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Hash Trash 2010

Trash 1356

HASH TRASH
Run No.1356 1 February 2010
Venue: Hash Harlot’s Brothel, Regent Estate
Hares: Cockroach, Dominatrix
Grand Master: CampBed
Religious Advisor: Shaggy Haggis

Dominatrix produced a map of sorts to help Hashers find their way to her brothel, but the less said about it the better. The Ice Man is still out there somewhere, but he is now selling drinking water. Only a few of the more intrepid (aka “sad”) Hashers successfully penetrated the labyrinthine twists and turns of Regent Estate, and one of them was so traumatised by the experience he turned round at the gate and pissed off again. When I saw Cockroach poring over Dominatrix’s map of the trail, a deep sense of foreboding starting pulsing through my bowels (memories of Close Encounter’s hash), but for once my bowels were wrong, and we followed the trail without great difficulty. And at the end Cockroach even pulled off a bravura performance as a live hare. This was one of those rare Hashes where the runners far outnumbered the walkers. These pedestrian people were led on the walk by Dominatrix, who quickly managed to get them lost. Would a map have made any difference ......I doubt it. But I have good news for those parents foolish enough to pay oodles of money to have their orrible offspring attend Dominatrix’s school - she solemnly promised me that she would never try to teach them any geography.

Despite, or because of, the small attendance, the Circle was more than usually anarchic, rowdy (the RA lost his voice), and hilarious. The support staff were somewhat short-handed, on account of LateCummer having got lost trying to follow Dominatrix’s map - and he lives in the next street! Mr Bombastic and Banzai were pressed into service as Senior Beverages Managers, and wow did they give good head. Banzai’s sun-burnt legs with white thighs were a sight for sore eyes - I haven’t laughed so much since Close Encounter’s left her bikini bottoms behind in the 3-legged race at the 2008 Bongoyo Games. Shaggy admonished him for failing to SLIP, SLAP, SLOP, and went on to regale us with a highly unreliable account of the spectacular that Flatulence had pulled off as Tina Turner at the St George’s Society bash last weekend - Hornigoat is still trying to prise her underwear off him. Those Hashers misguided enough to miss the MacTilda Hash were made to take a Down Down in Atholl Brose - a strange Scottish concoction made from whisky and rusty girders. There were no Virgins, but Gary Glitter was a welcome returnee from Arusha (cue for a song perhaps) and Bronwen was named “Pleasure Centre” - and by the way, if youre interested, she is looking to swop her pet snake for a car.

Next weeks Hash will be at the Brewery, where we have been promised warm beer, food that by comparison would make rat droppings taste like caviar, and rubbish hospitality - just the regular Hash then. The Circle ended with Swing Low Sweet Chariot. Don’t miss the Annual General Piss-Up (AGPU) this coming Saturday at the Thai Village. If you don’t know where Thai Village is, whatever you do don’t ask Dominatrix for directions.

On On
BoB

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