HASH TRASH
Run No.1270 11 August 2008
Venue: Gay Haggis’s hovel (tho’ Tulip pays the rent)
Hares: Bagobones, RentBoy and Panty Pockets

Another yawn-inducing trail around the leafy streets and lanes of the Peninsula, but it is a harmless way to get a sweat up in order to justify downing a few cans of the amber liquid. Of course not all hashers need an excuse ... but more of the GM later. There was the usual litany of whinges from (some of) the harriettes, who seem to like it short and soft with a quick finish.

The GM launched forth with an appeal for suitable names for that black rubber gnarled knobbly thing that he brought all the way from Birmingham (what were the security people thinking of when allowing it on an aircraft?). Rentboy, who had had temporary possession of the aforesaid thing, was administered a horizontal down down by the lovely Upskirts, who performed the duty in a caring, insightful way. Why did he get a down down? - merely to fill time while the wholly incontinent Hash staff (aka LateCummer, Candyblower) hurriedly got the Hash mugs washed in Tulip’s toilet, which, incidentally, Panty Pockets had just used.

The GM (Wet Dream) then announced a mishmanagement meeting on Thursday 19.00 hrs EAT at ooooor hooose, and appealed for the Hash to participate in the Nairobi-Naivasha relay on 4/5 October - see Tiny Sausage (you’ll have to look hard, because he is quite small). No-one had a bloody clue about where next weeks hash is, owing to the absence of the Trailmaster - off frolicking in sun-kissed meadows with the diaphonous Nutcracker no doubt.

The first of the night’s piss artists (aka Religious Advisors) took the stage and called forth Spitsss and Swallows who was described as an “oxymoronic U.S. intelligence agent” on account of her leaving a mobile phone in the tender care of a barman at last weeks hash. Candyman (for it was he) then handed over to a much bigger piss artist: - Gay Haggis. He proceeded to rant and rail against beer abuse (he might as well have pissed into the wind) poncey wine drinkers (aka ParknRide and Candyblower) and stick insects (aka LateCummer), and he then lead us in a Hash Prayer. He shared with us with the rules (circa 1940) of the original Hash in KL, including “females and other bad characters are prohibited from participating” and “Hash funds are not to be used to pay the fines of members appearing in court”. Times have changed of course, but not always for the better methinks. Moving quickly on to Virgins - of which there were 6, including Moonhole, MTN, Megan, and Hans Knees and Bumpsadaisy. And then when some of us had totally given up hope of getting a hot meal, the GM got us back to the knotty subject of naming the black knobbly thing. There was very broad support for “The Horse’s Penis”, so it was named “Torsten’s Friend”. In the absence of the pukka hashit gear, the Torsten’s Friend was put up as a stand-in. ParknRide said she might need it, but didn’t deserve it, and tried to foist it onto Candyblower. There was a debate about whether it was double-ended and so suitable for being awarded jointly to two harriettes. The ensuing catfight was curtailed by the GM who with blatant bias awarded Torsten’s Friend to ParknRide. The Circle ended with the traditional song.

On On
BoB