Hash 1528

Hares: Silent Stroker, Squirrel, Boxer in absentia. I reckon Boxer and Tiny Sausage might be having a fling – has anyone else noticed that they regularly disappear before the Circle ? “I’m off to the Hash tonight dear, won’t be back until at least 9…..”.

Bag of Bones, having handed over the Trash duties to me, was immediately called in to explain what he thought of the Run. God moves in mysterious ways….He said it was ‘in and out, roundabout, and crap’. Reminded me a bit of the Okey Cokey at the time, but it doesn’t seem so funny now. Shark Killer said that the walk was very nice, some parts were stinky but the timing was good. I really don’t need to add anything to that, do I ?

Not for the first time in his existence, the GM confused me. Coochie Goochie was brought into the Circle as he is hosting NWH. Although he isn’t apparently – Nuts for Love is. Except she can’t confirm this, because she wasn’t there (ménage a trios with Boxer and Tiny Sausage ?). So Just Chelsea will host. Or is it Coochie Goochie ? Or Nuts for Love ? See what I mean ?

We bade a sincere (first time that word has been used in the Hash Trash ?) farewell to Flatulence and Horny Goat, and Twitcher joined them for failing to provide T-shirts to mark their departure. Shark Killer, Just Chelsea (sounds like a posh clothing brand name, no ?), Easy Let and Just Lindsay (sounds like a…STOP IT – HASH TRASH ED) were then brought in as potential Adopters of Gary Glitter, and I have to report that none of them looked too thrilled at the prospect !

The GM then handed over to the RA, Shaggy Haggis (Mr. Haggis to you).

Outlaw, CandyMan, Just Jimmy (sounds like a….AAARGHHH , Flatulence (popular on his departure day) and Rock Climber were all called in for being forgetful. And I thought wives were there to remember the trivialities in life…(that’s a joke, Dear). Horny Goat and her bitch (Flatulence), Wounded Knee and Just Keith (I think I’ve flogged that one. The joke I mean, not Just Keith) were brought in for Miss Demeanours. HG was a lookalike for dog-lover Inspector Gadget (obviously), Just Keith washed the Hash Shit and Wounded Knee bribed the RA by paying 1/3rd of his entrance fee (if my Maths – with an ‘s’ for the Dum Dums) is holding up.

Flatulence and HG were then brought in for arriving early, an Just Jeshua (?) and Just Chelsea were brought in for being late. At some point, Jeshua announced that he couldn’t read Math (see what I did there ?), which left me even more bewildered that I normally am during the Circle.

Returnees were Flatulence, Gary Glitter and Just Obata (?); Flatty claimed to have been set up, GG couldn’t remember why he hasn’t been for a while, and I can’t remember why Just Obata hasn’t been for a while.

Departees were Flatulence, HG (see a trend developing ?), Hitler and Just Alexa. For the former two, WE WILL MISS THEM. For the latter two, Hitler was having his bug sprayed and Just Alexa was spraying the bug. Now there’s a euphemism if I have ever heard one.

Virgins were the splendidly-named Long Prong, Just Jeshua and Just Alexa. Respectively, they were invited by Wounded Knee / Just Keith, Just Chelsea and Shafted / Rock Climber; they hail from the UK, California (“dum dum dum dum dum dum….”) and RSA; and their FSPs are “Right Behind You” (‘you’ being Mr. Haggis), Doggy Style and No Preference.

Onto Hash Shit….nominees were Just Keith was washing the Hash Shit (shame on you…), Rock Climber, for not warning Just Keith not to wash the Hash Shit, GG for commandeering children, and Flatulence so that he can proudly present it to the Middlesboro’ Hash.

Flatulance won by a Country Mile, mostly through his own voting. I’ve done about 250 Hashes in Dar, and I would like to say that I have never seen a happier winner of the Hash Shit. Ever.

SLSC ensued and, rather than waiting until all the food has gone so that they can moan about it, Flatty and HG dined heartily at the front of the queue. And we will miss them dearly.