HASH TRASH
Run No. 1392
Venue: Gary Glitter’s Garret
Hares: Gary Glitter, Candyman, Candyblower
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: The Perkle

I had just flopped onto the floor to watch my bestest Teletubbies video when my Mum dragged me out to the Hash - hashers are much like Teletubbies really except they are not as good looking. She says she takes me on the Hash so that I can learn early that most men never get beyond a mental age of 8. My Mum said that the run was aweful long, but then she is hard to please. She said she giggled when she saw RRs Licker having a piddle against a wall - why are grown-ups allowed to get away with this? - if it had been me I would have been on the naughty bench for a week! There was a walk too, but I didn’t get to go on that either - just stuck in the house with my gastly bruver. Why?

There were some announcements, but they all went over my head (I was crayoning at the time). Ah yeh but I did hear something about next weeks hash being set by Wounded Knee and that nice Nurse Ratched. If I promise to be reely good will there be jellytots, M & Ms, Hershey bars and ice cream for me? Hashers sang silly songs with some of the naughty words changed - but if you think that i don’t know what you mean, you’re dafter than I thought. That nice Mr Pink had a lot of grown-ups in his bad books, including:
Latecomers; Banzai, DumbAss
FRBs: Flatulence, Head Gasket, RRs Licker, and Shiny Tossage (sic)
Returnees: Latecummer, WAGS, MLP, Get Me Off, Hashdance
Virgins (?) included Paul from Orlando, Gotcha from Zululand, plus Erik the Bad and Hegel the Horrible from Norseland, and John / Johan and Happiness.

Hashers gave Pleasure Centre’s mutt the name of ‘Pleasure Pooch’, which made me yawn, though it was well past my bedtime anyway. My favourite Chocolate Soldier tried to be naughty, but I guess he must have had all the naughtiness bashed out of him, and he gave up his Hashit gear without a whimper - to Flatulence, who was back in full throat now that his kid has gone. Then there was that song. Why?

Lots of grown-ups told me about how yummy the food was, but all I got was sticky rice. I’ll never grow up to be big and strong like Panty Pockets if I eat nothing but sticky rice! Why is it that we always have veggie food, (often when there are no veggy people), but no kid’s food? Why is it that we never have chicken nuggets with Treacle Sponge Pudding, Jam Roly Poly, Spotted Dick (with cow’s turd of course), Lemon Meringue Pie, or even Baked Alaska? Why?

On On
Sparkle