HASH TRASH
Run No.1353 18 January 2010
Venue: Close Encounter’s mock-baronial pile in Mikocheni
Hares: Tiny Sausage, Bag O Bones, Close Encounters

This was one of those hashes where the harriette (said to be the weaker sex) planned and marked the trail (Close Encounters??) and then conned some chivalrous but very naive hasher (Tiny Sausage) into taking her scrap of a map and being the front hare. This trick almost always ends in tears, and tonight was no exception. It was going fairly well until Tiny’s GPS (1) fell asleep and the pack went off-trail by about 2 clicks (though since when was the Front Hare meant to lead the pack round the trail?). The thought that we might be wandering round Mikocheni half the night led to a general lowering of spirits, and quite a few runners dropped out at the beer stop. Credit to Pissed in Action, a miniscule PaddyBrat and a few others for sticking with it to the bitter end - which contrary to hallowed custom was a long way beyond the beer stop. When we finally got back to Close Encounter’s place, Tiny Sausage just kept on running and was last seen heading for protective custody with Mikocheni Police. While runners were having such fun, Close Encounters guided some very pedestrian hashers on a walk and got them ....................lost.

The Grand Master - the very egregious CampBed - called forth the Hares for retribution. As Tiny had done a runner the GM chose Slappa as a Tiny lookalike, and it proved to be a busy night for her. There were trailers for the MacTilda Hash (Sunday 31st Jan - see Spitz) and the Hash AGPU (Saturday 6th Feb - theme Legends and Super Heroes - see Get Me Off). Cockroach invited everyone to a Tina Turner knees-up at Sweet Eazy on Friday 29th January. Dominatrix suggested that Hashers may like to make donations next Monday in memory of our recently deceased Harriette Anne - proceeds to go to a worthy cause. To widespread derision the Trailmaster claimed to know that next week’s Hash will be at Jackie’s Bar (though she doesnt know it yet) and will be hosted by Stiff Cocktail and Hot Safari in celebration of their impending escape from the clutches of the Hash Mismanagement Committee.

The GM then handed over control to the Religious Advisor - Shaggis - who quickly lost it. He was speaking in tongues, or at least I assume he was. My notebook struggled to keep up and I thought it would crash at one point, but it did record him saying “I’ll scr*w the Virgins later” and “This is a very very penis offence”. Nevertheless, he did remember to give EasyLet, Rippa, Moonshine, and Penthouse the Hashy Birthday treatment. As for the aforeskinned Virgins, they were almost all Knuckleheads from the States (but seem quite decent guys all the same) and why Penthouse (who everyone knows is not a Virgin) was amongst them was not made clear to me. Some naming and shaming went on - Just Felipe (rejected by the Marines for being too intelligent and so forced into the Air Force) was named Top Bum thanks to the decisive vote of Tiny Bastard; Just Megan was named Looby Booby, and Just Gus will from henceforth be always called Twitter Tw*t. The Hashit went most unfairly to the Tiny Sausage lookalike - which was Cockroach (Slappa having finally gone off duty for the night). The Circle ended with SLSC. And then we had tasty fish and chips courtesy of My Little Pony and a promotional offering from a new chippy called Red Snapper (tel: 0788 759849) close by Talk of the Town just off Garden Road in Mikocheni.

On On
BoB

(1) For those non-techies amongst you, I am reliably informed that GPS means Giant Pussy Sniffer