HASH TRASH
Run No. 1394
Venue: Kola Hill, Morogoro
Hares: Squirrel, BagoBones, Panty Pockets
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: The Perkle

The run started well but I had a feeling in my bones that it was going too well, and sure enough, when we met up with the walky talkies the full shocking scale of the disaster became apparent - LateCummer, who can normally charm himself into anyone’s knickers, had been rebuffed at the first hurdle - ipso facto - no beer stop at the Rocks. With a heavy heart and bursting lungs we pushed on. The Hares got a fright when they thought they had lost Babu Bill (as he was then known) but you don’t get to his advanced age without knowing your way around, and he turned up right as rain just when the search party was setting out. Hashers on the Rocks treated themselves to a virtual beer stop, and judging by all the extravagant burping and farting that went on afterwards they enjoyed it more than the real thing. The Rocks are one of life’s great turning points - and those saddoes still trying to prove something (despite being well over the hill) went over the hill - whilst those more comfortable with their personas went around the hill and were rewarded by reaching the second beer stop (as it was originally known) first. Are you following all this? - do try to keep up.

The Circle kicked off with a long round of thanks;
Panty Pockets - for much of the organisation (sic)
Bumtitty - for providing the softies, ice and water
Alex Moshi - for sponsoring the T-shirts (couldn’t he change his company’s name to Cream Pages? - yellow is so not my colour)
GGBL (Gary Glitter’s Brewery Ltd - an SAB Miller charity) - for providing the designer beer imported specially from Italy (but not for much longer - surprise, surprise)
Not to mention, but I will anyway, Cockroach, LateCummer, and CandyBlower.

Things then got rather rumbustious but the GM whipped out his water pistol, and this dampened things down for a short while. The RA took over, with the GM kindly giving him a lesson in the complexities of loading and firing a water pistol. Those the RA called to account included:
SCBs; Wet Dream, Bumtitty, Babu Bill
Fallers and Crawlers: Wet Dream, Foxy Pussy, Castratus, Squirrel, Bullseye and Banzai
Movers and Shakers: Twin Peaks, Bumtitty, Takkatrakka, Felicia
Inappropriately Dressed: Buggered Balls, Shark Killer, Dominatrix, Foxy Pussy, Panty Pockets, Grasshopper and Tadpole
Overly Fit Bastards: Enema Queen, Twitcher, Flatulence, Banzai and Hornigoat
Returnees: Boogie Boobs, Shark Killer, Enema Queen, Spitssss, and TittyBummer
Virgins: Babu Bill, Felicia, Chris, Charles, Nancy, Tina, and Anita (and if you were her size your FSP would be “on top” (U.S: cowgirl) too)

Then there was some naming and shaming. Babu Bill was named FATHER ABRAHAM and was treated to a horizontal down down by Foxy Pussy, Stella, the electrical engineer, is henceforth to be called AC / DC, and Tarimo is to be KITI MOTO (though I thought ‘Piggy Wanker’ would have been a more profound choice).

The Hashit was a no-brainer. Shark Killer not only missed the Hash cos her mind was elsewhere (in the Marine House perhaps?), she was also wearing a skirt in the Circle, and had been heard trying to hide her hash name. Wet Dream (Standard Chartered Bank), Foxy Pussy (“hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”), and Dominatrix (trying to seduce old men) were just there to give the whole contest a spurious air of authenticity. As in all the best Circles the event ended with the singing of SLSC.

OnOn
BoB