HASH TRASH
Run No.1329 11 August 2009
Venue: Close Encounters’s Close, Mikocheni
Hares: Close Encounters, Premature Ejaculation, Rippa

Another fast, well-run Hash trail - as we neared the sewage ponds, and with memories of Close Encounters’s last Hash still very fresh in the mind, I feared the worst, but we padded around the sanitary works (pads, sanitary, geddit? - I think that is worthy of Candyman isn’t it?) and we ended the trail smelling, if not of roses, of good honest sweat. According to one Hasher the walk was “very nice”. I ask you - where do we get these people from?

Next weeks hash is at CampBed’s tent - according to the Grand Master - who was no less than CampBed himself. He foretold of a price increase for participating in the Dar Hash - which went down like a lead balloon. However he did promise superior bitings, and invited suggestions - chapattis from BagoBones, and ugali (yuk) from Tiny Sausage. He then introduced The Guest Religious Advisor, Flatulence, who clearly had thought about the role a lot (perhaps too much?). He created two new Mismanagment Committee posts - firstly Hash Harlot, which he awarded to Dominatrix (without a vote) and then Hash Mouth. Now of course it is a toss-up (and I use the word advisedly) whether Shaggy Haggis or Flatulence is the biggest loud-mouth on the Hash, but it went to Shaggy. There was a Freddie Mercury competition, but all three competitors (Hot Safari, Maurene, and Dammass) were declared to be crap, and took the triple down down. Premature Ejaculation showed Close Encounters how to enrobe a water bottle with a French letter (whatever turns you on baby), and the Missdemeanours included Cockroach and Barney. Virgins were thick on the ground, and so many of them liked doing it doggy style, that Barney (Twist’s minder) was getting quite excited. Various hashers were fingered for the Hashit and what they all had in common was that they are accomplished piss-artists. Flatulence got it without much difficulty. Time’s up and I haven’t even mentioned Rubber Bum, or Hornigoat’s Sister Susannah who does unmentionable things on the sofa with a Great Dane, or Happy with Three Fingers. The Circle ended with SLSC.

On On
BoB

HASH TRASH
Run No.1328 3 August 2009
Venue: TCPDC Mikocheni
Hares: Beach Balls, Ibrahim

Another very long hash, but some of the harriettes were way out in front - and they ran ahead of the pack too. A good effort by Beach Balls, who sets more hashes than most hashers, but a little more craftiness in laying the trail would have slowed down the professional runners and allowed clunkers like me to complete the run without becoming cream-crackered. Highlights included Twist’s minder, Barnaby, being ambushed by a local mutt (no, not Tiny Sausage), and a bravura performance of limbo dancing by neophyte Sophie. She is from Denmark you know - probably Aarhus - and the interesting thing about people from Aarhus is that they like to use transparent plastic lunch boxes. Not many people know that.

Rippa had gone awol, so the Grand Master (CampBed) asked for lookalikes to tell us about next weeks hash. This was a difficult one, but Wet Dream said that Flatulence smelled most like Rippa, so Flatulence came into the Circle and gave us some shambling, incoherent directions of the kind that Rippa excels in. And at the end of it all no-one was any the wiser as to where next weeks Hash will be - except that Close Encounters is setting it. The Religious Advisor (Cockroach) started off by castigating the Walking Hare - Ibrahim - for wearing a red dress, when everyone knows that the red dress run was weeks ago. This was followed by a sell-out performance of Father Ibrahim, led by Wet Dream, whose ooohs and aaaarhse are still being talked about with awe, but who gets very shirty if you don’t do the Oggies right.

America’s finest are having a boozy night at the Marine House on Friday at 7.30, and everyone who is identifiable is welcome. When you arrive you should ring the bell at the bar, and you will find that you’ve gained a whole new lot of friends.

A Hasher who must have escaped my notice previously (which is pretty easy) was given the name of Mother Trucker, on account of his exploits at the helm of the beer truck. For once, Virgins were thin on the ground - in fact there was just Sophie - who had difficulty in remembering her FSP out of “so many”. Night Rider paid a heavy price for changing out of his sweaty takkies into his smooth, leather loafers - not only did he have to drink his down down from them, but he was awarded the Hashit too. The Circle ended with the traditional song.

On On
BoB

Hash number 1327

Date 27/07/2009

The circle was opened by none other than our very own mr Camp Bed and a sorry rendition of Warm Safari.

Some forgetful ones included Ripper as well as his daughter for his cellphone and some playing cards??

The heirs included Ripper, Boogie Boobs and Beefeater, with a brilliant, nice and short walk, and what was said for the run was that one mr Flatulence would want n house in the village through which they ran (Easy Let, sounds like a job for you...)

Some announcements included Panty Pockets about the Morogoro run taking place on the 19 and 20th September with only n limited number of rooms (pay or miss out...) The Bag of Bones stand ins included none other than Tiny Sausage and Isa

Cockroach had something to say about some concert at Sweat Easy this weekend.

Freddy (our wonderful host) was called in, this was then followed by a rendition of bum titty (well atleast at this point there still was a choir). Thank you Freddy for a lovely hash with lots of on tap beer!

All this was followed by Candy Man, our esteemed RA who then saw fit to have Foxy Pussy enjoy a down down for being French, joined by a few French look alikes.

The heirs where called in again along with Freddy for a down down to the lovely brewery tour, which again didn’t happen, this time due to Ripper the chauve who thought that is woman might have gotten lost on the walk. Mmmm maybe we should tie him to a pillar next time......

Misdemeanour’s included a few horrible hashers for beer spillage, this group included none other than Freddy, Shout, the man in yellow and Panty Pockets (who escaped this by some unknown means). On the ice for you!!!

The inappropriately dressed included Boxer, the man in yellow (for his spray on trousers) and again Freddy (just can’t seem to stay out of trouble that one... a true hasher except for the spillage).

Returnees included too many to remember (as I was one of them), but the excuses included being in the UK, having better things to do, and the very honest Nico (who has yet to be named) for just being lazy.

The many virgins included:

Mike from England brought by Scotty who enjoys it Cowboy Style

Kyle from Scotland brought by Boogy who likes it doggy style

Wil from the Netherlands brought by ‘him’ and her FSP was said so softly I wonder if Candy Man himself could here it...

The the guy, from somewhere brought by Twist likes it up with the stomach????

Sarah from Germany likes a lap dance (giving or receiving I wonder)

and finally Ian from Washington brought by his dad like the big old 69

Drink it down down down down....

Our GM Camp Bed then joined the circle asking ripper for the location of next weeks hash the reply being who knows. Please volunteers are always needed, and these included a very thirsty Frozen Scrotum and Scotty.

Departees included Man Cuff, pole and have a good trip!

Hash Shit nominees included Twist for a horrible evening out with the boys (came last and left first....)

Prawn for his horny dogs and Shout for absent mindedly making announcements without a beer on her head.

The lucky winner being Twist!

This all was then follwed by SLSC which definitely needed some help...

Topless Wonder (the Virgin Scribe)

Run No.1326 20 July 2009
Venue: Windy Towers, Msasani
Hares: Flatulence, Cockroach, and Shaggy Haggis.

A long, but competently-set run stretched many of us - none more so than My Little Pony - but for once the back hare did his job, keeping the straggler on trail and out of the bars and other dives that might otherwise so easily have diverted him. The walk was long and dry, according to one Hasher.

CampBed made a welcome reappearance as GrandMaster?. Next week’s hash will be at the brewery - get there on time for a short run followed by a wet tour. There will be a thrash at the Marine House on Friday night kicking off about 1800 hours to celebrate the departure of I Like it Wet. EasyLet? was putting it about that there is a Salsa Night at the Kilimanjaro Hotel on the 25th starting around 1930. For the umpteenth time Panty Pockets told us about the Morogoro Hash on 19th September. When asked to select some Hashers that she would like to spend the weekend with at Hotel California she chose Boxer and Beach Balls. The RA - Candyman - felt the need to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Apollo moon landing by calling forth some female arsetronauts - and of course Flatulence and Shaggy Haggis needed little invitation to depict the moon (complete with spots). Missdemeanours included Panty Pockets for misleading newspaper readers, and Sven and another incontinent for taking a leak mid-run. Three cripples - Hot Safari, Mr Bombastic, and Hornigoat took the triple down down in very messy fashion. When Returnees were asked where they were last week Two At A Time claimed to be having an anal inspection - too much information I think. Virgins included Lucy, Mini Thor, Kibbles & Clits, and Katrina. Cockroach got the Hashit for having the temerity / stupidity to try and nominate the GM, (how long has he been hashing?). The Circle ended in the traditional way.

On On
BoB