (Aberdeen) likes it in the heather. Gary Glitter was hailed as a Hash Hero for agreeing to let us have 200 cases of Kili for the Bagomoyo relay. Let’s make the most of his generosity before he gets fired from TBL. It was also his birthday. As for awarding the Hashit, there was, sad to say, such a piss-poor set of candidates - Wet Dream, Boogie Boobs, Candyman, Saddle Sore - that it was re-awarded to Loves that Shit on account of his failure once again to wear the regalia and brandish Torsten’s Friend and Torsten’s Friend’s Brother. Why is it so hard to prise these two out of Boogie Boobs’s clutches? The Circle ended in the traditional way.

The food was fine - not a rancid fish in sight - but some Akevitt would have gone down well.

On On
BoB