HASH TRASH
Run No.1344 16 November 2009
Venue: CampBed’s tent
Hares: John, Karen, Nasty Pasty

The runner’s trail was fast and furious (well i was furious anyway). Half way round, NiteRider told me how much he was enjoying the run - minutes later he broke his foot. Pole sana. He won’t be running for a while, but like the true Hasher he is, he aims to be there every week for the Kili. Three quarters of the way round, a severely dehydrated Pony stopped to buy a bottle of water (yes, water!) at a duka - only to find the beer stop was only 50m away - hidden round a corner. I had to laugh. Some other people went for a stroll. Pole sana.

The GM kicked off a very (for him) assertive set by dragging in Roger the Cabin Boy and Happy With Three Fingers for punishment. Don’t ask me why. Then when the Hares were summoned John committed the ultimate solecism of wearing his cap in the Circle. The mob bayed for his blood but they had to make do with witnessing him take a horizontal down down (waterboarding), winsomely administered by Boogie Boobs. He took it very well and didn’t froth too much at the mouth (perhaps he has been trained in counter-interrogation techniques). The Trailmaster - Rippa - astounded everyone by knowing that next weeks hash will be hosted by DumbAss on SUNDAY 26th somewhere in Mbezi Beach - kick-off will be 16.00hrs sharp. A map will be sent out (probably). The RA (Candyman) explained that he had recently been indulging his voyeuristic side, but, disappointingly, the object of his spying was Capt. Skidmarks, who was sexting in the pub. Rumour has it he was sexting Boogie Boobs - does Wet Dream know? - he does now. Hashers were totally gobsmacked to learn that Flatulence had offered to make Hornigoat an honest woman (but after all it is high time somebody did). She honoured his offer, and all night long he was honour and offer. Flatulence was congratulated on his magnificent catch, and Hornigoat was offered the Hash’s deepest sympathy (but surely he’ll grow up one day). My Little Pony, Outlaw, Rippa, Hornigoat and BagoBones had taken the advice of the Hare and gone the scenic route to the beer stop, only to find that the RA said they were short-cutting bastards (SCBs). The inappropriately addressed included Cockroach, Even Happier with Four Fingers, Slappa, and Banzai. Returnees included the Hash Harlot (Dominatricks), Wounded Knee, Wet Dream, My Little Pony,and Slappa (“she had had to leave the Hash to dry out”). I feel a new paragraph coming on.

Shaggy Haggis had been the Guest of Honour at the Marine Ball last weekend (can this be true?) and was asked give an account. He had been so impressed that he demanded that F**k it Now recreate the Presentation of the Colours. A Honour Guard formed up, which included Shaggy and Cockroach for some reason, and they strutted their stuff (it was all very moving, and i felt proud to be British). Moving quickly onto Virgins there was Jonah from Big Sky country, Sari from Knockialand, Stephanie from Murder Alley, Barry from the East End, Denmark from Kent, Chris from the Bay, and Joe from the Big Apple. All had very pedestrian FSPs except for Chris who said he liked lying down and looking up. Mmmm. Gus and Johnana were sung “Hashy Birthday”. And after much sober and wise reflection the Circle decided that from henceforth and forever more Issa is to be called Stool Sample. Mr Foreskin nominated Megan for the Hashit for bullshitting about her virginity, but the Hashit went to Nasty Pasty (always a popular choice) for threatening to desecrate “Old Glory”. And, as in all the best circles, the Hash ended with a reverential rendering of “Swing Low Sweet Chariot”.

On On
BoB