Hash Trash 1529
19 November 2012
Venue: Nevada Grill
Hares: Koochi Gucci, Shafted, Silent Stroker
GM: Cockroach
RA: Rock Climber
Starring: Mr Sh**hole
Dominatricks (ex Hash Harlot) would have loved this Hash because there was ample time for shopping. Wounded Knee picked out a rather tasteful pink (although later Candyman insisted it was cerise (Ed, I told you he was a pedant)) negligee that he thought would suit the GM. I thought his bum looked big in it, but he took it anyway (but left others to pay for it) and ran off. In honour of Koochi Gucci, whose penultimate Hash this was, we sang ‘She married an Italian, who was hung like a ….ing stallion.’ Talking of which, who should pop up like a bad penny but a svelte Mr S**thole, and he ran too - no skulking at the back with the dissolutes and knackered as of old. When asked what he thought of the Hash, he replied “‘Aaah, I don’t do thinking.” There was a lot of unseemly speculation about Shark Killer being late – whether she was ten minutes late, a week late, a month late, or late of this parish. She looked pretty healthy to me. Next Week’s Hash is the opening event of the Annual JockFest – there will be whisky, women, live music, singing, dancing, men behaving badly, watersports, and maybe a little running.
Mr Shi**ole was brought centre stage and made to wear the aforesaid pink (cerise) negligee. He looked a treat in it, and with the help of Roobidextrous’s sweaty socks, he filled it well. When asked which two hot bitches he would like to go home with he chose CandyBlower and Panty Pockets …..(I’m not saying anything, it would be more than my life’s worth, Ed). It was a busy night for Mr S*i*hole – he had a try-out for hashtronaut and wasn’t any better at it than his missus (the infamous Nasty Pasty) and was then conned into directing an impromptu production of ‘Running Bear (played by Roobidextrous) and Little White Dove (played by Shark-Killer)’. There was no screen kiss, but otherwise it was the usual crap. There were a whole (pun intended, Ed) bunch of Virgins, but most of them were gay boys from across the pond (what happened to General Petraeus’s policy of ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ ??) so were of no interest to all us God-fearing, straight, upright Hashers. Just Jacky, Imelda, Michaela, and Tara aroused a little more interest, but then the Circle got sidetracked into discussing the mechanics of Daisy Bum Chains.
Candidates for the highest honour of the Hash included Candyman for being the only Hasher to know the difference between pink and cerise, Inspector Gadget for taking a dump on the Hash, Roobidextrous for sitting on the Hash, Just Jeshua for running while iPadding, and Koochi Gucci for inverting Sparkle. Koochi came out on top. Another left-footer, Umbilical, was asked to perform the Last Rites for Koochi, and he got him right in the face with a full toilet-brush-load of Holy Water. There was only one thing left to do – and we did it.
On On
BoB