Hash # 1401
GM: Cockroach
RA: Candy Man
Scribe: Pleasure Centre
Hares: Horni Goat, Flatulence, Wet Dream

At the tenth minute of the tenth hour of the tenth day of the tenth month of the tenth year of the 2nd millennium the intrepid harriers, harriettes and pups of the Dar es Salaam Hash House Harriers headed out on our fourteen hundred and first run.

Hats, sunglasses and smears of suncream were not just a recommendation but a necessity as the sun baked our intrepid runners and walkers and we were all thrilled to find the beer stop in the shade of a semi abandoned vacation home (it could be yours for the bargain price of $500,000 USD*).

• Title deed not included

No one was lost (this time) as the walkers meandered down the cliff and explored the tidal flats. The runners caught them up and capered ahead into the sea. Father Abraham took a splashy turn when sung in knee deep water on shifting sands. Flatulence complained that it was the most work he’d done since he went to Arusha which resulted in an impromptu wet t-shirt competition. Pleasure Pooch tried to rescue yours truly who she thought was drowning, what with all the splashing.

Finally we dripped our way up to the circle – thoughtfully set up in the shade by Candy Blower. The solemn ceremony of the circle commenced with the usual comments on the quality of the run (“good, but Flatulence is a lying bastard and paper hater,” said Cat in the Hat) and walk (“We didn’t lose anyone” said Wanderlust)

The 1402 run will be hosted by Hash Dance and Wanderlust at the Dance Floor. She promised Valet parking outside. Easy Let cannot be disconnected from her CrackBerry which means we were able to find out that auditions for this year’s Pantomime, the Wizard of Oz, will be on the 15th at 17:30 at the Little Theatre.

The GM celebrated other hashers who’ve been to big number hashes (Dar 1000, Addis 1400, Lusaka 1500) and gave special thanks to the hosts and Wild Things and a reminder to clean up before turning the circle over to the RA.

The RA got right down to business with infractions:

There were a whole hoard of hat wearers, a squatter, sock and shoe cleaners, trippers, and the inappropriately dressed, but special mention went to Boogie Boobs, Candy Blower, and Panty Pockets (Squirrel stood in as a fetching look-alike) for stripping off their undergarments during the debauchery the night before. We have finally learned why Candy Blower named her son: “Knicker-less” (we were all wondering).

Speaking of said Debauchery, it was cut short (or at least moved away from the tents) when Twitcher told Easy Let, Fat Bitch, Candy Blower, Legless, Cat-in-the-hat, Candy Man and Wet dream to shove off… the RA awarded them a down down in consolation. Spitz had provided some real knock-down punch, which was greatly enjoyed by all, especially Legless. When they finally stumbled off to bed, Fat Bitch literally stumbled into Wet Dream’s wee bush, and made the mistake of telling the RA about it, right before the circle commenced.

Speaking of last night, Legless, Shark Killer and AC/DC demonstrated their scandalous sleeping arrangements, snug together in one tent! It was no surprise therefore that Legless and Shark killer were among the last to breakfast this morning (along with Camp Bed and Late Cummer).

Back to the GM, with a note to our sponsors: DT Dobie (for the tshirts) and TBL, as well, of course, as our hosts. Flatulence, Late Cummer and Horni Goat were rewarded for their late-night game efforts with a down down from the new triple (RIP old Triple!).

Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for: Hashit!

There were several nominations: Twitcher for ruining Wet Dream’s evening, Legless for being noisy and running into a tree, and Candy Man simply for being a noisy bastard. Twitcher just about had the nomination wrapped up when there was a late-breaking SELF nomination by Candy Blower!! Didn’t she learn from Fat Bitch’s indiscretion? Needless to say the honors were awarded to Candy Blower for her expert knicker removal (she even voted for herself!).

The circled closed with the usual song, and hashers headed home, a little sunburned, a little salty, and very happy.

OnOn