HASH TRASH
Run No. 1413
Venue: Ooor Hoose
Hares: Wet Dream, Tootsie, Boogie Boobs
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Wet Dream

For me, the mince pies and mouldy wine were the highlights of this Hash, but there was a run (‘no paper’ said Little MG) and a walk (‘wot walk?’ said Mama Kali). The Trailmaster has gone AWOL (was it something I said?) but DumbAss stepped in and offered to host next weeks Hash - somewhere. We were told that there will be a ‘memorable’ T-shirt - yeh, sure, of course there will.

Little MG’s boasts of drinking her American fellow-students under the table were put to the test in a Boat Race with Boring - but at the finish there wasn’t a drop of spittle between them. The Guest RA, complaining about the piss-poor singing, tried to lower the tone with a choir of EasyLet, Takkatrakka, and AC/DC, but all they came up with was a schmaltzy carol. When asked why they were late, Angie, Violent and Get Me Off complained of a rash, but they wouldn’t say where it was. Mick the Dick, Mama Kali, and Salty Gonads were welcomed back to the Hash with the Triple. Jo, another party girl masquerading as a serious student a long long way from her parents, was named SAFE SEX - by popular acclaim. There really wasn’t much scope to finger people for the Hashit, so it stayed with Boring - pretty much by default. And anyway he needs more practice in putting a bra on - he’s nearly 20 for heaven’s sake. The Circle ended with SLSC.

On On

HASH TRASH
Run No. 1412
Venue: Thai Village
Hares: Cockroach, Desperate
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Gary Glitter

A motley dribble of sweaty Santas wound their way through very familiar territory, but the promise of three beer stops kept them going - and so it came to pass. Shark Killer had the brass neck to ask for a Vodka and TangaWizi at one of them, and got it!

NWH is in Wet Dream’s bed. Shark Killer is promising fun in the sun on Bongoyo Island on Boxing Day (meet 0900 at Slipway) Fully Fitted is climbing Kili for charity in January and would welcome your support (no thongs please), and Panty Pockets is suggesting that you fit in a Hash on Zanzibar during the Sauti za Busara music festival (11-13 February). Three Luos from Nairobi were welcomed with the Triple Down Down, and last weeks Hashit holders - Head Gasket and AC/DC - were made to share the Hashit shorts. AC/DC received the first Chrissy present, which appropriately enough seemed to be two dildos linked by a rope - though one of the Brats pointed out that dildos don’t usually have rev counters on them, and so it was more likely to be a skipping rope. Other presents included lubricants of various colours (mostly white) sporran cleaners, fanny flannels, soap on a rope, and a vibrator (Caucasian) (anatomically correct) (batteries included) which went to a good home. In their excitement both Cockroach and Shaggy creamed their shorts. Returnees included Spare, Boring, Fully Fitted and Shaggy. The Hashit was a toss-up, and tossers in contention included Shark-Killer, Desperate, AC/DC and Boring. It went to Boring, and boy was he Sick. The Circle ended with SLSC.

On On
BoB

Run No. 1411
Venue: Hash Harlot’s Brothel
Hares: Dominatrix, Just David (ahwtk)
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Candyman

The select few that pitched up at the brothel were rewarded with a challenging, sweat-dripping run, and a no-nonsense forced march for the walky-talkies. The beer stop was hidden away in the back of a shebeen, and the runners overran it. Some of the walkies, who looked as though they had been there for hours, called them back, but Head Gasket steam-rollered on regardless. AC/DC ran after him to turn him round - bad mistake.

Nuts 4 Lurve claimed to have interrogated Castrato about NWH over the breakfast table, but he was issuing information strictly on a ‘need to know’ basis and so wouldn’t tell her anything. He was last seen at 17.30 hours heading across the tracks for the ‘cheating side of town’, so Nuts4L is on the market again. As it happened, the GM knew that, if he gets round to organising it, NWH will be the Christmas Special at the Thai Village. Another red T-shirt to dump with the yellow ones in the bottom of the cupboard. Oh, and there will be at least three beer stops. Do not turn up without a Chrissy present costing not more than Tsh 5,000. Following a rather unfortunate incident some years ago (the child is still in therapy) please clearly label the present as being for CHILD, or ADULT, or PERVERTED ADULT - as appropriate. It was announced that you can have great fun with children at the Little Theatre on December 18th. Santa is going to come - isn’t he the lucky one.

There were calls for a short Circle, so the RA got everyone to kneel down. Yes, Candyman was back. But, as usual he couldn’t wait to get to the Virgins. There was only one, a spirited, and uninhibited Nairobean called Angie or AJ. Her FSP was unintelligible amongst all the giggling - and that was just the RA. The Departees outnumbered the Stayers and Festerers, but they are all going to be doing boring things, except for Pleasure Centre who has got a hot date with Mickey Mouse. When called to give a note for the Departees, F-Off shouted ‘F***-OFF” - which was highly apposite in the circumstances. Just David - a landscape gardener/architect by profession - will henceforth be known as BRAZILIAN LAWN. This gem came from Angie, who obviously knows her bushes. Candyblower promised to explain it to the RA later. Head Gasket accounted for most of the candidates for the Hashit (over-running the beer stop - being half-naked in the Circle - never shutting up) but there was also AC/DC whose crime was to ensure that Head Gasket didn’t get lost (when the Dar Hash has been trying to lose him for years). It was only fitting then that the Hashit be awarded jointly to both of them - and so it came to pass. The Circle ended with SLSC.

On On
BoB

Life is like a sewer - what you get out of it depends on what you put into it

HASH TRASH
Run No. 1410
Venue: Windy Towers
Hares: Flatulence, Hornigoat, Panty Pockets
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Dominatrix

It was long and a bit wrinkly, and the trail wasn’t much better, but it came good in the end. Most Hashers heeded the call to come in red lingerie, though the GM had his arse over tit as usual (I jfind it hard to believe that his extensive collection of scanties, see-throughs and skimpies all belong to EasyLet). Pleasure Pooch looked very fetching in a push-up red bra. And was it Martha, or Caroline or Robi who was wearing a thong from Victoria’s Secret with the price tag still on it?

NWH will be a completely different kettle of fish, as it will be a very learned affair hosted by the Hash Harlot at her cut-price brothel in Regent Estate. Everyone knows where it is. Her significant other said the trail will be laid in anthrax spores - strange sense of humour these Canucks, donchya think?

Just when we thought we might get away without there being an announcement (Candyblower being absent)we got some good and bad news: Flatulence is leaving......but is coming back. The Guest RA was Dominatrix, but what with her memory (what memory?) and her classroom skills (what classroom skills?) she struggled to keep the lesson going according to plan (what plan?). There were an interminable number of returnees including Pissed in Action, Pleasure Centre, Just Charles (ahwtk), Takkatrakka, Bing, Bong, Centrefold, Once a Month, and Enema Queen. Half of them were also Departees - why do we bother? Just Charles is now to be known as Hitler (I can’t explain the link, as I haven’t got all night, but testicles came into it along the way). And Roman, whose chat-up skills couldn’t get him a girl in a brothel (according to Shark-killer), is to be called Caligula. I like that. A few straw men were nominated for the Hashit, but the world and his wife knew that it would inevitably stay with Shark killer, because she doesn’t wear it with pride. This week she conned some poor schmuck into carrying it for her. And so it came to pass. We ended with SLSC.

On On
BoB

HASH TRASH
Run No. 1409
Venue: The Lunatic Asylum
Hares: Shark Killer, Castrato, Just Swair
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Shark Killer

Ok, it was a bit itchy and scratchy around the edges, but this is the Hash after all, and nobody went home hungry or thirsty - except maybe Dommy and her significant other. Slips Insider said the walk was totally misguided, and although she felt cheated in getting only one beer stop it was very welcome nonetheless. As usual the Trailmaster wittered on about a fantastic, incredible Hash coming up next week, without knowing anything at all about it. But I can tell you that Flatulence is hosting it (let’s hope that Hornigoat has a hand in it too) at Windy Towers, and we are instructed to bring / wear something scantily-clad in red (No, Shark Killer does not count - that’s too obvious). It was Hashy Birthday for Kili ndogo, Just Steven, and Dumbass.

Shark Killer was the Guest RA ! - isn’t it great to see new young sex-mad thrusters making their way up the management ladder - hopefully they will push aside some of the superannuated windbags that have festered there for so long. She kicked off her slot in fine style by having the nerve to call in the GM for coming late three times on one Hash - Easy Let might like it late, but the rest of us get a bit brassed off. The Inappropriately Dressed included Pinochio, Just David and Just Swair (as he was then known). Returnees included, Neandershorty, BagoBones, Sail and Swair (ahwtk). There was a whole SUV-load of Virgins (what is the collective noun for Virgins by the way?), all of whom seemed to be members of some dubious cult led by Wounded Knee - amazing that amongst five yanks: matthew, mandy, sarah, jim and ann - not one claimed ‘reverse cowgirl’ as their FSP. Oh yeh and there was Just Steven and Caroline. Just when we were hoping that Shark Killer had forgotten about the riddle she set us before the run, she announced that Twitcher had found the solution - and after a lot of farting around she was given her prize - which turned out to be a scanty bra that Shark Killer claimed to have grown out of. She (Twitcher not Shark Killer - do keep up) put it on, and the bemused look on Sparkle’s face spoke volumes. The naming ceremony is always hard work and this one was no exception, but from now on Swair will be known as SWINGING SPEAR, Caroline is to be BACK DOOR ENTRY, and Steven is BORING. And after we took the trouble of naming you, you had better pitch up for the next 10 Hashes. Candidates for Hashit included Head Gasket (suspiciously quiet) Boring (being on the phone) Twitcher (Dominatrix lookalike), Wounded Knee (transporting a minor across the State Line) and Shark Killer (for being Shark Killer). I think the honour went to Shark Killer but by then I was past caring. Never was the singing of SWSC so welcome.

On On

BoB

Hash Trash 1408 - at Wet Dream and Boogie Boobs’ mansion

Hares: Cockroach, Wet Dream

GM: Cockroach

RA: Shaggy Haggis

Scribe: Shark Killer

18 year old virgin dude Steven described the run as short and “too free” (sex-wise or...), it was said the walking hare was confused, but then Wet Dream is notorious for chasing sex on the hash, as was Gary Glitter on the 1408, but he didn’t get too much positive attention this time (Flatulence was preoccupied) – not without the pretty pink shorts (there WERE other shorts).

Announcements:

South Africa was drubbed by Scotland in the Rugby match.

Shark Killer was selling raffle tickets.

Dominatrix talked about a play at the IST 25th-27th Nov – The Visit

Castratos said Rio sends his love and he is dating a transvestite (in his defence, they can be very pretty, and the normal women in Prague don’t give him a second look!)

Cockroach made a few observations what with the marines and the St Andrew’s ball being traced back to the hash (1921), and hash mugs being dated 1066, and in honour of the Scottish band, someone prepared the skeleton of a speech for him and he simply read out the instructions to the circle – welcome esteemed guests and sponsors, something about a fake Christmas, happy about Scots beating SA, something about Boogie Boobs’ chastity.

There were a lot of firsts from our guest RA – Shaggy. First when he was to start RAing, he disappeared and came back with Haggis served on a Silver Platter. He disappeared a second time for an unknown reason, but Desperate was clearly in sight so we don’t suspect sex. He also lost control a number of times and swore he would never RA again because we (the hashers) are some sort of fuckers (had he never met us before that night??).

Blowjob (formerly known as Ian – part of the Scottish band) went on a rant about the Haggis (they say he was speaking English although it didn’t sound like it to most of us). He scared poor Sparkle (he was waving about a large knife) although she kept going closer to him (she wasn’t the only one who he made curious – there was also virgin Kim who kept moving closer to him – but for different reasons).

Inappropriately dressed were: Cockroach – shoes with “England” written on them, Sushi, Centre Fold, Foxy Pussy, Wags, Porker Stalker, Barking Spiders, Just Roman (who did change from his regular green shirt but not into a hash shirt), Pinocchio.

A short fat bald bastard (Cockroach) look alike – Wounded Knee was called in, along with Legless and Cockroach – the men that couldn’t keep their balance with less than one beer in their systems! (very non hasherly of the wounded bastards).

Lots of sex on this hash – Dominatrix and her husband, My Lil Pony and Saddle Sore, Flatulence (by himself – told you he was preoccupied), Gary Glitter (due to Flatulence’s lack of interest tried to chase some random women – which Flatulence didn’t enjoy so he turned his interest to Legless right in the circle), Fuck Off and Centre Fold.

There was also a lot of child abuse – Dominatrix forgot her kid (and husband – now that can be very convenient), she said Charlie would love that purple cape (negligee), she also sent the kid to stay with his friends because she wanted sex. Twitcher cannot remember the names of her kids so she has them written on their shirts and poured her down down beer on her kid.

Returnees: Boxer, Castratos, Kirsten, Wags, Centre Fold, Bum Titty, Henry, Porker Stalker, Sushi, Fuck Off and two others who were gone too long for us to remember who they are.

Departees: Centre Fold, Gary Glitter (he was upset with Flatulence), Just Nikhil, Porker Stalker

Virgins: Barking Spiders who comes from US, brought by Porker Stalker, likes to be on top (of?), Steven, from US, who comes by himself (he is 18) and likes Doggy style (one can dream), Posh who comes from Arusha, brought by wife and likes Muff Diver. Jui from Kenya brought by Get Me Off, likes Doggy style (meet Steven), Jacky from Botswana brought by Boogie Boobs, likes to be on top – of hubby (she was more specific), Ami from Scotland brought by Boogie Boobs and likes to be under Jacky. Kim from US brought by Man Cuff and likes to be on top, Dirty Sex (dex) from US brought by Nurse Ratchet and likes missionary.

Naming: Ian was named Blowjob, Brian was named Handjob, Davey was named Foreskin (although he should have been called Premature Ejaculation) and Claire was named Finger Flickin’ Good.

There were only two nominations for Hash Shit – Wet Dream for giving Shark Killer a paper plate to write scribe notes on and Dominatrix for, well, because she deserved it. Dominatrix took the honour by a landslide of votes.

Then food was served, Haggis and Whiskey was consumed, hashers threw each other and jumped into the pool and had a lot to drink. The party did not end for the band until 5am when they had to leave for the airport!

On on

Shark Killer

Hash Trash 1407 - at Cosmos hosted by ACDC and Dodgy Dick

Hares: ACDC, Man Cuff, Panty Pockets

GM: Cockroach

RA: Wounded Knee

Scribe: Shark Killer

It was a relatively long run and walk, and a very short circle. There was talk about hairdressing and makeup on the walk according to Gary Glitter, and given how pretty he was looking what with the pink shorts and everything, Flatulence commented on how he should have “taken the stuff off” before the circle – now was he talking about the makeup or the pink shorts...

Trail Mistress NFL said the next hash will be at Boogie Boobs and Wet Dream’s mansion – there is going to be a Scottish band – wear Scottish Regalia, and don’t arrange early morning meetings for Tuesday.

Announcements were: Panty Pockets talked about the Scottish band’s schedule for the week.

Boogie Boobs announced on behalf of Dominatrix (who forgot to pick her kid up –can be expected after she forgot the beer cooler and pink shoes twice) that there will be a play called The Visit at IST 25th – 27th November.

Twitcher said there will be a beerfest organized by the Dar Rugby club on Friday.

Brainless from Nairobi talked about the Migration Hash in 2012 March - $175

It was noted as fortunate that the Dar Guide article came out before last week’s Hash Trash because Shark Killer makes it all about sex on the hash. Cockroach read out some of the innuendo in the Trash and Shark Killer got a down down for it. (Not that that stopped her from more sex on the hash later in the circle).

Fashionistas on the hash were called upon by the guest RA – Shark Killer (for a pink scarf tied around her hips), Gary Glitter (pink shorts), NFL (cutting her TShirt), Brainless (pink longs), Wet Dream (red bra).

Inappropriately dressed and people with head gear were: Shark Killer (not a hash shirt – although it was ill fitting and had advertisements so it should have passed), Wet Dream (wig), Pine Apple Head (a virgin), and Charles (man with bandanna)

Short cutting bastards were: Shark Killer, Charles, virgin male, Squirrel, Pleasure Centre and Head Gasket

Returnees were: Ayaiyai (evening classes), Bombastic (travelled for work), Gary Glitter (hash hero – went to make more money so he can sponsor more hash events), Get Me Off (nursing sick dog), Nancy (was in labour for 3 weeks – but of course – she had an eight year old come out of her).

Departees: Pleasure Centre (Masasi), Charles (he really should get a hash name – going to Nairobi), Spare (working).

Virgins: Jimmy from Kenya brought by Charles and likes Doggy Style, Violet from Kenya brought by Get Me Off, and likes 69 (most people have fewer favourites), Nikhil (who was not the guy in the bra on the halloween hash) from USA, he comes by himself and likes 69 as well (quite adventurous for a virgin dude who comes by himself), Tomoko from Japan, Bonzai “made her come” (to the hash!), she likes “simple regular style”

Hash Shit Nominations were: Gary Glitter who was supposed to be back hare but quit right outside the gate, Half the Scottish band for being fast walking bastards in crocs, and Shark Killer (of course) for being a tease (as always) – showing the delight standing in the light.

The circle ended with Gary Glitter looking even prettier with not only the pink shorts but also a red bra, a purple negligee, and a toilet seat. There was very little sex on this hash and the food was yummy!

On on

Shark Killer

Hash Trash 1406 - at Jackie’s

Hares: Twitcher, Nuts for Love and CandyBlower

GM: Cockroach

RA: Candy Man

Scribe: Shark Killer

The run was described by Dumbass as fast and long (like some men) and the walk kept going back on itself according to Wet Dream. This may have been because he took the trail map away from CandyBlower and led everyone the wrong way trying to get sex on the hash but only got some hand holding action by that I mean he got to hold a woman’s hand, well, Dominatrix’s hand.

Forgetful Bastards included CandyBlower she forgot her key ring which said “Little Miss Bossy on it (no wonder CandyMan tried to be such a loyal husband, defending CandyBlower when she was accused of making the walkers almost miss a beer stop), NFL had some fragrant toiletries (maybe she wanted sex on the hash and was using scent as her seduction technique) and the bag itself.

AC/DC will be hosting the next run at COSMOS with Dodgy Dick.

Announcements were: Aberdeen 1500th Hash on 30th April 2011, pay by January. They are expecting the weather to be really good that time of the year in Sunny Scotland.

There is a Bitch Party at Slipway on December 3rd (Umoja House Charity Event).

New comers guide to Dar Es Salaam available for sale for TShs. 10,000 – contact Panty Pockets.

Quiz night at the Little Theatre on 19th November

Scottish band playing on Wednesday 17th November at the Irish Pub (we don’t expect there to be a lot of drinking that night given its Scottish and Irish people), 19th November, Friday at the Holiday Inn and 22nd November, Monday, at the HASH!

DSM Yacht Club Ball Saturday 13th November – TShs. 55,000

There was an article by “Who the fuck is Alice!?” in the Dar Guide November issue that completely defamed the Hash with pictures of Foxy Pussy, AC/DC, Cockroach, BOB, and of course Arse Liquor with a drawn on moustache and a red bra.

There was sex on the marine ball (unbelievable!), the culprits were a couple of hashers (again, shocking), both were MALE (we were startled!) – and then we learned it was Head Gasket and Cockroach (at which everybody nodded knowingly).

There was a lot of sex on the 1406 – Shark Killer and Just Roman, where they shared Shark Killer’s half of the Hashit gear, in her own defence, she said, “He wanted IT!” at which point Just Roman realised that chivalry is not something hashers are used to.

Castratos was asking all the women – and men! who wanted a “big one” (he meant lemon drops) and the naughty girls that got a down down for this were Shark Killer, Foxy Pussy and AC/DC. The ones who should also have been called in for this but weren’t, are Cockroach and Head Gasket.

Short Cutting Bastards were Caroline, Dominatrix (who ran away before the end of the circle because she was afraid of Boogy Boobs’ wrath), Close Encounters and Shark Killer.

Returnees were Bonzai, Castratos who was being a match maker for Bonzai (well, he is American so we were surprised since usually they tend to mind their own business), Elephant balls who was helping to rig the elections and Keith who was friendless.

Departees were Fully Fitted, Just Roman, Stainless Steel and Pig Iron.

Inappropriately dressed people were Caroline, Bolly, Just Roman, Debra, Keith, Elephant Balls, Easy Let and Pinocchio. They really have no excuse since T-Shirts have been on sale at every hash since the 1400th.

Virgins were Gwen (a man) from France, brought by Foxy Pussy and his favourite sexual position, which foxy pussy had her ears perked up to listen to, and was disappointed to learn, is “on top of CandyMan”. (We wanted a demonstration but CandyMan was afraid to let it happen in front of Little Miss Bossy, even though he really wanted it too). Samurai, from Japan (seriously), brought by Bonzai and his FSP is SnM. Tanni from Arizona and China came by herself (as virgins do), although her FSP is “against a wall” (now is that by herself or...)

Nominees for Hash shit were: Wet Dream for multiple reasons, Shark Killer for giving half of her half of the hash shit gear to Just Roman to wear, Just Roman for offering to take half of Shark Killer’s half of the hash shit gear off her, NFL for being far too organized, Squirrel for playing with his nuts, Slip Inside for disrupting the circle by talking.

There was a face-off between Wet Dream and Shark Killer and Wet Dream ended up with the hello kitty shorts on his head.

On on

Shark Killer

Hash Trash 1405 - at BB’s and Wet Dreams mansion

Hares: Cockroach and Wet Dream

GM: Cockroach

RA: Candy Man

Scribe: Shark Killer

It was a fun hash, there were vodka shots, a swimming pool, stocks, halloween costumes, and lots of drunk people with little inhibition even when they are sober. Ok, wait, it’s the hashers we’re talking about here, lets not kid ourselves, we are never sober.

So in all the excitement, it was only noticed after the announcements that there was nobody scribing, which I think the GM should be blamed for, and nobody even gave him a down down for the same.

It was a short run with lots of stops, a lot of interesting reactions from the people around given we had a dead man walking, a devil, a doctor, a cat woman, a few witches and a frog on the run/walk.

The winner of the best costume were 3 witches – PP, NFL and Nurse Ratchet. There may have been one other winner.

The announcements if memory serves correctly were about the balls that are coming up, but since there was no mention of the bats coming up, there was little interest in this announcement. Then there was a rather inappropriate announcement from Legless about the Sharks winning the finals against Western Province on Saturday, for which he was held prisoner for a few minutes while we aimed wet sponges at his face.

There was a bit of a conflict about a broom left behind somewhere by one of the witches – we encouraged a faceoff between Candy Blower and Easy Let for the same, but none of them were very willing. The broom, however, was awarded to Easy Let.

BB and Wet Dream were thanked profusely for their generosity, -- (here is one of the spots the scribe notes got wet with Candy Blower’s – well, wine).

Given that there are only 2 rules at the hash, the 2nd rule was surprisingly broken twice on the 1405 – by Saddle Sore and My Little Pony and then separately by Shark Killer (using her cat woman costume tail – during the run – although technically, it takes two so she should not have been called on for breaking that rule).

Returnees: Nurse Ratchet whose reason was barfing kids, Panty Pockets, Bent who was stuck somewhere, the guy who always wears a bandanna, My Little Pony who was in jail in Malawi and two other people who have been away too long for us to remember who they are.

Departees: Fuck off is finally doing what he’s told and fucking off! Others were Bolly, and sparkle’s grandparents – Stailess and Pig Iron (who says his wife is perfect, so we wondered how long they’d been married, the debate was between one week and two weeks. The people supporting the former won the argument).

Virgins: Duncan who comes from Ireland and was brought by Squirrel and refused to demonstrate his FSP. Frederick from Kenya who was brought by Charles and likes Doggy Style. Jane who was looking nervous who comes from USA and was brought by NFL and who likes them all!

Nominees for hash shit were Shark Killer for sex on the hash (by herself), Knight Rider for not bring the shit gear for 1 week, Head Gasket for no custume, Bolly for farting in BB’s face. The highest order of the hash was awarded jointly to Bolly and Shark Killer (because she let the power of being scribe get to her head yet again and tried to get out of being nominated).

The evening finally ended at midnight after hashers were well fed, very wet and quite drunk on the sambuca and vodka shots.

On On
Shark Killer

Hash Trash 1404

Spitz n Swallows and Camp Bed’s Farewell Hash

At Camp Bed’s camp ground, along Grants Road (ED. You missed the ‘ in Grant’s. SCRIBE: No I didn’t, go look at the sign yourself. ED. Can’t, someone stole it. PC: Bastards.)

Hares: Mancuff and Dominatrix

GM: Cockroach

Guest RA: Gary Glitter

Scribe: Pleasure Centre

This week’s hash was a rather melancholy affair as we bid farewell to two of our most stalwart Hashers: Spitz n Swallows and Camp Bed! They will be missed terribly, not least by our erstwhile trailmaster, who could always count on them to host when nary a place could be found.

Sniff!

Anyway, on to the proceedings:

The Run was short and fast and the Walk long and sweaty, according to Dumbass and Tomba.

Seeing how it is normally the other way ‘round, I assume this means that NWH, a costumed charity extravaganza at Wet Dream’s Den, will have a long fast run and a short sweaty walk, just to mix things up. By the way, if you DON’T wear fancy dress to NWH, there could be trouble!

It is Ball season in DSM… first there’s the Marine Corps Ball, on the 6th (tickets still available, $65 a pop, see Mancuff if you want one), then the DYC ball on the 13th (members only, ya schlubs), then the St. Andrew’s Ball on the 20th. Tickets for that one will sell like hotcakes, so have your finger hovering over the “send” button on Monday morning, 8am sharp, if you want to reserve one (or a table!). The same band as last year will be performing, as well as warming up on the 17th at the Irish pub (a Scottish band at an Irish bar!?! The horror!), and again on the 19th at a charity event at the Holiday Inn (see Shaggy Haggis for more details). The big question- will the piper get tied to the beer truck again during the Hash? – remains unanswered, but we can only hope it will be an affirmative.

Not really a ball, but certainly a shindig- come one, come all to the Wild Things sponsored Charity Halloween Party at the Little Theatre on Saturday, 30 October. Wear Fancy dress, you might win a prize, and bring lots of cash to bid on some schwag. Kiddies party is early, adults come out late. Tickets (for adults) are 30,000 in advance (at Novel Idea), or 35,000 at the door.

Now that we got all the Balls out of the way (insert testicular related joke here) we can get back to celebrating Spitz and Camp Bed’s 3 year run with the DH3 with some lovely personalized bright blue t-shirts. Start counting SS:CB downdowns now: 1:1

The Guest RA pranced into the ring and started right into the misdemeanours:

Yours truly for “wiggling” on the dance floor at the farewell party Saturday night (or was that early Sunday morning?), but as one can’t drink alone SS and CB were nominated to join for the obligatory downdown 2:2

Wounded Knee got called in for messing up our lovely T-shirts by pouring beer on them (ED: I thought that was “enhancing” them), and as he couldn’t drink alone, SS and CB were invited in to join him (ED: I think I see a trend here… PC: Ya think?) 3:3

Shark Killer got called in for damaging the Peninsula with her knees, but when falsely accused of wearing new shoes by Legless, she got her revenge when HE had to a horizontal downdown out of her most assuredly OLD shoe.

CB and Spitz got called back to deal with something about Coal miners… (?) 4:4

Virgins!!

Nice big group of newcomers to the Dar es Salaam Hash:

Tomba a Hasher from Kenya brought by Craig who is a bit old fashioned in the sack…

Johanna, from Sweden, brought by Johannes who likes to spoon…

Jacob, from Sweden, brought by Johanna, who demonstrated a lovely torpedo maneuver…

Hennessy, from Toronto, brought by Mohammed, who likes it doggy style (woof woof!)…

Mohammed (who snuck out early on his REAL virgin hash), from Tanzania, brought by someone (my notes got sloppy here) who shares his friend’s preference for howling..

And last, but Certainly not least! Bambo’s Bitch, a former GM from Kazakhstan AND Armenia, brought by Wounded Knee, and with a predilection for spelunking.

Next the leavers and returners:

SS and CB (duh) 5:5

Foxy Pussy, back from SA

Dominatrix wasn’t really gone, but had to come back to work…

One final misdemeanour (or is this hash heroism?) went to AC/DC for her mesmerizing running technique, among her downdown sharers were, you guessed it, SS and CB 6:6

Back to the GM, who got down to the serious business of naming, appropriately, CB’s cousin! Lots of different options were discussed, we had a lot to work with, what with all the childhood traumas as described by CB, but it was finally narrowed down to … (drum roll please…)

Porker Stalker!

CB shared a Downdown with his newly christened cousin. 6:7 – CB is in the lead now, for those of you keeping track

Another leaving gift (a beautiful giraffe tray) for SS and CB led to another downdown 7:8

As there were no fewer that three ex GMs (CB, Bambo’s Bitch, and Wounded Knee) in the circle it was clearly a call for whipping out the new triple… 7:9

A whole slew of the inappropriately dressed were properly chastised (they had NO excuse, not when shirts were for sale right there before the circle!!).

SS and CB, on their way to the land of dum, dum, dums brought some other dumdums into the ring to send them back to the home of the brave: Nuts for Love, Butt Woman, Mancuff and Wounded Knee. 8:10

Finally we ended with the Hashit… Bambo’s Bitch’s nomination of Wounded Knee for being a copying lookalike (wearing the same Armenian hash T-shirt) won out over a slew of others.

The Circle ended with the usual song, and hungry hashers descended upon a truly huge amount of food.

For those counting, the final score was Spitz with 8 downdowns, and Campbed edging her out with 10.

Farewell fine friends… we will miss you terribly, and look forward to seeing you here again in February on your way to Maputo (or perhaps before in DC!).

ONON