HASH TRASH
Run No. 1444
Venue: Yatch Club Beach Banda
Hares: Boxer, Head Gasket, Swinging Spear
Grandmaster: Cockroach
Religious Advisor: Candyman

Boxer told us the run was going to be a short 6 clicks. When everyone finally made it in at 8.30 - with the Little Women telling me how they had been in fear of their virtue on the long dark road back - Donkey Bonk said “6 km, my ass!” and Foxy Pussy said it was way too long (she should be so lucky) - yet she still had time to be caught doing something with Fully Titted in the bushes.

ManCuff was fingered as a Trail-Mistress-Lookalike-Without-The-Gum, but he didn’t have a clue about NWH. This brought back fond memories of previous Trailmasters - Beach Balls and Ripper - who were both about as much use a chocolate fireguard. This was ManCuff’s last Hash. He used to whinge about the beer supply, but unlike the rest of us, he got stuck in and took over as Beer Meister. Good on yer mate. Go well.

Two creeps - Umbilical and SharKiller - tried to creep away between the legs of other Hashers - said that they were going to a birthday party - suggestions that it was Sharky’s 16th birthday were scotched - she can’t be that old.

ShortCutters, and those who were deemed neither one thing nor t’other included Get Me Off, Shaggy, ManCuff, Boxer and BagOBones. Get Me Off was also a returnee whose excuse was that she had been trying to find a home for two coconut retrievers (don’t ask me).

As everyone knows, Candyman is restricted to the missionary position because he is the Religious Advisor. But it turns out it’s the only position he knows anyway. He admitted to thinking that Reverse Cowgirl was a conceptual position, not hard-nosed reality much favoured by our dumb friends. So, neophytes Andrew and Katy gave him a very spirited demonstration ( I particularly liked Katy’s flourish with the lassoo - must try that). The technical consultant was Donkey Bonk.

Virgins included Alex (freestyle) Hamid (doggy - surprise, surprise, he’s from London) and Rock Climber (Houdini - I just know you’re going to hear a lot more of him).

The contest for Hashit was a complete shambles as usual but the honour went to Rock Climber for being far too upfront for a new arrival. As if we haven’t got enough Hashers on Ritalin already.

As in all the best Circles we ended with SLSC.

On On
BoB