HASH TRASH
Run No.1345 23 November 2009
Venue: Valhalla
Hares: Cockroach, Boxer and Easy Let

Cockroach told us it would be a shade over 5 clicks. 5 clicks my ar*e. It was hot and there was no wind (unless you were running behind Flatulence) and by the fourth check I was creamcrackered. At the fifteenth check I nearly spewed my ring (I guess not everyone wants to know that), but I didn’t. Even Squirrel (the fit bast**d with the all-over tan) became sluggish and was nearly overtaken by a turbocharged Nutcracker. Tiny Sausage was upfront and outtasight - I have no idea what kind of jungle juice he’s on, but I could do with some of it. And if it wasn’t enough to have to drag one leg after another, we had to cope with titty checks and hookers. Somebody said that there was also a walk.

Our much respected Grand Master - CampBed - kicked off by thanking CandyMan and CandyBlower for stepping in to host the Hash at the eleventh hour and 59 minutes. When asked what he thought of the run Flatulence came up with the surprisingly reasonable comment that “Even by my standards, it was long”. Boogie Boobs said the walk was crass, but the crack was cool. Lucy did a very fine impersonation of Rippa living up to his reputation as Trailmaster par uselessness.

Shaggy foretold of a veritable tsunami of Jock jollifications involving dancing, prancing, cross-dressing, taking the piss out of the english, and doing unmentionable things with sheep’s bowels. Fun for all the Family. The running order is:
Friday night 7:30 onwards: live band playing Scottish stuff at Shooters Bar at Namanga
Saturday night: If you haven’t got tickets by now for the St Andrews Ball, pole fuck**ng sana
Sunday night 6:30 onwards: Hair of the Dog ceilidh at the Little Theatre
Monday night 5:30 onwards: St Andrew’s Hash hosted by Wet Dream and Boogie Boobs at ‘ooooor hooose’ -terpsichorean delights, before, during and after
Tuesday morning at 10:00: more chanting, ranting and prancing at the Terrace, Slipway

Also coming up is a drama thing called ‘Warning: May Contain Nuts’ at the IST Studio Theatre (Dec 3-5), ‘Cinderella’ at the Little Theatre, and Christmas Carols on the 13th Dec at the British High Commission (entry by ticket only but free).

The Religious Advisor (Candyman) took Candyblower, LateCummer and the Hash Harlot (Dominatricks) to task for starting on the beer supply before the run took off. Shaggy Haggis, Head Gasket and Flatulence took the Triple, for being by far the loudest Hashers. Hornigoat was ick, but failure to produce a Doctor’s certificate meant that the RA had no choice but to summon her for a down down to celebrate the Hash having two horns. Did I mention that Elephant Balls and Bonsai were there? I have done now. Returnees included Triar *uck, and Lucy. There seems to have been a bit of a run on Virgins recently, because all we managed to collect were Sail (FSP: doggy) and Arun (FSP: spider monkey). Candidates aplenty though for the Hashit - including CandyBlower (dishing up rust), Get Me Off (wearing jeans) Wet Dream (taking calls on his Blackberry thingy) Shaggy Haggis (gloating about victory over the Ozzies) and Nutcracker (for sucking and slurping on a lolly). The voting was close, but, after recourse to the Third Umpire, who looked at the video replay, it was announced that Wet Dream was definitely the most popular choice for Hashit. All that remained was to sing SLSC.

On On
BoB