Monday 18 June 2007
Run: 1206 sequentially from squirel’s scribbles but 1145 from my notes
Venue: Mother Immoral’s house
Running Hares: Bunny
Walking hare: Beg’nforit and Mother Immoral

This week’s scribbles is brought to you by Laura who is filling in while Squirel is visiting mummy. Good number of people turned up despite this being the start of the season of vacations. This week’s run was “bloody long” but the walk was satisfying as “even tulips could do it”.

Announcments:
Mis-management meeting on Thursday at Wet Dream and Boogie Boobs house at 6 or 8 PM both were mentioned. Chickenshit enquired about any parties this week/weekend. And Shithold announced that Boogie Boobs wanted to know if there was anyone interested in a 4 man goat for the goat races. It was discuss that a good strategy for getting your goat to win was to fill it with beans but then this strategy was disregarded as it would just make the goat gassy and a firey farter. Nasty Pasty told Shithole, “Don’t chat the bloody goats up.” To which Pinocio said “Yee-Ha”.

At this point Jesus took over the duties of Religious Advisor from Shithole.
Returnees were:
- Diana
- Ann
- and others...

Next the Virgins were introduced. Addy was brought by “some blond chick” who turned out to be Chickenshit. Beg’n’forit brought Charles. And I forgot who brought Monica but she was from Arusha which launched us into a long rendition of Arusha-sha-sha Singing in the Rain. Saint Nick nominated someone (sorry, didn’t catch his name) as a hash hero because he hadn’t hashed in over 12 years but he still remembered the words to the song. And Tulip was also a hash hero for singing with such a remarkably loud and high pitch.

It was quite important for some reason or another to celebrate Steve for living in a block of flats...?...

We then turned our attention to Mother Immoral for picking up a man on the Hash despite, as it was pointed out, that there is no shagging on the hash. She gave some long convoluted story about shagging.

Next Hash is at Tulip and Late Commer’s house (just 5 houses up from Chickenshit’s house).

It was then decided that it was time to give Jackie, who has been on numerous hashes, a hash name. There were 4 suggestions:
- Dinner’s Ready
- Thong
- Short Boxer
- She’s 2 Young
And the name that was selected..... *** She’s 2 Young ***

Lastly, it was time to nominate a hash shit. Jesus was nominated for looking good in the trousers, Bunny for doubling back on the run as the hare and for taking Jesus off paper, Mother Immoral for being at the wrong place at the wrong time, and Beg’nforit for setting the hash. The winner of this run’s Hash Shit was Bunny!

And so the circle broke and we all dove into pasta dinner.

On on

Monday 11 June 2007
Run: 1205
Venue: Lora International Restaurant and Pub, Mikocheni
Running hares: Jesus and Patrick
Walking hare: Sifa

Didn’t we do well - a Mikocheni run and the pack set off on time with good numbers of walkers and runners. Mind you, we quickly lost a few runners when they realised that Jesus had set a run with only one check - every other junction had been laid with false trails and check backs, making for some long trips back to catch the pack again. The walkers were also set a proper trail with checks and all. Good one.

The GMs’ predeliction for wetness came to the fore as the circle inevitably formed up in the pool, much to the pleasure of the miniature Gaskets. All but mid winter and it wasn’t that warm in the water, despite Bum Titty suggesting that he had personally injected some warm water. Why are we so stupid - goosebumps and the odd shiver were the result as the cool evening air hit the bodies emerging from the depths.

‘Father Abraham’ was given a good bashing to get the blood flowing and hearts restarted before the simple announcements: MisManagement meeting on Thursday 21st evening, at the GMs’ house (anyone interested welcome); Trailmaster Boxer has arranged another outing for us next Monday - at Mother Immoral’s (Teresa to the outside world) house, to be hosted by BeggingForIt (anyone heard of a person called Elaine - no neither have I). Down downs for all involved, except that MI and BFI had already headed off to start setting up next weeks crowd control arrangements.

One of the many nice things about our RA is that she is predictable, and BothWays fascination with painting her toenails yet again kept her away. Mr Sh’ole had already given Wet Dream a note from his Mum, so Jesus did another guest appearance. Jesus will tell you that the problem with down downs in the pool is the natural ability of pool water to jump into down down mugs, and he had a problem with the miniature Gaskets aggravating this tendency. Along with the two virgins (Mike and Patrick), five returnees, departees, and the rest, Jesus had a firm hand on a mini Gasket at almost any time during the spectacle, but spillage and contamination were common. Head Gasket received the RAs’ comments with disdain, and Nasty Pasty’s threat of sense of humour failure was totally ignored, but a down down was administered anyway, and a round of ‘Warm Safari’ was led by the RA for the benefit of the uninitiated at some point in there. (My non-existent notes would have been soooo soooooggy - thats todays excuse for making up history without reference to truth or reality.)

Last weeks HashShit was Mother Immoral (who was standing in for BeggingForIt from the week before), and now they had both departed early, luckily leaving the lovely leggings for the next luckless lunner. Jesus’ call for nominations swiftly had Head Gasket swimming forward, at which point the GM took over and NeanderShorty proposed that the running hare should be considered due to the appalling nature of the run. Despite the death defying depths to which the dastardly duo of mini Gaskets plunged, democracy ‘a la hash’ dealt Jesus a devilish blow - mind you he didn’t look too dumpy in de mini skirt, and Nasty Pastys’ newly donated headgear sloganned “I love JESUS’ seemed to fit the bill perfectly.

A brief ‘Swing Low’ and welcome hot food was next on the agenda, topped of with a beer or two, but first Bum Titty caused a near catastrophic tsunami by entering the pool from a great height ... twice, to make his point.

Be there at Mother Immoral’s next week, and be aware that a mystery scribe may sneak up and note your wrong doings.

ON ON

Squire L
Scribe to the DarHHH

Monday 04 Juney 2007
Run: 1204
Venue: Dar yacht Club beach banda
Running Hares: Boxer and Wet Dream
Walking hare: Nasty Pasty

Last weeks scribbles opened with ‘The swift change of venue from Yacht Club to Tania’s house may have caught out one or two, but some lazier hashers obviously felt the weekends cobwebs were too thick to overcome ..... ‘.

Well read the same in reverse this week .... Jason’s house was changed to the Yacht Club .... the map that Frozen Assets gave the DYC last week for the changed venue was given out by the DYC security this week so some may have headed off to Tania’s again .... others were obviously overcome with slothfullness ... SNAFU (Situation Normal All Fu’‘ed Up).

Probably the smallest pack for a good few months gathered at the beach banda, set on exercising those drinking muscles - after a brief burst of energy wasting. Boxer had set a long and a short run so guess who of the two hares did the short run (and lost the trail after the second check point). The long run was an ambitious attempt to fit 8 kilometres of running on road, beach and cliff into a 5 kilometre time slot. The long run pack set off as 9 and returned as a bedraggled and sweaty two plus a hare. Jesus said he thought the long run was a ‘good run’ - who’s he kidding - even he short cutted from the cliff path in the dark - sensible man.

The circle was even less well attended, as people sloped off for various reasons, but ChickenShit and BumTitty put in belated appearances to keep the spirits up.

Wet Dream returned to the fold as GM. Announcements were merely a MisManagement Committee meeting some Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, next week or the week after (or the week after that if Park’n’Ride had her way) - normal decisive management to the fore. Trailmaster Boxer got in by the skin of his teeth yet again and was able to explain the receding hareline extended as far as next Monday, courtesy of Jesus and Seepha. The run will be in Mikocheni, from the Lora International Restaurant and Pub again, with the circle potentially in the swimming pool if the last run there is anything to go by, so bring a change of clothing. (Run 1187 in March was the previous run from here.)

The hares got off lightly with the short runners getting lost, the long runners returning way after dark, only the walkers trail being honestly used.

With our R.A. BothWays desperate desire to paint her toenails again ... she probably hadn’t done it since last Monday ... keeping her away from us, Jesus rose again, from the heights of Addis, for the occasion and stood in. One set of keys went without claimant from the valuables box, and two virgins admitting their status gave him the initial fodder to work with; followed by Vanessa’s IUD shaped water bottle, which Mother Immoral claimed was not hers .. but maybe BumTitty should check her out to be sure. DianA and NastyPasty were happily chatting away in the alternative circle until Jesus hauled them into the circle to suffer their fate; and ‘Hashy Birthday’ got an airing for a 20th. The 4 returnees were Wet Dream, Jesus, Seepha and Mother Immoral; and WE HAD NO HASH SHIT. BeggingForIt was said to be unavoidably detained (also painting toenails perhaps) so Mother Immoral was used as a stand in (despite doing a Judas to Jesus and saying that St Knickerless is BFIs best friend, not me). In an unusual splurge of chivalry (as noted by the GM) the RA not only drank with Mother Immoral, but also drank her down down - thirsty work this RAing obviously. A quick partial rendition of Sir Jasper in honour of MI and the GM called for a democratic vote. In view of the single candidate even we got the idea and MI, the virgins, the RA and the GM led Swing Low before heading off to the chow.

Not many partakers makes for lots of food, which requires lots of liquid to wash it down, especially if it’s a curry (guess what the food was) so a small number of beers may have been taken for medicinal reasons. It was a while before the banda was restored to its normal tranquillity.

Be rash and head out of the office early next week. See you at Mikocheni (Lora Int. Rest. and Pub) for a Jesus run (he always does a good job).

ON ON

Squire L
Scribe to the DarHHH

Monday 28 May 2007
Run: 1203
Venue: Tania’s house
Live Hares: NeanderShorty and Head Gasket
Walking hares: Tania and Nasty Pasty

The swift change of venue from Yacht Club to Tania’s house may have caught out one or two, but some lazier hashers obviously felt the weekends cobwebs were too thick to overcome, and a smallish pack gathered on the roof of Tania’s house - only to find we had no trail.

The timely arrival of NeanderShorty (that well known FRB and live hare extrordinaire) at the top of the stairs, pointed to the obvious answer, saving Frozen Assets and Tania from being mauled by the pack. Head Gasket (who also needs brain surgery) volunteered to help NS and the pair set off with bags of paper and a few minutes grace. The trail they set was remarkably good, leaving the hounds sniffing and confused at a number of junctions, but stretching enough to cause a couple of shortcuts home. The walkers apparently went awandering in a gentle amble around the area, returning to the on in some time after the runners.

With Wet Dream sending a verbal sick note via Boogie Boobs, we were short a GM. However, your MisManagement Committee have foreseen such emergencies and planned for dire eventualities by appointing a Hash Ass (assistant everything) .... and this is .... NeanderShorty (I think we met him earlier in another role didn’t we) who manfully took over the mantle. The opportunity was too good and .. surprise surprise .. Tania and Frozen Assets were immediately in the circle for down downs for the lack of trail.

Bum Titty was next. He was to be team captain for the Bum Vikings in the Bagamoyo Relay, but didn’t front up, leaving (you guessed it) the Viking NeanderShorty to run the Bums as well ... down down.
Lesson : don’t get on the wrong side of NS.

The hares received great plaudits from the GM (wonder why) and were rewarded with a Safari infusion, despite Boxer saying the run was ‘awful’, and ParknRide complaining the walk was ‘bloody long’.

Next weeks run will be hosted by Jason and Tulip at their house on the dirt road between the Yacht Club and the Slipway (number 1205) and there was mention of Belgian beer but sadly no haggis.

The GMass also spotted some beer abuse; spitters and throwers Head Gasket, Tania and Chicken Shit being called in as an example to all. ParknRide had complained of being friendless and was offered an opportunity to pick three people to have babies with. The fact that she selected Boogie Boobs, Frozen Assets and Nasty Pasty says little for the male component of the circle.

At this point our RA generally takes over, but RA BothWays had to wash her hair and manicure her toenails yet again, RA ‘for the power of 2’ MrSh’ole has temporarily escaped the country, Prawn has wandered off on a jaunt at sea ... but our need was great and we were likely to descend into depravity without good religious advice from a firm experienced hand.
Did I mention earlier that Head Gasket needs brain surgery ? So he was the perfect choice and stood in with gusto and hernia to the fore, firstly giving away various unwanted phones and car keys from the valuables box, then moving on to no less than nine returnees. The newcomers (Aliya, Gordon, Theodore, Mark, Wendy, Simon, and Jamal) were welcomed, and BeggingForIt also made it into the circle for coming late, in high heels and designer dress. A round of ‘Warm Safari’ was followed by the full appropriate song and then a brief spot from Jamal as visiting RA from Kigali Hash.

Last weeks Hash Shit was DianA, who completed this run in spritely fashion - even twirling the sacred seat at the end of her outstretched arm whilst running - but she was seen by Tiny Sausage to have offloaded the seat to Ed, who was nominated for helping her. Chicken Shit renominated DianA because the mini skirt would look better on her; BeggingForIt was proposed for being improperly dressed; and Boxer was suggested because he had spent the last 20 minutes annoying everyone by looking for his car keys.
Democracy may have its day, but I think it was more to do with long legs in miniskirts, and BeggingForIt took the honours as the RA handed the circle back to the GMass.

Frozen Assets was especially called front and centre to explain why she is leaving us, this being her final hash in Dar; followed by half the pack for not wearing recognised hash T shirts (whats that word NS - equitette ?) and ‘Singing in the Rain’ was rounded off with the hash hymn before BeggingForIt led the way to a table laden with splendid tasty food sponsored by Tania for Frozen Assets departure.

Everyone seemed to return at least once for seconds, and desserts were stuffed into the final corners, yet there was still some uneaten, and even the alcohol consumption seemed to fall off as bellies bulged until eventually the replete pack dispersed.

So, you see, you missed another good one and will never be able to recoup the loss. Front up next week for Jason and Tulips run ... or simply suffer in Safariless silence on the sidelines ... your choice.

ON ON

Squire L
Scribe to the DarHHH

Monday 21 May 2007
Run: 1202
Venue: Mother Immoral’s abode
Hares: Boxer, Tiny Sausage, and Mother Immoral

HASH ADVERT, BECAUSE YOUR HASH NEEDS .... YOU

You may have noticed Trailmaster Boxer’s name appearing frequently in the hares list at the top of these epistles. This is not because he pays me, or because he is The Trailmaster, this is because he is actually setting runs on behalf of slothfull hashers with nothing better to do with their lives than work and spend time with their family. The receding hareline needs both hosts and hares. Help out Boxer - come forward and be recognised as a hash hero(ine) - lay a trail to lead a pack of ungrateful morons around in a wonky circle and then let them drink and eat food at your house or favorite bar/ restaurant - what more meaningful method could there be to contribute to life’s great mosaic.

So, the real run after.

If you missed the relay and afterrun this may come as a shock, but a third run in three days (actually fourth, fifth or even sixth for some of the FRBs) was not a pleasing thought to some pathetic wimps. But we overcame and we fronted up and we ran/walked as was our want. And, being Boxer, the trail was good, with few mud lakes or rutted hills to hold back the pack - joy, oh joy, never a swamp or river bed to be seen.

Announcements were kept brief by the GM, after he persuaded the jaded pack to get off their backsides and circle up.
- The Bagomoyo losers were graciously offered a compensatory down down by the Wet Dream team;
- MrS further expounded upon the Zanzibar hash, which now has a limited number of places available so get in quick and email Boogie Boobs to book;
-the next run will be at the DYC beach banda or somewhere near there?? hosted by Frozen Assets and Tanya;
-Pinochio lost a pink bike over the weekend and will pay the finders 2008 Bagomoyo Relay fees as a reward for info leading to its recovery.

BothWays turned up after the run and took over as RA (in civies and not a drop of sweat or mud to be seen - ‘I ask you, whats this hash coming too’ quote from MrS). The hares were rewarded for their efforts in setting two runs and a walk to accommodate all degrees of broken spirit and tired muscles. The reigning hash shit and an innocent virgin were paired up in the circle becuase BothWays thought he was sexless on the run and needed help, and she was a virgin - nuff said. Frozen Assets was called upon to explain the down down system to the hapless virgin, who introduced herself as Roxanne and was brought along by Wet Dream.
BothWays also got carried away with school personnel who may or may not be hashers named Jasper - leading to a rendering of ‘She’s a most Immoral Lady’ for Mother Immoral’s benefit.

The GM took back the circle and immediately recalled BothWays and also Sushi, who both arrived late and were inappropriately dressed in ‘not the hash’ gear ... down down down.

HashShit from the previous Monday run was given the privilege of not being de-throned over the weekend. Much too much opportunity for our famed regalia and his status position to be exported never to be seen again. Who WAS HashShit you may well ask. Well the harriettes all remembered the ‘swooping tiger’ as a sexual position - the token male in last weeks nominations, whose claim to virginity was openly questioned by not a few of the lustful ladies.

The reigning hash shit announced his imminent departure for southern countries (much to the chagrin of many harriettes) and nominations for a replacement were sought. Only Diana (with an A please) found favour with the pack (for Alcohol Abuse - with A’s) and she was duly accepted as the new incumbent hash shit.

Swing Low and on on food completed the proceedings.

Don’t miss the Yacht Club run next Monday - just get off your beach bed and join the pack.

ON ON

Squire L
Scribe to the DarHHH

Sunday 20 May 2007
Run: 1201
Venue: Bagomoyo Beach Resort
Hares: Wet Dream, Boxer

If you survived yesterdays relay and the ON IN afterwards, you definitely needed a fine healthy run to start the day and bring you back from the dead.

Khight Support, who very kindly assisted the Bagomoyo relay, also sponsored an event T shirt to commerorate the weekend’s runs, and the pack set off resplendent in their new finery.

A scenic and history laden route was somewhat eclipsed by the peculiar lack of energy shown by most of the rather lacklustre pack. Typically, the Nairobbers led the pack and found trail, leaving other less ardent ‘runners’ to saunter along to the beer stop in the heart of Bagomoyo. A simple trot along the beach, hurdling anchor ropes as you went, (or limbo dancing under in some cases) then led us back to the circle.

When everyone did eventually return after their ‘morning stroll’, the circle planning had moved from banda to pool and back to the banda - decision making is sooo hard sometimes.

Wet Dream was somewhat hoarse and gratefully turned the circle over to the visiting GMs from Mombasa and Nairobi, with the traditional exchange of t shirts taking place. Quickly catching on to a good move, RA Bothways also passed part of her spot over to visiting RAs and so we were much entertained by a wide variety of songs and chants.

Incredibly the beer and wine held out against all the odds and no one needed to go dry before they chose, which was a fair time later as far as I could tell.

Thanks to Knight Support for a great T shirt and everyone who travelled to, or helped organise, a fantastic weekend.

Lets do it again next year.

ON ON

Squire L
Scribe to the Dar HHH

BAGOMOYO RELAY 2007

Saturday 19 May 2007
Run number: 1200
To blame for the route : Wet Dream, Boxer, Mr Shit’le, Benoir and the motorcycle club .. and more.

Too much drivel - too long they say, but how can you write meaningful and enlightening prose about 150 people bushbashing from Dar to Bagomoyo without running ...... (haha) ... into two pages. I’m trying, honest - I realise some of you have to pretend productive activity.

An amazing feat of organisation (thanks to the GM letting Boogie Boobs and Park’n’Ride do most of the work, which means it did work) led to a 6.30am gathering of the mentally challenged from as far afield as Nairobi and Mombasa, to be issued with their Vodacom sponsored individual team T shirts. {A quick aside that the GM DID front up this year, which was generally thought to be good news; he having used the medivac option last year.}

The first casualty of many minor mishaps was Frozen Assets unscheduled dismounting from her bicycle only five metres from the start of the very first leg. Hey ho and of to Bagamoyo we go. Many more followed her example as the day progressed. Seventy two point one kilometres, in two bicycling stages, two walking stages and no less than fifteen running stages took the seven teams who eventually made it to the start line to the crocodile farm outside Bagomoyo in aggregate times which varied from less than five and a half hours to just less than seven. Great dollops of mud (long lengths of trail undulating through lakes of the stuff), sandy tracks, steep river banks, swamps, rain rutted hills to ascend, groves of shady trees, the occassional open dirt road, slack mouthed villagers, boorwurst rolls for lunch, more large baobabs, more mud holes, hot sun ....... it was a continuous assault on the muscles and senses. Even the hardy 4wd vehicles had fun, imagine the joys of traversing this with a dalla dalla - yes a dalla dalla full of Gappers was variously driven, floated and dragged along the route. This did slow proceedings down significantly and led to over thirteen hours as a total time on the route from Dar to Bagomoyo, and a curtailed visit to the crocs.

The Knight Support outriders and ‘Benoirs bikers’ roared up and down the trails the whole day, having a great time puddle jumping and trying to keep the runners on track at obscure junctions, or sedately leading the vehicle convoy to the next stage end, combined with finding alternate routes for the less daring drivers or those who valued the springs in their cars. Benoirs bikers had also done an advance recce of a lot of the route, so it was partly their doing that the only tar road we saw was on the two early bicycling legs, the lunch stop, and the penultimate leg which was a walk, so no one had to run on hot tar. Challenging stuff - Dar to Bagomoyo off road with a Safari can, a Coke truck and a Knight Support ambulance in attendance on all but the most extreme sections.

Despite the sweat, and sun, and tribulations, and hiccups, everyone arrived in good sprits at Bagomoyo to circle and find their accommodation. BB and PnR bravely took on the hoteliers (who had given away some of our pre-booked rooms even ignoring a final phone confirmation by BB during the lunch stop) and revamped the arrangements so that everyone had a bed should they wish to stop drinking before the next run at 10 o’clock on Sunday. Beer, wine and a few sodas were flowing and a grand spread was put out for the replenishment of stomachs, before the music and dancing started and went ‘til late (so I’m told - a soft bed looked so good - talk about bushed mate - knackered is the word).

By the way, Late Cummers team of ‘officials’ took copious and accurate notes of times for each and every stage, for each and every team, but it was an event to have done, not an event to simply win - so you won’t be interested in the final results will you.

Reeeeaaaallly, you DO want to know, oh just for the sake of completeness - I see.

Well I snaffled a scrap of paper on which I found some calculations and can tell you that the UNofficial total aggregate times are thought to be :

Pinochios Harem Scarums 417 minutes
Gappers 391 minutes
IST 359 minutes
Bum Vikings 354 minutes
Hare and Tortoise 330 minutes
Wet Dream Team 328 minutes
Nairobi Hash 325 minutes

Hey, I’m just the reporter, maybe someone else biked/walked/ran very slowly.

YES, LOOK AT HOW CLOSE IT ALL WAS - IF YOU’D JUST RUN A BIT HARDER ....
OR IF THERE HAVE BEEN A SLIP UP IN THE TIMING .......

I reckon the pink ladies should get the plaudits for obviously enjoying themselves the most; the Gappers spent so much energy pushing the dalla dalla its amazing they had any runners left; IST were looking at it as an intellectual problem; NeanderShorty’s Bum Vikings were totally hamstrung by Bum Titty’s athletic absence; and WonderBra’s Hare and Tortoise, Wet Dream’s team, and Topi’s Nairobberians, equally obviously took it all much too seriously with only five minutes between them.

Well done to all, and thanks to Vodacom, Knight Support, TBL and Coke for the great back up.

There, that wasn’t too bad was it, now you can go back to ....

ON ON

Squire L

{This is a psuedonym to disguise my identity, so that I can challenge the GM’s authority (why are you laughing) when necessary, without fear or favour.}

Scribe to the Dar HHH

Monday 14 May 2007
Run: 1199
Venue: Knight Riders abode, Mikocheni
Hares: Knight Rider, Boxer and Frozen Assets

It gets harder and harder writing this rubbish .... drivel about idiots running to feel they deserve a beer ... what can you say.

Mikocheni traffic had it’s usual effect and the run set off later than usual, and what with the loooong trail set by the ruuuunnnnning hares, there were quite a few short cutters before the hardy few made it back to the on in in darkness to drip sweat and imbibe liquid refreshment in bulk. The conditions reminded Mr Sh’ole of falling down a manhole and being named on a previous Mikocheni run in the dark.

Bombastic toasted the hares as Knight runners!!

Wet Dream set off the circle proper with Park’n’Ride and Boogie Boobs giving a Bagomoyo update - 8 teams including one from Nairobi and one from Arusha, the route is off tarmac after Dar and has 18 stages - about 150 participants will make this the biggest ever. BagSub to meet again on Wed at 6pm at GMs house.

Mr S and Nasty Pasty have refined the Zanzibar run on 9 and 10 June. Costs are coming down as numbers increase (8 definites signed up so far) and discounts are being given.

Trailmaster Boxer gave lessons in the down down words for the less voluble of the circle, before announcing next Mondays run at Mother Immoral’s house on the peninsula.

The GM noted some serious misdemeanours during the run: Boogie Boobs was seen encouraging Nasty Pasty to buy clothing from a convenient duka; and Park’n’Ride was seen to purchase a phone card. They claimed retail therapy works well, but enjoyed a down down anyway.

Yet again our missing RA was substituted at zero notice by the gallant MrS, and he drew the theme out by calling in Tiny Sausage for saving the running pack from a terrible fate as the horrible Knight Rider enticed hapless runners further into the darkened corners of Mikocheni to discover previously unknown holes and pits and puddles. T.S. bravely scorned the danger and led the short cutters home safely in the failing light, leaving the idiot few to persevere. It later transpired that Bum Titty followed the GM and was therefore ‘saved’ even sooner - not that Wet Dream would ever short cut.

The single virgin caused excitement amongst the harriettes as Julian from Malaysia claimed his favourite sexual position to be the ‘swooping tiger’. PnR wanted an immediate demonstration but was restrained by MrS (who personally was confused by a further variation on missionary and doggie style). No visitors made it to the depths of Mikocheni, and only a couple of boring ‘departees’ who would not make the Bagomoyo run.

So, on to the HashShit stakes. Frozen Assets had womanfully conducted her position as alternate hash shit, but forgot the toilet seat and so was nominated again by MrS; Tanya was accused of sexual harrassment (but of who I don’t know); Nasty Pasty of encouraging other hashers to shop on the run; the complete Pinochio’s angels harum scarums (presumably because only one of them where there); Knight Rider for being a bastard hare: and then Julian ‘Swooping Tiger’ to be the token male at the harriettes request (what does this make Knight Rider ??). The RA lost control at this point and the harriettes sang the down down for themselves and left Julian to don the mini skirt and fashion tights, which he did with great aplomb.

Wet Dream took over to complete the formalities with the hash hymn and on on food, before settling in for a quiet little drink.

See you at 6.30 am !!!!! at St Peters / Little Theatre on Saturday 19th for the Bagomoyo run start. I’ve seen some of the trail and it will be FUN.

ON ON

Squire L
Scribe to the Hash

Monday 7 May 2007
Run: 1198
Venue: Holiday Inn Hotel garden
Hosts and hares: Beeper Tits and Head Gasket

Well here we go again. Are you sure you want to read rubbish about people with no life doing stupid things for no good reason ? OK if you insist, all your own fault.

For the uninitiated the first test was to find the pack milling about on the back lawn of the hotel. Some askance looks were noted from affluent punters as lost hashers drifted nonchalantly (how the hell do you spell that) through the public rooms. The sweaty drunken return was avoided by most either finding the back door or the route through the undergrowth to the rear car park.

Head Gasket had laid a paper and chalk arrow trail with assistance from the miniature Gaskets, which led the runners on a nice clover leaf around the golf course, before setting us into town for a beer stop in the salubrious fish market. The SECOND beer stop (is he running for president?) was set up back along Ocean Road and became a de facto end to the run, whilst the runnnnners waited for the walkers to filter along. It was too dark to run in anyway, and thats my excuse, so what was yours?

Manicured lawns, linen table cloths (even for Late Cummers down down dispensary) and security staff checking none of those nasty wealthy punters stole OUR food. Good set up - simply what we deserve and should be used to by now.

Announcements were mercifully brief - ‘lost’ valuables from Hash Cash Park’n’Rides registration table were offered for redemption or sale; if you haven’t entered your Bagamoyo relay team by now then start training for next year, or better yet, join one of the other teams for this year - I believe the odd spot may still be available !!; the BagRelay sub committee will meet on Thurs 10 May at Boogie Boobs house (6pm). Enough.

Much more interesting - Mr Shithol’ and Nasty Pasty have bravely reconnoitred the rubber plantations of Zanzibar and propose to set a trail on the weekend of 9th and 10th June. Cost per head will be about Tsh220,000 inclusive of flights, transfers, full board, and two runs - gasp. But initial interest from the circle seemed positive, so they will refine the details and further info to be forthcoming at a later run.

And the hares, and the hares..... Head Gasket and Beeper Tits were invited to partake of a well deserved libation in recognition of their grand efforts. CandyMan was called upon to precis the run, as he has the benefit of about ten years experience hashing in Dar. ‘Five kilometres my arse’ was the eloquent and thought provoking result. Frozen Assets fronts up at the circle so infrequently that she was totally and most uncharacteristically lost for words when called upon to describe the walks intricasies.

TrailMaster Boxer has kept his receding hareline in place and cajoled Knight Rider into hosting the next Monday run at his abode in Mikocheni.

GM Wet Dream decided we needed entertainment by this time and called upon South African gentlemen to step forward (to calls of ‘oxymoronic’ and ‘no such thing’). He then asked for explanation of why robbers in SA had stripped a bicyclist naked and superglued him to his bike seat. Many comments were made but no satisfactory answer was heard and therefore down downs administered.

RA for the evening (and many past in the absence of Bothways.. again) was our very own Mr S. Straight into the guts of the matter and the narrow but true path to hashing heaven, he expounded upon the rules : No 1 = no rules; No 2 = ignore rule no.1; No 3 = no sex; No 4 = no poofters; or some such drivel. Inevitably there is one, and this week it was Pinochio - he wanted sex allowed - or was it poofters - no it was sex, because Chicken Shit got involved. A good ruse to get the circle animated (bestiality’s allowed isn’t it).
In a cunning advert for the sale of his household goods, MrS mentioned that he and Nasty Pasty were selling their household goods .... at the Little Theatre table sale on Sunday, when along came Park’n’Ride in need of a knickknack to entice certain people to stay for breakfast. A menage a trois, and open tender on Ebay for Parky’s Zanzibar run nights, were skilfully worked into the patter by MrS, despite some confusion in the ranks. There was also more information than strictly necessary on the linkage between offspring and Zanzibar runs, but you can’t expect to hear all the secrets if you don’t front up at the circle

Three virgins were introduced very politely by the RA, ‘welcomed’ for a down down by Bombastic, and Warm Safari was sung for them in explanation of the down down ritual. (NB CandyMan was heard to comment that the Safari has improved over the years and is even possibly palatable now).

Four visitors : Captains Cabin and Captain Skidmark from Dubai; Bunny from Kent; and Boxers most gracious ‘Princess’ from New York, were also welcomed to the circle, before two sets of new boots were filled for the owners drinking pleasure.

The penultimate spotlight fell on Pinochio as the reigning Hash Shit, but he apparently wished to be dethroned and was quick to nominate Henrik for allegedly sorely injuring a comely young lady. Park’n’Ride counterproposed the two hares for failure to complete the run before darkness fell. Democracy was shown to be alive and well and ‘Henrik the virgin abuser’ won the right to be first at the food, but in a fast talking deal he somehow sold the option to Frozen Assets who proceeded to the fodder in toilet seat with spandex tights as a fashionable neckscarf ?? (Did I hear a ‘What no PVC miniskirt’). Will either of them actually turn up next week ?? And what about the skirt??

The aroma of hot food permeated the garden as the GM led the hash hymn with virgins and visitors front and centre.

On On food, and didn’t the Holiday Inn do a great spread - multiple salads, roast potatoes, savory rice, fish bitings, kebabs of succulent soft beef, boorworst in bbq sauce, plus more pickles and condiments than you could use, and more came out as the first hopper loads disappeared. I couldn’t believe that was a menu within our budget, and am reliably informed that it was not - so big thanks to the Holiday Inn for the sponsorship from many happy hasher stomachs.

Don’t miss out next week when Knight Rider will undoubtedly maintain his reputation as a front running bastard and set a trail to test the rest. Luckily the GM is a renowned short cutter in the Mikocheni area so you can simply stay with the GM if you feel less energetic, therefore no excuses accepted - be there.

ON ON

Squire L
Scribe to THE HASH

Monday 30 April 2007
Run: 1197
Venue: Dar Yacht Club beach banda
Host: Old Mother Reilly and Prawn
Hares: Neander Shorty and Alililililililya

What a great venue the beach banda is - shame it’s in the Yacht Club or we could use it more often. (The YC ‘powers that be’ have decreed that we cannot provide our own drinks, even though we buy all the food.) The bottled beer and soda costs are actually not too bad, but wine is a killer.

A good pack gathered to celebrate the departure of the good ship Amarula and all who sail in Her. Preparations for anchor weighing apparently left little time for trail laying, so NeanderShorty bravely stepped in and ran as a live hare, which was a novelty for the packs. Amazingly good cooperation between NS and Alilil...ya meant that the walkers and runners actually joined up at three points, allowing some swopping of exercise levels - the running pack definitely dwindled as it progressed.

A beer stop was promised and delivered. Dar HHH held the first ever garden party at the new house of a very prominent ex politician (courtesy of the GM who was not slow to see the promotional possibilities of showing off his business product to such a wealthy, discerning and influential group as the DHHH pack - you never know when we might place an order for such a house for ourselves).

Some wading along the coast or some track running (and apparently even two swimmers) - depending on your chosen route - led the hounds back to the DYC and the on in.

A shopping frenzy developed briefly at the hash haberdashery, slightly delaying the circle, but Wet Dream eventually got our attention and proceedings started with the ANNOUNCEMENTS :

- Bagamoyo team registration must be completed by next Monday 7 May or else !
- Mismanagement subcommmittee for the Bagamoyo Run will meet on Wed 2 May at GM’s house, 6pm
- World Food programme walk
- NEXT WEEKS RUN will be hosted by Beeper Tits at the Holiday Inn, assisted by Head Gasket.

And the hares, and the hares .... got remarkably little attention considering the great job. Candy Man thought the walk was too long and too dark ??; whereas Chicken Shit apparently saw the runners three times and thought the run was way too long. Hey ho - talk about hard to please, well done the hares.

Our full time RA BothWays (in one of her rare appearances) strutted her stuff in a crop top and the hash shit PVC miniskirt, with a whip of her kanga to get the attention. It was noted by some that none of the attire bore the required hash insignia - but she maintained that it appeared on her underwear. Despite a polite request from the circle to prove it, we were left to assume our RA would not lie to us ??

‘Father Abraham’ stirred the lethargic troops into action, with a fine operatic voice unexpectedly issueing from Mr S’thole when he was called in to assist for the power of two. He is known to be attending a Bolshoi ballet evening with Nasty Pasty very soon - perhaps they’re striving to introduce a cultured image to the DarHHH - some chance mate.

Having refused to show us her hash pants, the RA then took to task hounds without hash t-shirts, followed by the departing ex RA’s (Prawn and RoomService) dispensing down downs to a mixed bag of returnees and departees who were on their knees and bent over backwards. A small amount of spillage may have occurred.

Six hash virgins were given to Prawn to deal with, as a special treat for him, before the full departing Amarula crew (Prawn, OldMotherReilly, SeamanStains and RoomService) were blessed with warm Safari by the circle. ‘We are sailing’ a la BothWays, finished her spot, with some pretty remarkable ad libbing as she made up appropriate words for the occassion.

The GM called attention to Prawn again (one last time, apart from next week when they will probably all be back temporarily to do it again) as he will reach the grand old age of sixty, fifty nine, fifty eight .. take your pick - before the next run. All the oldies joined him for a thanksgiving down down.

Last two weeks HASH SHIT was MrS, and he not only hadn’t discarded the regalia after the previous weeks lesson, but truely ran with the gear in place, and generally was a well behaved shit. However he needed new nominations to take over the mantle, and so he was quick to propose Pinochio for his invitation to a raging rave up party last week, which never happened; NeanderShorty was suggested, as he has piked out of his stand in role as beermaster for the past two weeks; Tanya potentially was to suffer for using a phone and having sex on the hash, but was eliminated with a warning down down due to her virginal status; and F’ing Nobody was nominated for being so noisy and never shutting up.
With the usual aplomb the three became two when FN gathered only a meager cheer, leaving true democracy to decide between a false party promiser or an underachieving assistant beermaster. Congrats to Pinochio.

Swing Low, with virgins, and demonstrated by Chicken Shit, completed the formalities before Pinochio unfortunately had to wait to lead the pack to the trough. But the food was tasty, good and plentiful when it did reach us, even allowing for the unexpectedly large numbers.

The Holiday Inn have a reputation for good food which they will want to maintain, so don’t miss the run next week. See you there.

ON ON

Squire L
Scribe to THE HASH