HASH TRASH

Run No.1530 - THE JOCK HASH

Venue: Wounded Knee’s Tepee

Hares: BagOBones, Panty Pockets

Grand Master: Cockroach

Religious Advisor: Shaggy Haggis

Starring: “Big Jobbies”

Words fail me when trying to describe how good this trail was, but, if you insist, I will try. It was visionary in its sheer scope, and breathtaking in its execution. There were some cunning stunts all of which the Hare pulled off with insouciant aplomb. For those of you who have an obsession with the minutiae of life (yes I do mean you Candyman ‘) the dance we did at the first beer stop was ‘Flying Scotsman’ and at the second it was ‘Mince and Tatties’. When asked, Desperate said that it was much more energetic than usual, because of all that up and down. And then as an afterthought she added that the trail was somewhat pedestrian but came good at the end.

We were then formally introduced to the Scottish Band – “Big Jobbies” – who had been flown by BA cattle class all the way from Bristol just to entertain us. Possibly you have not heard of them before, but they’re really popular at the Deaf School. As the theme of the evening was to celebrate Scottish Olympians, the GM organized a boat race between two teams: - Boogie Boobs (drinker) & Wounded Knee (cox) against Nurse Ratched (drinker) and Wet Dream (cox). The drinkers, suitably mounted on their boats, competed to finish their Kili first while their teammates tossed their cabers. It was a wild, wet, spume-filled ride, but Boogie Boobs came out ahead (methinks she’s been secretly practicing, Ed). The GM, who has an eye for unusual talent, decided that our Scottish chanteuse – Finger Pluckin’ Good – should try out for Hashtronaut. She made such a good effort that the other team members were also told to give it a go, but apart from Just Dick’s interesting blast-off technique, there was nothing to write home about. Shaggy Haggis was suffering from too much deep throat on Saturday night – Nuts$Lurve remarked on his resemblance to the also-rans in the Duracell Bunny advert, but I notice that she stopped short of offering him a recharge. Instead he had to rely on the dubious services of that well-known mouthpiece – Outlaw. Hashers dragged into the Circle included Centrefold, Wet Dream, Gary Glitter, Just Isobel, Huge Heifer, Sumbawanker, Outlaw, Quiet Night In With The Wife, Koochi Gucci, Just Lyndsey, Nurse Ratched, and DumbAss – why were they there? – they could have been Departees, Returnees, Birthday Hashers – who the f*c* cares?

The GM produced a red training shoe and said he was trying to find the owner, who, he said, had GREAT EXPECTATIONS. He went round the Circle getting Hashers to try it on, and lo and behold the only person who fitted it properly was Kili Ndogo. I ‘spect we will hear more of this anon.

There was a fair crop of Virgins. Artemis from Russia is a doggy fan, Ryan from RSA is of the wheelbarrow orientation, Peter the Piper likes to dress up as a cowboy, Alex from Gloucester is always to be found on top, Jane is a Cheesehead with dreams of being a cowgirl in reverse, Bradley from Cornwall is a 69 fan, and Rosie has a soft spot for missionaries – the GM says he will introduce her to a few. When the GM asked for nominations for Hashit Boogie Boobs unleashed a long, bitter, tirade against Wet Dream for not lifting his finger to help with the packing, leaving his dirty underpants on the bedroom floor, failing to ensure that she was properly lubricated at all times, and generally being a pain in the ass. (Nothing new there then, Ed). It was hard for anyone to follow that, but Just Erica did, complaining that Kili Ndogo had tried to steal her thunder - he’s just a goofless likkle kid for chrissake! BagoBones was in trouble for not delivering on his promise of whisky at the beer stops, as was Nurse Ratched for some other no doubt heinous crime. Hashers quite rightly voted in overwhelming numbers for Just Erica. And then we sang SLSC.

During the evening Hashers donated a total of Tsh 563,000 to the charities that the Caledonian Society of Tanganyika supports, namely the Buguruni School for Deaf Children, and the New Children’s Cancer Hostel at Muhimbili. Well done everyone. Helping kids whilst having a lot of fun – this is what the Jock Hash is all about.

On On

BoB

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