HASH TRASH
Run No.1369 29 March 2010
Venue: The Gasworks
Hares: Flatulence, Hornigoat, and Panty Pockets
Grand Master: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Candyman

A brisk and businesslike run with a few twiddly bits for effect. Said to be “Just right.” Hmmph! It was a Hash when hordes of little people - the Paddybrats and the Candybrats - kept getting under one’s feet, up one’s nose, and generally making a hideous racket. I recognised A+, Baywatch, Calumny (as he was then known), Spitoon, and Knickerless (as he is still known) but there were more of the little horrors. Our brand, spanking (I’m guessing) new Trailmaster - Castrato - has opted to solve the problem of persuading lazy hashers to set a Hash by setting them all himself. So NWH is at the Nuthouse. He started to give us precise directions, but we are so unused to this, that no-one could cope - there’ll be a map. The GM jeered the Easter Hashers for bringing beer all the way back from Udzungwa. Announcements came slim and slow, and included:
Friday 9th April - welcome the new intake/detachment/platoon/whatever of Marines at the Marine House about 8’ish
Sunday 18th April - Live Earth Run for Water - 6km walk and 15km run
Saturday 24th - Candyblower says St George has the best balls in Dar, and she should know
May 1st - Nairobi Hash are having a joint Hash with Kili Hash in Arusha or maybe Moshi
15-16th May - Bagomoyo Relay
22nd May - Kili Beer are sponsoring a half marathon after ? the Goat Races

The RA dragged the Returnees into the Circle and they included Easy Let, Latecummer, Panty Pockets, Extra-Testicular, Hornigoat, and Banzai - all had pathetic excuses. Boogie Boobs was a rare Departee. Two Virgins, John and Neil, from Blighty, with typically uninspiring FSPs, were despatched. Horni was having trouble with her chipolatas (she is more of a rancid, raw fish person really) so we needed to kill time, and Head Gasket obliged by leading the brats in a right song and dance aka “Father Abraham”. It was then time to give Calumny a Hash name, and the way his mother described him you’d think the sun shines out of his “ELBOW!” - and after she was banished from the Circle, hashers in their wisdom decided on the name of “Grasshopper” - but he can always change it later for something better, because Candyman made his usual pig’s ear of incanting the incantation - thus invalidating the ceremony. When asked who was the current holder of the Hashit, Wet Dream said that it had been bestowed on Pleasure Centret, cos she’s short and Welsh, but it turns out she is from Milwaukee (and did she ever successfully swop her pet snake for a car?). Any road, that is neither her nor there, there were plenty of fresh-faced new candidates, including Banzai (for being Welsh), Castrato and Nuts (for having sex on the Hash), Extra-T (for picking flowers to adorn Close Encounter’s hair - the great puffta). The Great Puffta got it - GOOD CHOICE! The Circle ended with the traditional song and then we all got to gnaw on Horni’s chipolatas. Yum Yum.

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BoB