HASH TRASH
Run No.1354 25 January 2010
Venue: Jackie’s Bar
Hares: Cockroach, Stiff Cocktail

It was a most irregular Hash, with a lot of ad hoc, seat-of-the-pants, suck-it-and-see, if-you-will-then-I-will, whatever-route-you-take-is-fine-by-me stuff going on. Wet Dream must have been turning in his grave. No, I haven’t heard anything untoward about him - he hasn’t graced the Hash with his presence for yonks, but I did see him at the weekend and he was definitely half-dead then.

When the GM - the laconic CampBed - asked NiteRider what he thought of the trail he replied that it was “WetnDry”. And Beepertits complained that the walk was too long to be a walk. Announcements came thick and fast, including MacTilda Hash (Sunday 31st Jan - last chance to get tickets is at George and Dragon pub on Wednesday night) and AGPU (Saturday 6th Feb) and Tina Turner night (Friday) and Kili Marathon (there is not much accommodation left but you can always shack up with Flatulence). BagOBones reminded the prospective Mactilda Hashers of the wise words of the former Bishop of Bongoyo, the Very Reverend Aloysius Prawn, to wit: SLIP, SLAP, SLOP.

Shaggy Haggis complained about there not being a Hare of the Dog Hash on Monday 1st Feb, so he was promptly volunteered to set one - he will be helped by the Hash Harlot. Said Shaggy then flounced into the Circle in the guise of Religious Advisor only to be greeted by shouts of “Translator please” from Rippa. So when Shaggy chose Rippa to be his translator there were even more shouts of “Translator please”. One feels sorry for people, who unlike me, can’t speak the Queen’s English, but only for about 1 second. Shaggy was rambling on about penis offences again, and when we finally got to the bottom of it, it seemed he was alleging that Flatulence had abused his immorata (aka Hornigoat) to such an extent that she has had to be medivacced to Denmark to be stitched up. Even by the standards of the Hash this is poor form - every decent person knows that you should wait until you are married before you start abusing your partner.

There were a lot of allegations and counter allegations involving Erotic Chicken, the Kenyan male physiognomy, and the Hash Harlot’s shorts. Much of it was over my head, but I did record the clear-cut conclusion that Erotic Chicken has a tiny sausage. No surprise there then. Pre-Departees Stiff Cocktail and Hot Safari were given a pre-Down Down - and true to form Hot Safari took so long about it that the rude verse of the Down Down song had to be re-sung several times. Some motley Virgins who were coaxed out from under the bed included Clarel, Patric, Ishihara, Wanjika, and Natalie whose FSP is “any with my boyfriend” and who, to no great surprise, was then immediately overwhelmed by prospective suitors and other saddoes. There wasn’t much competition for the Hashit, and NiteRider and BettyBoo had to be dragged into it to make up the numbers, but there was never any doubt that it was going to go to Stiff Cocktail for his services to the Hash over the years (which he really enjoyed). As in all the very best Circles the Hash ended with the reverential singing of that old Hash spiritual - Swing Low Sweet Chariot.

On On
BoB