Hash Trash 1550
29th march 2013-03-30
Venue: Swinging Spears’s beach hide away and Heli Pad
Hares: Shaggy haggis, wet dreams, Just Phillipa
GM: Cockroach
RA: Shaggy Haggis

The venue was honoured by Salty Gonads who dropped into the hash venue in style, yes it’s a first for Dar, by helicopter. It was later unanimously decided that there will be no more lateness in the hash because of the folleni(Jam).Just check in at the slipway and the helicopter will be waiting to drop you at the hash for a fee of 10,000 if you are not eating and 15,000 if full hash( notice no currency mentioned.) All expenses to be charged to your visa beer or card.
The run was noted to be ambitious, unimpressive by Scrotum Scrummer. Then Desarate noted the walk to be humid, going round in a circle and long, but on the other hand enjoyed the walk talking and gossiping all the way.
Ai,Ai,Ai was to be a look alike to Swigging Spear. She was joined in by 4 others and a note from bunny encouraged them to swing and dance.
Saturday in Swairs Beach the hares nominated were Shaggy, Wet dreams and Just Phillipa
Monday, to be hosted by Viagra and Second Coming location to be communicated later.

The GM handed over to Shaggy haggis: who brought in twitchier in the circle for cue jumping, wet dreams for letting Boogie boog take the wrong ferry and getting lost for half an hour just a stone’s throw from the venue, Turkish delight and Ai, ai,Ai who got lost the minute they left St Peters Church and ended up in the witch doctors house. Where they were welcomed by the locals who were very blessed to have customers,,, beautiful ladies and nice car. The GM and Bogie who went looking for them also got lost....charms were at work in the evening hot humid day.
As if that was not enough,,,they left the place and headed for the mafia house, and still went in to hoot at the gate even with the big sign of UMBWA Kali.(hot dogs)The real dog came out and they took off being hashers, that explains why they were very lousy the whole evening.

RA invited the GM back to explain why Rockclimber was called an Albino.few questions confirmed he was not .Ai,Ai,Ai was in the circle for a drink and the sauce of the information was ..Ginger,,,
The GM was accused of animal abuse on the run for rustling a cow and bonding a goat and god knows what..and he ended up calling all the runners to join in in the mess. A victim as usual was rock climber.

Tiny sausages became the second witchdoctor with his snake charm throwing it and scaring the villagers. He claims he just wanted to see their reactions. He became Moses in the desert going to see pharaoh on behalf of the people...for those who went to Sunday school.....
Though sparlke beautiful queen baby of the hash Shhhhhhhh do not tell anyone said wasungus do not pray.lol...

Excuse drinking when one GM drink all.GM....Drink sounds like sounds like...
Rock climber/late coming, group of friends who were to leave for Zanzibar before breakfast, were victims because of one of them decided during the run to be curtailing crabs .or making several attempts to catch the crabs for breakfast.
Since they did not get any, they ended up staying up late and joining in the morning breakfast.
The lame excuses for rushing to ZNZ were: Scrotum scrum is off to discoteching in znz, Bunns office and working the other in znz chasing rabbits, philipher is staying alive and keeping off trouble

Virgins were tiny sausages nephew Shadrack gichoki, Reed Anderson from Canada.
Boogie Boggs and wet dreams tied and was awarded Hash Trash because of taking wrong ferries The circle ended with a long warm safari song before heading off to the perfectly cooked dinner of chicken curry and the rest,,,,i remember this because it was well done and Ai,Ai,Ai refused to eat the meat because it is a good Friday and her religious rights and constitutions does not allow that.
.

On On
Betty Boo

Hash Trash 1549
25 March 2013
Venue: Jackie’s Bar
Hares: Tiny Sausage, Wounded Knee, Ai Ai Ai
GM: Cockroach
RA: Shaggy Haggis

The run was most notable for poorly sung national anthems. We all ran a little faster to get away from the screeching of our hares. Pope on the Rope thought the run was too ambitious (but he may not have finished it anyway). Just Andrew enjoyed his time with the ladies on the walk and didn’t notice much else.

There are three NWHs - two on Friday/Saturday in South Beach and one on Monday, hosted by Viagra and Second Coming at a yet to be determined location. Look for an email later.

The newly potty trained Shaggy (that can’t be right) took over and promptly put Wounded Knee in charge of making sure Bonzai continues to check all the false trails after being 0 for 12 at this Hash. The rest of us were impressed that he was still a FRB even though he went the wrong way very time.

Late comers included Strap On who couldn’t count, a couple who blamed each other, Ponker who was busy with the Chinese President, and Rock Climber who was looking for Strap On’s vibrator. Tiny Sausage was called in to be a Hashtronaut and concentrating far harder than he ever has before to avoid spilling beer on his sausage and making it tinier.

Virgins were numerous but mostly men so the circle paid little attention. We had Porn Corn from Canada or Moscow whose FSP is standing in a hammock. Boxer made both John the Baptist from France or South Africa and Andrew from the UK come. John the Baptist likes the wheelbarrow and Andrew is too out of practice to remember (hint hint hash ladies). David from Scotland will take anything and Laura from Swaziland likes the Pamchenko best.

Tiny Sausage was awarded Hash Trash because he finally stayed until the end of the circle but faced fierce competition from Rock Climber for always coming too late (or was it too early?). The circle ended with a long rendition of SLSC before mishkaki.

On On
Shafted

Hares: Boogie Boobs, Cockroach and Shaggy Haggis did a fantastic job setting a mediocre run and a slow paced walk - the highlight of both being permitted on the premises of a high level guest. Chocolate was distributed to the kids and there was enough beer to keep the masses happy.

There were too many misdemeanors to recount all. One that stand out Wet Dream calling out his wife Boogies Boobs (who he has been married to for an eternity) and she still does not know his shoes size. I wonder how they’ll deal with that once they’re home? Tiny Sausage got called into the circle a number of times, unclear as to why….I got bored.

It was also decided that Killi-Dogo best represents St. Patrick, the patron Saint of Ireland that used to convince wealthy women to become nuns. Tom (*insert hash name) was highly disruptive during the circle and because of him it took hours to get through the ridiculous hash protocol; his punishment sitting on ice.

Scrotum Scrummer got an honorable mention and a reminder of what actually took place Saturday night. With limited memory recall of events he was unable to explain a certain public display during the Irish ball, he had a woman’s head in his lap – interpret as you will. We’ve been told there is photographic evidence; still unclear which Hussy of a Harriet was the giving party – to be determined.

There were three virgins: Uganda, Dumb-Dumb and UK. Their Favorite sexual positions respectively Lions pride, starfish and on-top and in control. It was suggested that Dumb-Dumb and UK hook up after the Hash but I am not sure they swing that way. Finally, the ceremonial naming of two Hashers now and forever known as Scissor Sister and Turkish D-light.

Hash shit came down to SlaapA and Rock Climber; it was a close run and highly diplomatic decision making process which ended up with Rock Climber winning the honor for being a ginger. The circle ended with a sad version of swing low….

On-On

SlappA

Trash 1547

Sea (no) Breeze Apartments

Hares: Rockclimber, Scrotum Scrummer, Skinny Shafted and Cant get up Adam
GM: Cockroach
RA: Rockclimber
CAKE DELIVERER: Shagged (sore toes) Haggis

This was an inaugural hash from this location and SSrummers first hash, now technicalities of modern rugby played out from the start, the host was able to control the hash with headphones fitted to the hares from the roof top of his gaff (hash by wifi) theres a first.

Tiny Sausage noted when asked that it was short, i do wish he would look us rather than looking down before he answers. Just Kishin said the walk was very good and interesting, was he following a rather limp slappa or maybe the walkers found the massage parlour the runners missed last week.

Next weeks hash ” St Patrick’s Hash” sponsored by TBL and a themed T shirt. Whats more interesting is the hosts are not Irish, shame on you Leprechauns. It will be hosted from Wet Dreams, Gypsy camp AKA Shaggis Haggis office across from the green where the Goat races are held, hosts are the two a fore named standin Pad’s. Lookalikes Boxer and Hilter took there down downs in their absence.

Kenyan hashers donned the circle in celebration of a victory, there around 7 of them present, luckily a search prevented any troubles as seen 4 years before and the panga seized was very useful for cake cutting later on.

Guest RA Rockclimber got the proceedings of to a flying start which was quite apt as the previous day in the rough oceans at Wet Dreams and Boogies beach resort. Nuts 4 Luv entered the waves and instantly imitated her washing machine, the only problem was that when she recovered from the fast spin cycle and left the ocean, her bikini was still being washed, luckily there were children on hand to assist her. She declined a replay, to the disappointment of the RA. The RA did ask N4L to to bring in Two (2) hashers for a drink and true to American standards give them an inch and they take a mile (should they not be metric by now) yes you guessed she got
4 guys join her as a body guards (should that not have been clothes guards

Then it was time to bring in the kids Sparkle for selectively offering sweets to the adults, well Gary Glitter had gone home and must have put her up to it. True to fashion the RA managed yet again to upset Kilidogo, believe it was a sharing thing or rather lack of.

Slappa was brought in with her limp ankle (she did manage to party all weekend including dancing) Second Coming, Just Keith (V) were asked to make up a storey as to how it happened and the best one was voted on, we even had fat shafted in the circle with a cameo role. Now what actually happened was that slappa mistakenly walked into the men’s showers, full of riggers back from a 3month stint on the platform and innocently slipped on the soap (not looking where she was going).

Short cutters Cockroach, TaffyHHore,Banzia and GG lookalike Hitler were really trying to avoid the Tarmac.

Returnee’s: Tiny Sausage, been counting votes, Skinny Shafted something with starfish’s that melt, Twitcher from Russia with no love, Sparkle, princess training

Virgin; Just Keith from dumb dumb,self abuser, FSP Flying Orangatang

Hash shit Nominations:
Pope on a rope not using his friends hash name
Rotossery expecting the GM to get any hash name right
Tiny Sausage for a spandex and being trashed at the kili run by TakaTraker
Joint Nuts 4 Luv and Skinny shafted getting to excited over Tiny’s spandex

A close call saw Nuts4Luv and Skinny Shafted share the gear and noted by Fat shafted

The circle was distrupted by a phone call from Boogy Boobs who sent one of WET DREAMS (hash babu) birthdays cakes for consumption, for those of you hashers who did not see, a replica of wet dream in diving gear was the centre piece of the cake, the only thing was it might have been better known as Bombay Babu as there were some pigment issues.

Cirle closed with SLSC and onto to some delicious Mexican Food.

ON ON

Hash Trash 1546
4 March 2013
Venue: Vahalla
Hares: Shaggy Haggis, Cockroach, Boogie Boobs
GM: Cockroach
RA: Shaggy Haggis

The running trail was most notable for a colossal missed opportunity – we ran straight past the Thai Massage Parlour – we could so easily have all had happy endings, but instead we had trudge on with nothing more to look forward to than the bums of the fit harriettes ahead of us. NeanderShorty said that it was long, hot and sticky, and had to be reminded that he was supposed to be telling us about the run. Just Manisha said the walk was o.k. (sic).

Cockroach had brought all his relatives to the Valhalla Banda – enormous black buggers with a bite like a Great White Shark – Hashers were constantly stamping on them, which was a lot more entertaining than listening to the crap that was going on in the Circle. But for what it’s worth:

· NWH will be hosted by Just James AHWTK
· The Easter Hash this year will be at Easter (29/31 March) in a mystery location with luxury (i.e. toilet seats) accommodation (to be confirmed)
· Hashers were silent for a millisecond in memory of the late Tootsie (367 runs under her collar)
· Slappa was overheard to say “I did it at the weekend and I am not even sore”
· Hitler voted in the Kenyan elections
· Boxer had been to Arusha - cue for a song
· Virgins included Johnny, Caroline, Marilyn, Dave, Dee, Beaky, Keith and Jackie – some of whom confessed to be fond of sex with (in?) combine harvesters
· Candyblower has reached a significant age and to quote her ‘the cake went down like a bomb’
· We learnt that Just James was thrown out of the Scouts for trying to roger the Scoutmaster (or was it Akela?) but, despite this, he was named ‘Scrotum Scrum’.

As usual when we don’t have anyone worthy of the Hashit it went by default to Slappa, who can always be relied on to have done / said something memorable / funny / rude / provocative. And the Circle ended, as it should, with the singing of Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

On On
BoB

Hash Trash 1545
25 February 2013
Venue: Banzai’s Mosquito Heaven
Hares: Just Olwen, Just Rose, and Just Patrick (as they were then known)
GM: Cockroach
RA: Shaggy Haggis

A good first effort from our trio of Virgin Hares (who is sleeping with who? asked Sir LanceseSlut) and only the beer truck driver got lost (of which more later). Inspector Gadget was spotted buying an ice lolly on the run and not offering it around, but was not called to account for this and many other recent misdemeanours on account of the Circle going way beyond his bedtime. The walkers found so many sites of interest in Upanga that they arrived hours after the runners. NWH will be hosted by Shaggy Haggis and Boogy Boobs.

Best entry in the new verse for the Hares song contest was won as usual by Sir LanceseSlut with “It was so soft and spongy…….you could use it like a bungee.” The GM declared it to be an evening of left-handed drinking in celebration of Robbidextrous’s’s return to the Hash - and the first person to be caught drinking with his right-hand was….Roobidextrous. Paul from the Virgin Islands said his FSP was the ‘flying squirrel’ and who better to demonstrate it with him but our resident ginger, Rock Climber. An identity parade (Bananas, Boxer, Just Brandon) formed up so that Easy Let could try and identify the father of her love child, Just Lotus –who was visiting from Saarth Africa. To no great surprise she fingered Boxer (a six-figure bill for child maintenance is in the post). The Virgin Hares were named Pope on a Rope, House Whore and Rotosserie, but an appeal has been lodged, so the names are subject to confirmation by Senior Mismanagers meeting in conclave in the back bar of the George and Dragon. The Hashit was awarded to Still Can’t Get It Up Adam for kerb crawling in the beer truck when he should have been hot-footing it back to Banzai’s to quench the thirst of hashers. And just when most Hashers had lost hope of ever getting to eat, the Circle ended with SLSC.

On On
BoB

Run: 1544 / 18th Feb 2013

Hosts: Wounded Knee and Nurse Ratchet (yummy chilli, thanks!)

The run was said to be short, long, and longer. Cockaholic in particular thought it was long, hard and just kept going-and-going. The walk too was long, hot and sweaty but everyone was happy as both had beer stops. Next week’s hash has something to do with nuclear power. Are we suppose to wear bright colours?…unclear but expect an email from the ginger at some point.

There was a special hand over of Funds raised at the Paddy Hoon / “Head Gasket” car wash to the Dogodogo Centre which supports vulnerable children. One of the centre’s huge success stories, Yosuph was present to receive funds on behalf of all the kids supported, Yosuph is now studying medicine at University. The total raised was 1 million TZ shillings to which thanks is given to all the hashers and non hasher that participated. Great effort from all!

Departing the hash are Squirrel and Nutcracker. They’ll be leaving by boat one of these days, no one really knows when or where they’ll go, all a bit cagey if you ask me. We all just hope they can sufficiently avoid the Somali Pirates. On-on.

I stopped listening during the misdemeanours but apparently Strap-on, Nutcracker, Hitler, most likely Gary Glitter as he is usually doing something wrong & a bunch of random Hashers who did not leave an impression all got Safari Down-Downs. There was a special Dumb-Dumb prize this week which was awarded to the slowest long-running bastard Hitler who took a shower, changed and had tea with his wife before returning to the circle.

Zanzibar Hash misdemeanours went to SlappA and Inspector Gadget – who did not turn up for the run but instead, enjoyed some peace and quiet at the beach. Obvious choice if you ask me. It was noted by all that Inspector Gadget was also absent at this hash and all agreed that further creative punishment may be required.

Virgins: special mention to Yosuph and Sabasamasali from Dogodogo Centre, who both came to the hash because of Head Gasket. There was also Rejabu, Etienne, and Eva…. Karibu tena DH3!

Hash Shit went to Just Keith for being a raucous gabby bastard.

On- On

SlappA

Hash Trash 1543 – Third Stonetown Hash
16 February 2013
Venue: Sunrise Bar, Stonetown, Zanzibar
Hares: Swinging Spear, BagOBones, Just Rose, Panty Pockets
GM: Wounded Knee
RA: Loves That Shit

Meeting at The Big Tree (where else) a select pack of 23 odd (some very odd) Hashers set off bravely into the narrow, labyrinthine streets of Stonetown. All the venerable traditions of the Stonetown Hash were upheld – SS lechered the walkers on the history (this year’s theme was “Slavery”) – the runners tore through the Fish Market shouting “the fish is off” – there was an ice cream stop – the beer stop was atop an Arab harem – and the Circle was at the bar where SaddleSore famously spewed up in 2011.

The Circle got off to a stuttery start due to the GM having an attack of stagefright. Of course it didn’t help that local residents were stoning us, but he finally got the show on the road. Loves That Shit complained that the trail was too twisty, and Bloody Tampax said that the walking lecture was very informative but mostly bullshit. There were far more Virgins than Dar Hashers (shame on you My Little Pony, Slappa, Beach Balls, and Inspector Gadget for frigging about on Zanzibar and not attending, though I heard that Inspector Gadget was legless most of the time, so would have been as much use on the Hash as a chocolate fire guard) and they included: J. Owen (from Kigali Hash), J. Caroline, J. Jen, J. Ben, J. Daniella, J. Dennis, J. Gabriella, J. Frederic, J. Marc, and J. Lo, Kamikaze and Bloody Tampax (all from the Jebel Hash in Muscat). The RA complained about the Hash being taken over by Culture Vultures, but subsequently showed that he is a bit of a history geek himself when he got into an arcane dispute with the GM about who ruled Zanzibar when. Any road, there was general support for the thesis that the Arabs screwed up here, so the Omani-Zanzibaris from the Jebel Hash took Down Downs, followed by the Brits, who screwed up too many places to mention, and finally the Germans, who have also got a lot to answer for – including, according to the RA, corrupting the Eurovision Song Contest.

Contestants for the Hashit included AWOL Dar Hashers My Little Pony (F*** She Got), Inspector Gadget (Just Owen – you owe him big-time, Gary), Slappa (Aieeeee), plus Swinging Spear (too many stairs to the beer stop), Aieeeeee (for her disappearing act), and the GM (forgetting the plot). The honour went to the GM. And the Circle ended, surprise, surprise, with the singing of “Swing Low Sweet Chariot.” See you at next year’s Stonetown Hash (theme: “Freddie Mercury – his troubled childhood.”)

On On
BoB

Hash Trash 1542 – the RED DRESS RUN
11 February 2013
Venue: The Lunatic Asylum
Hares: Castrato, Nuts4Lurve, Wet Dream
GM: Cockroach
RA: Shaggy Haggis

What a fine sight to see – the pack in their red finery and in full throat surging down the leafy streets of Masaki. But very tough on all those Hashers in drag - what with nipple rash, split ends, strap bite, and crotch rot. Even the birds took part – a beautiful red-headed Lybius melanopterus – difficult to tell whether he or she was in drag because the sexes look alike. Although the red head is distinctive it is the broad brown breast band that is diagnostic – but of course you knew that. You couldn’t possibly confuse it with the Hairy Breasted Barbet (doncha just love hairy breasts) (this pathetic attempt to bring in hairy breasts doesn’t stand up, as of course the ranges of the Brown-Breasted Barbet and the Hairy-Breasted Barbet do not overlap, Ed). Now where were we – ah yes, the roundabout near the no-go area.

Notable new verse this week from the Hash’s songwriter was “Her ****** was squishy, It smelt a bit fishy.” Strap On was caught putting on sun-tan lotion after sunset, and Shafted, as always, was not paying attention – just two of the MissDemeanours that the RA trotted out for us – for the record they also included Twitcher, Just James, Slappa, Just Rose, Quiet Night in with the Wife, Banzai, Inspector Gadget and Nurse Ratched.

The Car Wash in aid of Head Gasket’s favourite charity – Dogodogodogo (Street Children project) – was a great success, and raised Tsh 640,000. And this does not include the donations that are still outstanding from those with Dip Plates and others who deliberately avoided the Car Wash, namely:
Wet Dream $......
Gary Glitter $......
Sir LanceseSlut $......
SCGIU Adam $......
Castrato $......
Thanks to all those who helped organise the event and took part.

For once it was the turn of the Harriettes to take the piss out of the Hashers. They had to parade past while the Harriettes passed unflattering comments about their bodies (just like a cattle market, Ed). Awards went to:
Outlaw Best Breasts and Legs
Squirrel Worst Dressed (what was Nutcracker doing letting him out like that?)
Huge Heffner Best Hairy Breasts
Boxer Best Filled Shorts
SCGIU Adam Best Bootylicious Butt

Virgins included Martha, Meg, Bullet Head (FSP: ten toes up), BDM and Ian (FSP: Cowgirrrls on top). By rights the Hashit should have gone to Sparkle because the greedy likkle madam had conned her bruvver into going round the Circle asking for the red necklaces back, but, sad to say, political correctness got the better of the Circle and they voted for Castrato – ostensibly for making the trail cross (which it didn’t, Ed). When asked for a note she sprayed the Circle with glistening globules of her spit (If you think she’s stroppy now, wait until till she’s a teenager, Ed). The Circle ended with the traditional anthem.

On On
BoB

Hash Trash 1541
4 February 2013
Venue: Little Theatre
Hares: Second Cumming, Slappa, Viagra
GM: Cockroach
RA: Shaggy Haggis

A very long trail from someone who complains about other hashes being too long, but all credit to the Hares for taking us through some new territory. And to be honest, if it hadn’t been for that tedious, never-ending last section, the GM and the Editor-in-Chief would never have got to pull those two Lithuanian babes we came across…..
‘’Two cool chicks
Walkin’ down the street
Just a swingin’ their hips
Splittin’up a bag o’potato chips
Two cool cats did two big flips
For those two cool chicks’’
Moving quickly on now to the Circle where Just Chris said that the run was very long (I just said that), there was a vicious smell at one point (it was probably the Hares) and it was far too long a wait for a beer. Biriani Babe complained that there were so many checks that she lost her rhythm (but she’s surely too young to remember the rhythm method?). NWH is the RED DRESS RUN which will kick off from the Lunatic Asylum. Don’t dare come inappropriately dressed. And don’t forget that the annual Stonetown Hash will be on Saturday 16th February during the biggest music festival in East Africa – Sauti za Busara (Sounds of Wisdom).

The world and his wife had noticed that Sir LanceseSlut had pitched up in a colour coordinated outfit including new shoes, and though he hid the shoes before the Circle, the RA made him drink his Down Down through one of his sweaty socks. Latecummers included Strap On (who was suffering from terminal diarrhoea and had to bunged up by Nurse Ratched and Sister Slappa), Gary Glitter, RockClimber and Squirrel. As we were in the Little Theatre it was highly appropriate to honour the theatricals – the daaarlings, luvvies, and piss artists who entertain us now and then. They included Inspector Gadget, Second Cumming, Nurse Ratched, EasyLet, BushBanger and Just Olwyn. We also had the Doggies: Cock Dr, Inspector Gadget and Boogie Boobs, as well as the Returnees: Viagra, Banzai, Sir LanceseSlut and Swinging Spear.

Only one Virgin this week: Just Brandon from Saarth Africa, whose FSP is ‘studying his toes’. There were far too many candidates for Hashit, but once we got rid of the dross, Sir LanceseSlut was a shoe-in for it. And so it came to pass. And, as in all the best Circles, we ended by singing the traditional anthem, Swing Low Sweet Chariot.

On On
BoB