Venue: Gay Haggis and Tulip’s house, 1205 Slipway Road
Hares: Gay Haggis, Bag of Bones, Panty Pockets

Well you couldn’t miss the run venue with the amount of paper on the road outside, spelling out DHHH. The trade in shredded american secret papers is obviously booming.

Another good turnout with all the schools back, and a well kept surprise of a commerative T shirt for the Gay Haggis TTTT th, meant that the pack were keen to go. The hares had done a fine job with lots of checks, false trails and check backs. The beer stop really being half way around caused some consternation amongst the runners who swigged a quick beer. A few sank back into walking mode and the rest burped it round the remainder of the trail.

The GM started the circle with Gay Haggis and Tulip, to explain the T shirt (TTTTth = 4 T th = 40th) and toast the design, followed by those who had not donned their free T shirt.

The US contingent were next, for finding a boat small enough to fit into Dar harbour, and resulted in F’ing Nobody being surrounded by harriettes eager to meet the crew.

‘Hash Cash’ Park’n’Ride was asked if we are ready for the next MMC meeting yet (answer = not this week!) and the ‘Hash Ass’ NeanderShorty stood in for the Trailmaster to announce next weeks run from Salty Gonads (directions to be emailed).

Before moving on, the hares and the hares and the hares were thanked in suitable fashion, and no run reports needed.

The RA BothWays confounded all by being with us again, but the GM said she was in a foul mood and not to be trifled with (does this mean you would or would not get your just dessert??) The FRB Captain Skidmark had lived up to his name with brown stains all over his new shirt, and Squirrel joined him for an uncoordinated acrobatic display immediately before the beer stop. Both were administered down downs on their knees. But visitor James (Pussy Whipped) from Texas caught the brunt of the RA’s mood by talking loud Texan style, and was given some ice to incubate whilst the other three virgins and visitors were introduced and welcomed. Alex had been found after the run on one of the Gay Haggis beds and was called to account for his actions, before LaurA and DianA were put on their knees in the circle for consideration of suitable names.

Returnee Lord Whore Whore led a rendition of ‘We Are Hashing’ (at the second try) around the supplicants whilst the pack thunk. ‘Scrag Bag’, ‘We Love You’, ‘We Love You More’ and ‘Spank Me More’ were rejected
as inappropriate and L’A and D’A were sent away still unaddressable.

The eight returnees included Tiny Sausage, Knight Rider, Capt Skidmark, Nasty Pasty, CandyMan, and my beer soaked notes are useless, but they were all welcomed back in proper fashion, before the RA passed the circle back to Wet Dream.

CandyMan has done a lot of hashs but still turned up in new shoes and so the GM kindly gave him a cheesy shoe down down in recognition of his purchase. And as there are a pair of shoes, Kirsty got to enjoy the other one for NOT helping him buy them.

Last weeks Hash Shit (Bombastic) was absent without leave so the virtual hash shit stakes were on again. NeanderShorty was first up for not listening to the GM; and he nominated Squirrel for attempting to catapault himself into the beer truck at the beer stop; Nasty Pasty proposed LaurA and DianA for using NP’s flat as a rat breeding laboratory whilst NP was away; and Gay Haggis suggested Pussy Whipped for being a loud Texan. The ladies were found to have been the worst offenders and DianA and LaurA were acknowledged as joint Hash Shits.

The haggis having reached its perfectly cooked state, the GM led a brief version of Swing Low with virgins in the centre, before a rush for the food, washed down with another of those weird bottled beers that turned up in the beer coolers. And you should have tasted the rich and flavoursome chocolate and whisky balls for dessert - I did .. twice .. and only the general glutony of the rest of the pack prevented a third.

See you next week at Salty Gonads place, and don’t forget he’s an FRB so expect a good trail.

ON ON

Squire L
DarHHH

If you want to read it, some one who was there has to write it.

Fancy a chance at literary stardom - go ahead - post your memory here and make history.

If you want to read it, some one who was there has to write it.

Fancy a chance at literary stardom - go ahead - make history.

Partially deciphered SCRIBBLES

Monday 27 August 2007
Run: 1218
Venue: BothWays house, Regents Estate
Hares: BothWays and St Knick

If you missed the weekends Makadi Beach runs (1216 and 1217) then you might think this was run number 1216 - but no one would be so stupid, would I.

Having gathered and milled in the BothWays compound, we were offered silly little jelly cups filled woith silly red jelly. Long tongues were needed to extract the jelly and its alcoholic mixture - most hashers seemed to cope remarkably well.

Having set the tone for the run, BothWays explained that five beer stops were to be executed before the return. It was true, and the twenty two runners variously met with the walkers at locations around the area for some fine spirits, awful concoctions, and a cooling ale.

At the circle Fat Bastard suggested that ‘more a drink than a run’ was a good description of the event, and this was geherally endorsed. Ben explained the walk as puzzling and enthralling - what else can you say.

With the circle underway, Wet Dream had Fat Bastard on her back, for a horizontal downdown administered by Slimy Bastard generally up FBs nose. Don’t dis the GM.

Announcements started with next weeks run, to be hosted by Gay Haggis at plot 1205 on the road between the Slipway and the Yacht Club; continued with the Scottish dancing at the DYC beach banda on Wednesday; and completed with Park’n’Ride being reminded of the MMC meeting on Thurs 6 Sept.

Our regularly attendant Religious Adviser, Madam BothWays, took over the reins with a belated hashy birthday to St Knick - and a long winded story about how her dog ate the birthday cake, including a practical demonstration of dogs eating cake ... ?? From here things went odd shaped and Donald, Dickhead, Chimes, Tinker, and Seepha all got downdowns for some reason; follwed by Jeffrey as an FRB; Babu Golding and Slimy Bastard with two german tourists; St Knick, Salty Gonads, Late Cummer, and Frozen Scrotum for drinks stops; Rent Boy with DianA and LaurA for a perfectly obvious resaon which eludes me; Ben again as a true virgin with St Knick again as the hash expert at deflowering (is Ben a gardener - how did this link happen); and finally Ed-Jaculator and Swooping Tiger must have done something but only the RA knows what.

BothWays and Panty Pockets and St Knick and Park’n’Ride must be setting up a Harriettes choir as they chorused ‘Sister Belinda’ for the pack. Not wishing to sound rude, we will quickly move on with the rest.

Last Mondays Hash Shit was Dancing Lemon Turd, but he forgot the Hash Shit regalia when at the weekend Makadi runs, so retained the title into todays run, and then proceeded to leave the toilet seat in a taxi - talk about asking for an extension of tenure. As new nominees we had Ed-Jaculator for doing something with his wife; and Swooping Tiger for the same (not Ed’s, his); yet Ed-J stayed and the Tigger was acclaimed a hash hero and given an early down down. Mr Bombastic had been caught with his cell phone behind a tree during the circle; St Knick was offered up but deemed a heroine for running three drinks stops, so she quickly downed and out; then DLT and Ed-J both sneakily claimed to be ‘leaving on a jet plane’ before the next run. Leaving Mr Bombastic to win hands down down down down down.

Hash Hymn, on food.

ON ON

Squire L
Garbage fundi for DarHHH

SCRIBBLED DECIPHERINGS

Monday 20 August 2007
Run: 1215
Venue: Boogie Boobs and Wet Dream’s mansion
Hares: Boogie Boobs, Wet Dream and Boxer

Well here we are once more - the brief respite from my ponderings seems to have lifted the spirits of the hash in general, and a fine turn out of hounds made it to the GM’s house, with a few old faces turning up again - to add historical perspective?

The run must have had twenty or more on the paper trail, and the walkers were well represented on their short cuts, with lots of opportunity to swop between the two. A beer stop in the backroads even gave a suitable point for a short / long run split so the FRBs felt they’d worked up a sweat.

The pool was polluted by sweaty bodies as soon as the pack returned (not necessarily by choice - entry assistance was provided for some unwilling swimmers) and the GM started the circle with the wet ones, led by Salty Gonads. Ed-jaculate got in there with his Hash Shit gear, and Dancing Lemon Turd made his first circle appearance for more than two years, as a lookalike for F’ing Nobody when FN was to be introduced as the new ‘Hash Hash’ member on the MisManagement Committee - responsible for hash food.

Boogie Boobs advertised the Mikadi Beach runs (4pm Sat 25 / about 10am Sun 26) - should be a good turnout.

The GM announced the cancellation of the MMC meeting on Thursday due to his expected absence, but Hash Assistant Everything NeanderShorty stepped into the breach and the meeting is now on again at Valhalla, 7pm Thursday 23rd - all interested hashers welcome.

Trailmaster Boxer gave the good news - next weeks run will be hosted by BothWays from her den of iniquity at 113 Mgombani Street on Regents Estate.

And the hares, and the hares ..... were toasted with a quick sip (noticeably missing out the usual request for comments from the pack about the standard of the trail), before moving swiftly onto a lost item of apparel for which RentBoy was asked to select four hashers which it might suit. Well there is no semblance of taste when you think DLT may look good in a miniature black negligee with fluffy collar; Captain Skidmark was even worse; but St Knickerless definitely raised the standards; DianA had an advantage as the final candidate and she won the approval of the circle in general. Begging For It admitted to previous ownership but donated it to the Hash Shit wardrobe rather than demonstrate how well it fitted.

Our very own RA was in attendance (she said shes been coming whilst I was away, but ... ) and took the circle through a spot including some pseudo Nairoberians who jumped a lift on a passing bakkie and had no hash T shirts; some horses penis connections; and got DLT to entertain us with his very own Turds, turds, turds song, ably assisted by Dead Loss.
Returnees included Dancing Lemon Turd, Captain Skidmark, Scotty, St Knickerless, My Little Pony, ... enough already.
And we had four virgins to pick on ....
And we sang the Warm Safari song ....

And we moved on to the hash Shit Stakes. Ed-jackulate, having been forced back into the full regalia, was very keen to disrobe and offered up as a candidate : F’ing Nobody - for poor chicken impersonations; which led to DLT - as another septic tank; and Salty Gonads got in there for encouraging watery pursuits in the pool.

The GM led the voting with his normal aplomb and impartiality, so DLT never stood a chance but does look sweet in the new negligee and miniskirt combination, and the checkered tights did wonders for his vocal pitch.

DLT and the virgins led the circle in the hash hymn of praise, before descending upon the nosh and a couple more refreshments.

Next week could be a real treat, BothWays in her element, DLT in his regalia, don’t read about it - come and be a part of it all.

ON ON

Squire L
Scribe to the DarHHH

From a mystery scribe again.

August 13th 2007

Again the Naivasher Issue: the team appears to be only men and requires a more gender balanced unit. Calling on more women to show up the men….

Makadi Beach Hash Run on August 24-25th. There is limited space so book with Boogie Boobs promptly. There are Bandas to share & a spit roast. There will be run both Saturday & Sunday.

Thursdays Mismanagement Meeting on the 23rd again at boogie boobs & wet dream’s house; next week’s hash also at their house. Location – unknown (some where in Masaki)

Hares: the run was stimulating, great company (he must have been running alone) and fantastic. Sounds like, Sounds like….The walk has not been kind to the feet and is giving some poor sod blisters. Maybe time for new shoes??

Something about a goat losing a hat…

The GM distributed T-Shirts for 50 & 100 runs. There was partial nudity involved which produced such comments as lovely, gorgeous, beautiful & Sex Bomb!!

Naming ceremony has two victims:

Annette is now formally known as Horny Goat

Ed is now formally known as Ed-jaculate

Hash Shit goes to Ed-Jaculate….

On on

From a mystery scribe.

August 6th Hash #1214 (I Think)

Next Weeks Hash is with Tania and Mama Pear. As usual a mismanagement meeting will be held at Boogie Boobs and Wet Dreams house to do like talking and much drinking.

F*cking Nobody’s Map sucked and so was awarded a down-down! He has been advised to improve his technical capacity so the next time he doesn’t have to scribble a map by hand.

To participate in the Naivasher Hash Contact Boxer! It begins at 6am and will be held from October 5-7th. A totally of 9 runners will be needed. It is expected that in order to redeem ourselves from the disastrous Bagamoyo Hash, the Dar Has team will be returning with a trophy.

The Resident Advisor:

The lame and wounded, which included rent-boy, skid-mark, Virgin & Tulip, had a down-down. Some walkers were accused of actually running and have some how lost sight of the purpose of the Hash: It’s about drinking NOT running!!

One Virgin today named Marianne, which upset the RA to no end. And Tania’s little ones, who bravely held their own and gave the group the best down-down witnessed in a long time.

The DO-Re-Mi song was sadly attempted, no one knew the words and it sounded like shit. Next time, if you want to bring an new song into the circle bring the bloody words to distribute.

Hash Shit-

Virgin Marianne was selected be cause the RA does not like competition…
Rent-Boy – for something ridiculous
F*cking Nobody – for a crappy illegible map
Boxer – for being too chatty on his mobile
Dead-Loss – for being a returnee
Boogie-Boobs – For sending the Beer truck to get the t-shirts

Winner is: Boogie Boobs

From the pen of BothWays.

well there’s nothing like sweet justice eh Squirrel Nutkin, after weeks of being slated for my disappearance from the hash, as I tried to find my true spiritual self in a Buddhist monastery in the foothills of the Himalayas, I’m back! Bells on! T-Shirts off!

Madam Leaky Lucy and her squire, Neanershorty, the masterful Grand Master of the occasion were our eloquent hosts.

with thanks.

I have no idea how many runs that was, but it was rubbish anyway. Nobody could run for shit, it even made Mr Bombastic look good! and Who knows if the walkers went anywhere, they were hanging out when we left, and still there when we got back. Head Gasket’s sproggets claim the walkers ‘just left’, and had stopped by the beer stop, but that was pathetic, there was beer to spare when we came by, and not a tail of a hash t-shirt to be seen. The only salvage to this dismal hash, was our lucious blonde taking her clothes off and Begging for It. Good show!

The stand-in GM took advantage of the situation to give himself a 100 runs t-shirt, anyone got any idea as to the truth of that claim? My Little Pony got a 50 runs t-shirt, and Mr Bombastic got a kick up the arse for being a front running bastard. Well deserved.

Virgins are always good sporting targets. Don’t think they’ll be back, we treated them cruelly and proper like. There was a Calvin Klein couple, Peter and Amanda, who got a right good bollocking for being a couple, and for being without hash t-shirts but with t-shirts from Phuket - that’s too easy. I’m going to ignore that. But really, with the mismanagement mismanaging hasherdashery as they do, what are the poor bastards expected to do? There was a father and son team, not sure where Dad gets all his enthusiasm from, but am sending him over to the hares and tortoises, they’ll help sort him out...Glen and Clay...karibuni tena. And then there’s James. James is a CNN treadmill running enthusiast, and if he ever dares to return, we’ll give you a demo. It’s worth its weight in...

And whoever invited a Gay Haggis to the Dar Es Salaam hash is in for it. We eat them for breakfast in the Hebrides.

On On. See you at Chicken Shit’s next week. That is if you actually want to know what we’re talking about?

BW,

and ofcourse if you take your clothes off at the hash you can only expect to be Hash Shit, but then she’s Beggin for It

Monday 2 July 2007
Run: 1208
Venue: Classic Cafe, Oyster Bay Shopping Complex
Hares: Bombastic, Boxer, Beeper Tits

Your scribe of the last two weeks has decided enough is too much and taken herself on holiday, so the recording of hash history has once again fallen into the wrong hands. I begin to realise how easily history can be distorted by unscrupulous scribes - perhaps Ghengis Khan was really a pleasant stay at home family man ? Beware or you could become a fearsome legend to 30th century hashers.

A pleasant little run taking in a scenic stretch of beach, the odd back lane and some tarmac; a short run option for the feint hearted; and of course a walk for the those who like to ponder life’s mystery before they put each foot down - what more could you ask for to pass a Monday evening in fine company. Probably thirty-some hashers decided to escape the mundane, get out and do it.

The big advantage of the Classic Cafe venue is that the public can only be scandalised in small numbers when we pretend to be teenagers misbehaving in the heart of the Oyster Bay shops. So when Wet Dream called the hash to form a circle he felt free to immediately dispense down downs to Head Gasket, Mother Immoral and Park’n’Ride, before calling in the hares. Pinochio thought the run was nice and long, but had problems with pedestrians as he ‘HURTLED’ around the trail, whereas Nutcracker took her Mum for an impromptu beer stop after a few hundred yards of walking, and they only just got back in time for the circle. Down downs were administered but the down down chant was so appalling that the GM appointed DianA and Mother Immoral (possibly with Boogey Boobs and Nutcracker as helpers ?) to lead the singing for the evening.

Announcements - next MMC meeting Tuesday 10 July at Wet Dream/Boogey Boobs house; Pinochio’s bike from the Bagamoyo relay found by Head Gasket??; Nairobberians issue challenge to DarHHH for their Naivasha hash on 6/7 October (excuse for anyone with Kenyan connections to be down downed); next weeks run to be hosted by Pinochio from Karume Road (map to be emailed), with a swimming pool should you have any laundry to do, or just want to save fresh water in your own shower.

How many times have I written this .... in the absence of BothWays ... ....

HeadGasket stepped into the RA slot and revelled in the opportunity to call in Nutcracker’s Mum (not named Hazel) and describe her activities exactly fifty years ago, because Nutcracker admitted that it was her fiftieth birthday. He then moved on to late comers, mainly because Bum Titty turned up for a brief chat during the circle, but also casting his net over Wet Dream and Begging4it. Begging4it was immediately back in, with Boxer this time, for GM abuse, and Bombastic joined them for some smelly emission crime.

On to the more important aspects and the returnees were welcomed back - seven of them - including Eweshagger, Alililili...ya, Tiny Sausage, Beeper Tits and LateCummer. Three virgins were introduced - Fani from SA; Wayne from Zim; and Bernard also from Zim. Ursula (not named Hazel) was back in as a visitor .... and a round of ‘Warm Safari’ completed the RA’s work.

In the absence of Chicken Shit (last weeks HashShit), DianA proposed her to retain the title. Being a fair-minded and compassionate GM, Wet Dream considered this suggestion from all aspects, asked for other candidates but received none in the quarter second interval he allowed, and therefore agreed that ChickenShit should continue as HashShit. However in her absence he realised that we would need a stand in look alike for the evening - and he nominated DianA, who was initially reluctant to take up the garb - probably because she initially misunderstood the honour which had befallen her - but she did eventually don the toilet seat and high fashion mimi skirt whilst giving the sodden leggings a vigorous whirl over her head.

The proceedings finished in normal fashion with the virgins and HashShit in the circle for the hash hymn before we hit the food and another beer.

It’s such hard work attending the hash ???, but so rewarding to have done ?? There’s obviously a good reason to be there for a lot of people, and no good reason required for others, so why weren’t you ?

Think about it, if you came next week you wouldn’t have to read this rubbish again.

(And if you all came we could abolish the scribe and no one would have to write it !!)

ON ON

Squire L
Scribe to the DarHHH

Monday 25 June 2007
Run: 1207
Venue: Tulip and Jason’s House
Running Hares: Mr. Shit Hole
Walking hare: Tulip and Jason

This week’s scribbles are brought to you by Laura again who is filling in while Squirrel is visiting mummy. A large group of people turned up and it was an excellent time with Delicious Belgium/German beer along with the usual Safari and Kilimanjaro. The run was “bloody awful as there was no paper and it doubled back” said Jesus and the walk was “good but there was no beer” according to Mother Immoral. Mr. Shit Hole then asked, “How can it be good without beer?” Jesus and Head Gasket were in rare musical form throughout the entire time of the circle, often singing over the Religious Advisor.

Announcements:Mis-management meeting was last Thursday even though Boxer and Park-n-Ride didn’t make it. Reasons given for truancy were that Boxer was in the air and Park-n-Ride was pissed. It was decided however at the Mis-management meeting that the hash was missing a Beer Master and Wet Dream asked if there were any volunteers for the position. Mother Immoral was picked out for volunteering however she retorted saying, “I am not going to be F*&king Beer Master”. No matter as we voted her into the position anyway. There is no mis-management meeting this week as Park-n-Ride is getting married again. Next week’s hash is at the Osterbay Hotel hosted by Mr. Bombastic.

At this point, the hares, Mr. Shit Hole, Jason and Tulip, had a down down (Tulip with really nice beer from Belgium). - Chicken Shit had a down down because she was incessantly on the phone.- Head Gasket launched us into a nice verse and chorus of “Bum Titty” while Beg’n4it was enjoying two men paying attention to her assets.- Mother Immoral had a down down for being a slow learner and not being sure where her tits were or her bum. Beg’n4it and her assistants demonstrated for the slow learner.- Ed and Dominic had to pick someone to have sex with and (according to my notes) they picked salty gonads, gosh gosh gosh?

There are no rules on the hash but one rule is, don’t walk around on your cell phone. Chicken Shit was a violator of this rule and we all started chanting, “Chicken Shit, Hash Shit, Chicken Shit, Hash Shit...” Beg’4it put Chicken Shit’s cell phone in her pocket and it started to ring and Chicken Shit frantically attempted to get her phone back only to discover it was Nasty Pasty calling her to which she said, “You sod”. Chicken Shit was allowed to pick someone with whom she would want to have a social call and she picked Tootsie, who did not partake in a down down as she is a dog. Chicken Shit was unanimously selected as Hash Shit.
Next the Virgins were introduced. Angel was brought by Bum Titty and her favorite sexual position is doggie style. Domenic was brought by Bunny and his favorite sexual position was #22. Katie was brought by Roxanne and she likes to be on top.

It was then decided that it was time to give Jason a hash name. There were 5 suggestions:
- Sister Belinda
- Twiggy
- Horrendous Haggis
- Jock Strap (later amended to Jolly Jock Strap)
- Gay Haggis
And the name that was selected..... *** Gay Haggis ***

And so the circle broke and we all dove into rice with meat and veggie sauce.

On on