HASH TRASH
Run No.1366 29 March 2010
Venue: “Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooor Hoose”
Hares: Cockroach and Boogie Boobs
Grand Master: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Candyman

Sold to us as “short” it was in fact a decent length, though perhaps not quite devious enough (my own attempt to second-guess the hare proved to be as successful as pissing into the wind). When Rippa was asked about the trail he complained that it was too short. Well what d’ye expect when you only run half of it? When Close Encounters’s Mum was asked about the walking trail she launched forth into a full-length soliloquy and had to be unceremoniously bundled out of the Circle for her own protection. But hashers were very impressed with Castrato for selflessly volunteering to take over Rippa’s ever-so-onerous duties as Hash Trailmaster. There were no announcements (hurray!) except that Easter Bunnies should gather at Ooor Hoose at 0900 on Friday morning for the start of the Udzungwa Experience (which will hopefully eclipse the memories of the Ubungo Experience). The GM shouting out “Can I have Boogie Boobs in the Circle please” raised a few eyebrows, but it turned out that all he wanted to do was to congratulate her on her Birthday. It has become a tradition of the Dar Hash to humiliate those who forget to collect their belongings, but a search of the Trash archives has shown that never before have these included breast implants. Candyman couldn’t persuade anyone to own up to owning them (though I noticed Shaggy blushing) so he called out Foxy Pussy and Twitcher (chosen at random - so he claimed) to model them for us. This produced a curiously lop-sided effect, but let’s move quickly on to the Departees who included Rubber Bum (whose breasts have only just bounced in), Rippa, and Gary Glitter. Returnees (sad people) included Wounded Knee, Nurse Ratched, Little MG, and Extra-Testicular. Loads of American Virgin Peace Corpses, all made to come by Wounded Knee. Candyman said he was amazed to meet a bunch of Yanks who made the Marines look intelligent - which I thought was a bit unkind (tho’ to whom I am not saying). They had some very fancy FSPs, but, if you have been given the job of promoting sexual abstinence to teenagers in Mtwara, I guess you have to occupy your mind with something a little exotic. Latecummer’s Little Helper was given the name of “Kili-ndogo” - and a right little star he is - though 20 years on, will he sue the Hash for child abuse? The Hashit went to Bijal for stirring up a hue and cry about her missing trainers, when all the time they were in her washing machine, but the regalia will be worn by a lookalike (Wet Dream) for the next Hash. Gary Glitter was honoured as a Hash Super Hero for conning the Brewery into supplying us with free beer for eternity. And there was a lot of respect shown to Rippa, who is sadly leaving us. His main contribution to the Hash was of course being the model for Torsten’s Friend and Torsten’s Friend’s Identical Twin. Not many people know that. We will miss him, but Torsten’s Friend will always remind us of him, and he is sure to be back one day. The Circle ended in the traditional way.

On On
BoB

Editor’s note: normal paragraph service will be resumed after Easter.