HASH TRASH
Run No. 1262 23 June 2008
Venue: Lord Whore Whore’s stately home, Msasani Peninsula
Hares: Lord Whore Whore, Candyman, Candyblower

One might have expected a load of bullshit from a hasher named Lord Whore Whore, but he did us proud. Set a fine, well-marked, well-paced run, and at every check he regaled hashers with a brief account of local places of interest (mostly knocking shops). The walky-talkies got a good workout too, I’m told. Not content with setting a good trail, he, or more likely his retinue of servants, produced a meal that fed 50 instead of the planned-for 30. Well done m’lord.

Wet Dream got the Circle underway in his inimitable style, but I could tell his heart and mind were elsewhere. There was a parade of “dizzy, blonde women” that included: Close Encounters for phoning the GM no less than three times to get directions to the Hash; Candyblower for losing her camera at the beach, Upskirts for failing to live up to her promise to the GM, and Sweaty Betty for predicting a no-sweat run. When will they ever learn. The Religious Advisor, the very irreverant Nasty Pasty, took over, and you could tell she was in a foul foul mood. Were the Hashers suitably cowed? - not a bit of it. They chatted amongst each other, and interrupted and arsed about like the immature, sad bastards that most of them are. Even the introduction of a second RA - Candyman - and the use of a “Naughty Step” failed to bring about any semblance of order, coherence, and erudition. These two RA are democratically elected officers of the Hash and so have a mandate to extract the urine from one and all; they have sacrificed their lives, careers, marriages, and good drinking time to serve the Hash - so the least hashers can do is SHUT THE F**K UP while they are performing. Four Virgins trooped out bashfully into the Circle - one was from South Carolina (but we shouldn’t hold that against her) and another said he was an entrepreneur - or was that his favourite sexual position? Hashers voted to name our beerman for the night “Ribbed For Pleasure” on account of his broken (sorry, cracked) ribs, and Tara named herself “Octopussy” (since when have we allowed Hashers to choose their own names?). The Hashit went to HeadGasket as punishment for his constant chattering and interruptions.

The Circle ended with a Negro Spiritual accompanied by very secular gestures. By the way, have you noticed that Mr F****ing Nobody always comes early?